People walk in and out of our lives at an alarming rate. Once in a while, one of them is fun and ex citing and you can't wait to get to know them better, because you feel like you already know each other, somewhere deep in your heart. It happens less and less as I grow older. There's more space in our interactions, and less available time to invest.
Now that I'm adult, if I decide to invest and try to be friends, it means a lot to me. I don't have the kind of personality that just collects people with every smile and funny joke. It takes time and energy, and frankly, I don't always find it necessary. I'm pretty content here where I am.
I wish it weren't so much work. I wish that everyone related to me the same way I try to relate to them. So I wouldn't have to communicate. Or at least, that we had so much in common, it became easy to talk about everything. But it doesn't work like that. You have to be so intentional. You have to make phone calls and send emails even when they don't respond, because maybe they just aren't the sort who respond well. Maybe they're happy just seeing you once a year and talking on the phone (for the record, I HATE talking on the phone). You have to communicate intensely about your expectations and your goals. You have to forgive so often and let go of things that they did that didn't mean to hurt but they did.
You have to work to keep them, but still let them go. I don't know the balance that well. When i make a friend, I sort of just want them to stay with me and like me the best. But they usually don't, and they usually prefer someone else over me. It sucks.
But, I've learned, maybe not every person has to be the "best friend" you remember from high school. Maybe this one's here to help you with parenting, and this one knows how it feels when you aren't getting along with your husband, and one is so fun to go to concerts with, and one hangs out at your house and likes your family, and another one only sees you at church. I guess that's part of being a grown up too. Letting go of expectations and letting them be--letting it be what it is.
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Yeah. It's, I don't know, there are those with big groups of buddy-acquaintances, these social butterflies that go out all the time, but I don't find that a great way to spend my life, so frequently....
And yes. It always ama3es me the way friends, even those that say you're their best friend, or have spent every day with you for months, or years, just DON'T call you back sometimes. Just get too caught up in their own lives. I mean it happens to everyone, but for months? With no word? I don't understand it. I'm not a big fan of talking on the phone either, but sometimes it's great, especially compared to over the computer, just to hear someone's voice. And while it's a pain in the neck sometimes to keep up with phonecalls and e-mails, just sending word takes 30 seconds. Sigh.
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