Coffee Talk

last night i went to the women's ministry kick off at church. I hate the idea of a ton of women gathered together, but my friends were going, and I like having a chance to meet older women in the church too. So I went and sat.
There was a lot of talk about helping each other and passing along our skills and knowledge to younger women. That was kind of the theme of the night. It got me to thinking, though. I really have a desire to do that. I love the idea of teaching, and I think I'm a good teacher. I don't have a lot of skills or knowledge, but I've always wanted to be a "mentor" to younger women. I love kids, especially teenagers, and some day I'd like to be involved with teaching and leading them.
But I don't have a lot of chances to do the things that I really want to. And I think it's mostly my fault. I'm not really outgoing and I'm slow in conversation. So the words that flow so eloquently out in writing don't come to my brain until after the conversation's over. But when I'm talking with other girls and kids, the truth that comes out in my heart doesn't come out in words until it's too late. I wish I could just speak the truth and make it sound more appealing than I do. Instead, I just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind (which is usually right) but I think people blow me off becuase of how I talk. I don't know. I think that my thinking that people blow me off makes me less eager to say what I want to, too.
But that's my problem, I guess.
Sometimes, though, I feel like the "prophet without honor" in her home. It's probably just my imagination, but sometimes I feel like people at church have a hard timet aking me seriously because they knew me when I was a kid. Or because they know my parents, they think that they know me or assume (subconciously) that I don't have as much to offer as my folks do, so I'm not worth taking seriously.
Last night, they talked about how everyone is an "older woman" who has something to share or give to others, and I feel that I do, butthere just haven't been opportunities for me like I wish there were.
And that's about all I have to say. It's mostly complaining. I think I need to take this to heart, though, and look for those opportunities to share. To be quicker to say what i think, but maybe say it slowly. I don't know really. I guess maybe I just need to wait until I actually am older.