Making Friends Part Two (Along The Road)

i once heard someone on the radio talk about friendships in two categories: Friends of the road and friends of the heart. It speaks for itself. You have some friends you walk along side while you're on whatever path--school, work, motherhood, etc. You have other friends who you usually meet on that path, but there's more to it. You connect on a deeper level, and even if your paths seperate, you remain close.

I often think about that and wonder how so many of my friends who i thought were heart friends, ended up leaving me. My best friend in high school, Copper (identity veiled), was so incredible. We agreed on everything. We were weird. We liked the same things. We shared the same faith, or at least she said she did. We even had the same birthday. I thought we'd be friends forever. But, when she went to Georgia for school, we hardly talked. We'd chat online some, but slowly that faded. She was in my wedding (and I sorely regret not having her as a bridesmaid but that's another story), and after that, I just hardly saw her. I didn't realize she didn't want to be friends, so I kept writing her and giving her presents and things, and eventually I realized that she'd just decided to ignore me. So we aren't friends anymore, and she doesn't agree with my lifestyle or faith and beliefs and it breaks my heart. Because I wonder how stupid I was, how naive? Was she lying all along just so I'd like her? Why couldn't I see her for who she really was, or did she just simply change? I thought we were great friends, but I hardly knew her.

Same thing has happened with multiple people. And it drives me nuts. What is it about me that keeps people at arm's length? Why can't I just share my heart with them instead of only sharing my life?

As adults, it seems harder to find "friends of the heart". I guess because we don't have as many friends of the road, and we're too busy with other things to invest a lot of time. I've often thought I was coming upon a friend of the heart, only to discover that the feelings aren't mutual. those failures only push me further away from people and add another layer of bricks to my defensive wall.

When you take off your mask and tear away everything you do to look good, what's left is your heart. Laid bare. exposed to the arrows and rocks of "friends". Also exposed to healing salves and oils of forgiveness, beauty and love. Is it worth it? I haven't decided. I like it when I can get to that point with someone, but it takes a long time. And, with every friend who's left me walking alone on the side of the road, my defenses are harder to tear away. I haven't met a lot of people who find it worth their while to work through those either.

Which reminds me of a song. So I will post the lyrics, because I'm sure you're all so interested. It's a song Christine Dente wrote about her husband, paralleling God and His work in her life. I cried the first time I heard it.

Becoming

These are my sidewalks
They wound around the neighborhood
Always led me straight and safely home
But now they're uneven
'Cause roots move beneath them
And time won't leave well enough alone

And I had been trying to smooth these stones
Thought I could make my way alone

I tried the whimsical, gauzy pink dresses
That spin in the wind when you twirl
But somehow the princess gown
Never did fit this girl
So I fled the garden for the tower

And I had been hiding behind these stones
Thought I'd be well enough alone

Then you came nearer
You held the mirror
I saw myself there in your eyes

And I had been running
Still you pursued
I watched you move each heavy stone
The thorns around me tore your skin
But you kept coming through
'Cause you won't leave well enough alone

I am becoming what I once was
The girl in the mirror of your love
I am becoming
Your love becomes me

© 2002 Mighty Grey Music/Lil' Yella House Music/
Dayspring Music, LLC (BMI)