Saturday, January 28, 2006

Purposes

I've been thinking about my poetry and how it seems, the ones I really love and feel speak the most of me, are the ones others don't appreciate as much. I'm the kind of personality that doesn't really care about that so much; I'd rather just enjoy writing and express myself.

But it got me thinking about art and music and other forms of expression. And that led to thoughts about motives in general. Why do we do what we do? And more importantly, are those reasons ones that benefit God? Do they even benefit us?

I oten wonder if what I write will help others. I'd like for it to be true. I'd like the things I put on paper to be meaningful, thought-provoking, and life-changing. I suppose all writers have that desire to some extent. But what would happen if that never happened? What if those who read my writing thought it was stupid, or mundane or found themselves indifferent? Would it matter? should it matter?

I think it does (and should) sometimes, but not for the reasons that we would typically site. More because if my work is unnoticed and unappreciated, then my calling would not be being fulfilled. I would not be writing as well as I should be if that is what God has called me to do. WHat I'm trying to say is that if He created me to be one thing and that is truly my desire, He should use it for what He has purposed. Assuming that my motive is the same as His, which isn't always the case.

I wonder about ministry too. What if nothing comes of it? What if my purpose in ministry is salvation of others, but that never happens? I've been thinking about this, and have concluded that our purposes, although they may be pure, may not be the same purposes God has in calling us forth. I know people who would say that, if we aren't in it for the same purpose as God, we aren't following Him or listening to Him like we should be. But why would we have to understand His purpose, as long as we're doing it? That's my question. Maybe sometimes we understand the general purpose, but He has specific ones in mind. Maybe sometimes it isn't always clear. and maybe if it were, it would scare us and we wouldn't be able to do it effectively. Maybe in His soverignty, there's room for us to "mess up" what we thought we were doing, but hit God's purpose square on the head.

Like the prophet Jeremiah. I wonder if he ever wondered why things didn't go like they were supposed to. I wonder if he questioned his purposes and God's. I wonder if what he thought he was doing was different than what he actually was.

What it comes down to for me is showing God. Displaying His beauty to the world in whatever ways He created me to do that. Singing, poetry, ministry. They "add to the beauty" as Sara Groves puts it. I don't know what fruit they bear, and I don't need to, so long as I know God is working in them.


Add To the Beauty by Sara Groves 2005

We come with beautiful secrets
We come with purposes written on our hearts,
written on our souls
We come to every new morning
With possibilities only we can hold, that only we can hold

Redemption comes in strange place, small spaces
Calling out the best of who we are
And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside

It comes in small inspirations
It brings redemption to life and work
To our lives and our work
It comes in loving community
It comes in helping a soul find it's worth

Redemption comes in strange places, small spaces
Calling out the best of who we are
And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside

This is grace, an invitation to be beautiful
This is grace, an invitation

Redemption comes in strange places, small spaces
Calling out our best
And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside

The Gift to the World

I've been thinking about my poetry and how it seems, the ones I really love and feel speak the most of me, are the ones others don't appreciate as much. I'm the kind of personality that doesn't really care about that so much; I'd rather just enjoy writing and express myself.

But it got me thinking about art and music and other forms of expression. And that led to thoughts about motives in general. Why do we do what we do? And more importantly, are those reasons ones that benefit God? Do they even benefit us?

I oten wonder if what I write will help others. I'd like for it to be true. I'd like the things I put on paper to be meaningful, thought-provoking, and life-changing. I suppose all writers have that desire to some extent. But what would happen if that never happened? What if those who read my writing thought it was stupid, or mundane or found themselves indifferent? Would it matter? should it matter?

I think it does (and should) sometimes, but not for the reasons that we would typically site. More because if my work is unnoticed and unappreciated, then my calling would not be being fulfilled. I would not be writing as well as I should be if that is what God has called me to do. WHat I'm trying to say is that if He created me to be one thing and that is truly my desire, He should use it for what He has purposed. (Assuming that my motive is the same as His).

I wonder about ministry too. What if nothing comes of it? What if my purpose in ministry is salvation of others, but that never happens? I've been thinking about this, and have concluded that our purposes, although they may be pure, may not be the same purposes God has in calling us forth. I know people who would say that, if we aren't in it for the same purpose as God, we aren't following Him or listening to Him like we should be. But why would we have to understand His purpose, as long as we're doing it? That's my question. Maybe sometimes it isn't always clear. and maybe if it were, it would scare us and we wouldn't be able to do it effectively. Maybe in His soverignty, there's room for us to "mess up" what we thought we were doing, but hit God's purpose square on the head.

Like the prophet Jeremiah. I wonder if he ever wondered why things didn't go like they were supposed to. I wonder if he questioned his purposes and God's. I wonder if what he thought he was doing was different than what he actually was.

What it comes down to for me is showing God. Displaying His beauty to the world in whatever ways He created me to do that. Singing, poetry, ministry. They "add to the beauty" as Sara Groves puts it.


Add To the Beauty by Sara Groves 2005

We come with beautiful secrets
We come with purposes written on our hearts,
written on our souls
We come to every new morning
With possibilities only we can hold, that only we can hold

Redemption comes in strange place, small spaces
Calling out the best of who we are
And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside

It comes in small inspirations
It brings redemption to life and work
To our lives and our work
It comes in loving community
It comes in helping a soul find it's worth

Redemption comes in strange places, small spaces
Calling out the best of who we are
And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside

This is grace, an invitation to be beautiful
This is grace, an invitation

Redemption comes in strange places, small spaces
Calling out our best
And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

The Overwhelming Hope of Tomorrow

Tonight I feel like things just aren't going well. MOnday was awesome. I had a great day. I felt good about everything. And it was a good dya, so I had no reason not to feel good. Today, there was something heavy nagging at me most of the day. I can't explain it. A spiritual battle, perhaps. Younglife tonight was fine for me. Everyone else thought it wasn't great, and feels like there are major problems with it.

But the problem with ministry and with working with people in general is that there really isn't a set formula that you can do once and it works forever. No. And especially with youth, there are changing needs, changing lives, and changing relationships. You can't set up a perfect system. I guess there are those who would disagree with me. But the real question is, what are the things that you must do in order for the ministry to be successful (in GOd's eyes)? The obvious answers are prayer and the Bible, and letting the SPiirt lead... but the lines of where that ends and human interaction begins are so hazy. It causes me to wonder if there is a "best" way to do something like ministry? OR if we have to rely on the trial-and-error method? Can we trust that God uses everything for HIs glory? Can we believe that even the things we thought were wrong, were good?
Only when we can know that the things we thought were wrong were still HIs will that we did. And I don't know that I'm at a place where I am seeking HIm enough to be able to say that for certain.

So tonight I'm hoping for tomorrow. Tomorrow morning I'm going to work. And it's going to be fulfilling. And I will walk away and feel like I've done something useful. Eternal, even.
And tomorrow in the figurative sense, I will be in heaven with Jesus and the questions of ministry and perfection and life will no longer be questions.

Friday, January 06, 2006

The Familiar Place

It's not an unusual place for me
when the lost is so familiar
and trying harder leaves me emptier.
But through the blackness
He beckons
calling like the sea
to bring in the tide
like a lover searching
for his bride.
And to be found is to know a splendor
only seen in the dark times
--of restoration and perserverence
to have a hand to hold across the miles
of wasted time and untended paths
to be brought from the familiar place
into the hope of glory
joy of the crown
and greater knowledge of grace.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

And then things took a terrible plunge toward mundane...

I guess the title mostly speaks for itself. I think that I need to ask God to put life into my daily activities so it doesn't feel so... boring and routine yet overwhelming at the same time.

Breathe on me, breathe o breath of God
Breathe on me till my heart is new
Breathe on me, breath o breath of God
breath on me till I'm resting in you.