Wednesday, August 27, 2008

One of those Days

Maybe I didn't sleep well last night. Or all week. Something today is making me feel really cranky. I think it's my whiney baby. I'm slightly sick. When I made Daniel lunch this morning, I realized that my tupperware supply has diminished significantly in the last six months, and that made me mad. Then Arlene wanted to crawl all over me and jab me with her feet and elbows.
While I tried to fold laundry, she crawled all around and over me, messing up my folds and piles. Then when i went to empty the water from the dishwasher hose, I missed the sink and spilled all over myself and while I changed my clothes Arlene whined at me, worried about the mess on the floor.
I'm not typically affected by other peoples' moods and actions, but this little girl can change my whole day. And today... I feel like SCREAMING.

Not that you all wanted to know that, but I don't have any adults to talk to yet, so I had to say it somewhere. :o)

Sunday, August 24, 2008

In Praise of Nostalgic Heroes

Probably, if you talk to anyone, the "best" cartoons that were ever on, were the ones showing when they were kids. I'm no exception. I am sad to say, unlike my husband, I watched a lot of TV when I was younger. Mostly because my brothers did, and I didn't have anyone else to hang out with. We'd go upstairs and sit on my brother's bed and watch two or three hours of cartoons on a black and white TV. Sort of in the spirit of bootleggers, seeing as my parents really didn't want us to watch that much television, and probably wouldn't have liked the shows we did watch. But I digress.

Because I know you're all wondering, the lineup of shows went something like this: The Chipmunks, Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers, Duck Tales, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Gidget and the New LEave it to Bever (last two being guilty pleasures... we were a bit limited, since we only got five channels).

Tonight I was telling my husband which Ninja Turtle was which... and I used the best description written: Leonardo leads Donatello does machines (that's a fact, jack) Raphael is cool but crude (give me a break) Michelangelo is a party dude. I am not ashamed of the fact that, out of all of the shows I watched, TMNT was my favorite. Cheesy, yes. But, as timeless as any. It was so good, they made movies and even updated the show in 2003. I am no longer an avid fan of the heroes in a half shell, but I do hold a special place in my heart for them. If you're ever at my house, I might show you some of my second-grade fan fic written about them. Complete with illustrations. Or maybe I won't.

Anyway, after watching some clips on youtube and telling Daniel about my fond memories, I told him one of the saddest parts of my life is the fact that none of my friends share the great memories of the green adventures with me. They never mastered the ninja skills with little self-crafted nunchucks and swords. They were all busy watching Punky Brewster, My Little Pony and Strawberry Shortcake... or whoever.

There is no real point to this blog. I just want you all to know that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (although chalked full of new age beliefs and eastern religion) was my favorite, and reigns forever in my memory as the best show ever.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Joy

Joy - By Out of the Grey

Some say the face is unforgettable
I'm sure I've seen it many times
Ah, but you know me.
I forget so easily.
I thought I saw you in a Sunday crowd
but then I missed you, in a blur of colored water, full of clouds
like Deja vu, answered you...

They say some day I won't need to see you out
but for now, won't you come and wrap me up inside your presence
we can celebrate if you stay...

I know you make your home in any given light
your vision is so clear you don't see what is not
When I find you, will I catch the cure you've got?

Surely you're not in some distant land
maybe down the block
or across the street
have you always been near to me?

Yesterday I went to the basement to dig through my box of maternity clothes and see if there were any shirts that would fit me yet. I was washed with sadness as I looked through the clothes I had bought last time, some of which I never got to wear.
Grief is full of experiences like that. little things that you didn't think about right away in the emotional times. And then they pop up at unexpected times, all through the year. You deal with them, and move on and often even forget those sad thoughts.

While I stood there, holding a handful of shirts to try on, I thought about how worried I happened to be that particular day, about the baby in my womb. And how overwhelming the feeling of helplessness and anxiety is. Wondering if I'm doing something wrong that will hurt the baby, or if it's going to be OK. But, at the same time, ready for the next phase with a big belly and more anticipation.

Then Arlene poked her head down the stairs and started saying, "Hi, hi, hi hi" and I took my shirts upstairs to try on. And she watched me and said "Oooh," every time I put a different one on.
It's so confusing how often joy and sorrow weave in and out of our lives. They intertwine so easily. And yet, it's the biggest relief to me some days, when it would be easier to sit around and throw a pity party. There is joy to be found. Sometimes we just have to seek it out.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Heaven is a Real Place

God didn't give up on the idea of Eden
as some misguided have assumed
The garden has given place to a city
Where the walk of God with man will be resumed
Paradise is not lost at all!
Let my whole life reflect my belief that heaven
is where I'll spend eternity
That would be something,
something to see
Till death is swallowed up in victory

I wanna live like heaven is a real place
I wanna live like heaven is a real place
in my every day time and space
I wanna live like heaven is a real place.

Charlie Peacock "Heaven is a Real Place" from the album "The Secret of Time" 1990

That song's been running through my mind in the last week as I've thought about death and life and persevering through trials.
Last night I visited my old fellowship group, Marriage Matters. They're discussing First Peter, which I'm also studying with my small group. We talked about God's promises and making them real in our lives and remembering them on a day-to-day basis. When Chris asked how we could make the truths in 1 Peter 1:6-12 everyday reality, I thought about how much perspectives change when you consider heaven instead of earth.

There are a million promises for us to live by here on earth, but at the end of the day, I find my greatest comfort in the end of the story. When I'll walk with Jesus in the place He built for us, and ask Him answers to the questions I couldn't find on earth, and hug Him and know His reality, His true unhindered presence. Where freedom will reign, where there will be no room to doubt or question, where everyone will live in light and peace and joy and understanding.

But, like is indicated in the song, it's hard to live like heaven is a real place, when we're stuck on earth and have to deal with all of the crap of living. I suppose it'll make us appreciate it more, if we'll even be able to remember what it was like here.

Anyway, I've decided that making heaven a real place in my heart and mind is a good step toward knowing God better and living in His fullness. So, I endeavor to live out Hebrews 11:13b-16: They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead they were longing for a better country--a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.