Doubting Thomas
So here we are, tonight,
waiting for news.
All of our dreams gone
No one to lead us
No new ambitions
No hope
The “savior”, succumbed to death
beaten and bruised
Laughed at, spit on,
Betrayed by our friend.
Laying in a cave somewhere
What’s the next step?
Now that we have been scattered
Lost our shepherd,
Wandering like lonely sheep.
Hiding behind closed doors
Praying to someone we thought we’d known
The Powerful One, the Almighty
Gone now , with a gasp of air
And had He whispered something then?
We sit like refugees
Waiting for the guards to take us
Waiting for word from that tomb
Faith shaken, heart pounding every moment
And none of us has slept in two days.
I remember He’d said this would happen
But I didn’t believe.
I never believed until later
And I don’t know if I can believe now.
I’ve never been so afraid
I’ve never known fear like this
Not just from the darkness and the earthquakes
And the walking dead
But the emptiness here in my soul
The doubt that pierces and screams and fights
What if everything He said was wrong?
What if I followed Him to my death
And His?
But I remember His words
The soft way he spoke
With quiet authority over it all
Every situation, every storm
Every question presented
And each moment
In which we saw nothing happening,
Where the Father watched and waited
Where we stared and contemplated
His words, so true
So hard to understand.
He said He’d raise again, and I remember
The prophesies from when I was young
The Messiah would live
And rule, and save us from oppression
But He always had something else on His mind
Healing sick people and teaching new things.
Where is the Healer now?
Locked behind a stone, guarded there
Like a prisoner, even in death.
and I don’t think He even said goodbye.
But those last words
I’ll always remember
He called me His friend
He said I wouldn’t be an orphan
He promised me a helper to be there
And to teach me
He talked about mansions and glory
And the Spirit of Truth
He told us to not be troubled
To trust in God, trust also in Him
and He prayed for our peace
I can hold on to that
At least for tonight
And when the morning comes,
When Peter and John go to check
I will know what kind of teacher He was.
I will believe His words for now
Even in the darkness
Because I have no where else to go
He possessed the words of life
He shared the Father with us
Like no one ever had
And for that, I will ever love Him
I will still follow to the death.
Because I think He’s the way to God
The truth in everything uncertain
And in Him we find life.
2 comments:
So are these your questions, ks? I've asked before but I don't know if you wanted to answer... have you always had your faith?
xo
S-O
So it never left you? And you don't have a hole in your heart? Shaped like an up-turned palm, colored by shadow, begging for light?
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