Last week and the previous one, I helped with theatrical camp at my church. I got to write the devotion books for the kids to use for the two weeks. This year the play was about Exodus. Basically a kid's version of the 10 Commandments. I wasn't really happy with how the homework turned out, because to me it seemed too difficult for 5th8th graders. There were some who agreed with me, and others who thought they were great. Either way, the work I did on them got me thinking about the Promised Land. There's too much theology in there to explain where my thoughts ended up going, but since then, I've been thinking about heaven and wanting it more and more.
I know that we get to experience God here on earth and find home in Him, but I've felt so unsettled ever since I lost Grace. I want to be there now, where the pain will be gone and I can just hold my little girl and see her in the true image of God. I don't want to live through this life and watch bad things happen and try as hard as I can to be like Jesus but continually fail. Some days I'm tired of the dim glass we have to look at God through. I just want to be there with Him.
It's probably just a piece of my grief surfacing. Lately talk of heaven or songs just cause me to well up with such strong emotions that I cry. I hate being that way because I never used to be "emotional", but there's no way to change it. I want heaven. I want Jesus. I want to see God and know Him fully.
I've been familiar with this quote for many years now, since my brother-in-law attached himself to it. I discovered it about the same time as he did, but it's his, so I haven't used it like it's mine. But these last few months, it resonates so true with me:
"At present we are on the outside of the world, the wrong side of the door. We discern the freshness and purity of the morning, but they do not make us fresh and pure. We cannot mingle with the splendors we see. But all the leaves of the New Testament are rustling with the rumor that it will not always be so. Some day, God willing, we shall get in." C.S. Lewis
Some day.
About Me
- ks
- I wish I were Batman, but since I can't be at this time, I've taken to fighting crime by exposing the exploits of evil with my pen. I'm also a mom and a wife.
3 comments:
I find your thoughts intriguing. Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. Feel free to access it all you like. I have a book on Lulu.com which is a self publishing on demand networking system. Type in Quotes by Princess Kelly in the search box at Lulu.com and my book comes up. If you want a paperback of my book of quotes. Keep in touch fellow blogger.
Check your email for my comment on this post.
There was that week when I felt like my life was going to end - remember when we were driving between the houses and had 3 crazy nearly-dangerous things happen to us - and I remember at one point, driving over a bridge and saying, "God I don't want to die just yet, please extend my life." and then those things stopped happening. Sometimes I wonder if my life had really been extended at that moment, sometimes I wonder why I would choose this dying earth to the life-fulfilled heaven, sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice.
Its a good longing. It is okay. And it can be sad too.
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