Christmastime

So, since it's a week before Christmas, I've been doing what I can to get into "the spirit" of things. I have a few other things weighing on my mind, so it hasn't been easy (and I don't suppose it ever is).
We watched part of The Nativity Story in our adult Bible fellowship yesterday. I've kind of wanted to watch it, but it totally surpassed any of my expectations. Granted, I was sort of expecting it to be another mediocre Christian attempt, and some kind of fad that people felt the need to support and like. But watching it pushed my cynicism aside. I liked it. a lot. So... yeah. It got me to thinking about a lot of things. I've always been kind of fascinated with the Magi (wise men) and the missing pieces in the story about why they came to see Jesus and their journey. I don't suppose we'll ever have all of the story while we're here on earth, but it's interesting to think about. Wouldn't it be cool if they're in heaven, because they understood that Jesus was the--Their-- Savior? I think that their mysticism might have made it easier for them to believe that Jesus was God. But we'll never really know.
I have this awesome D.H. Lawrence poem about them, but I've already posted that in some blog a couple of years ago. This time I wanted to post the lyrics to a song by Todd Agnew on "Do you See what I See?", which by the way, is an incredible Christmas album that explores the viewpoints of different people involved in the Christmas story. It's worth the buying if you like thinking differently. There are a couple of songs I really love. This one's pretty good, but there are even better ones.
So...

God With Us

We saw a star and followed it from the east
We've come so far to get here
We held one hope that we might find a King
But how could we know that He would be

God with us
Immanuel, come to us
The King of Israel abides with us
In this little boy, who would know we'd find
The Eternal One born into time
This baby child is God with us

We brought Him gold and frankincense and myrrh
When riches untold He left behind
We brought our best to celebrate a King
Who'd left His throne so He could be

God with us
Immanuel, come to us
THe King of Israel abides with us
In this little boy, who could know we'd fine
Mortal and mystery somehow intertwined
The baby child is God with us

It's a Gift... and a Curse

If you've ever watched USA's show "Monk" you've heard the main detective repeat a phrase, when referring to his wonderful photographic memory and/or ability to remember strange details that seemingly have nothing to do with anything. Someone inevitably says, "Wow, that's amazing! How do you do that?" And he replies, "It's a gift... and a curse."

I've been saying that phrase a lot lately, because I have, by comparative standards, a pretty darn good memory. And I remember random things that I shouldn't, like what clothes someone was wearing the time I met their fiancee's brother's girlfriend. And because I can remember random things like that, I guess it goes without saying that I also remember important things. Sometimes I can repeat a conversation verbatim. And I'm not saying all of this to brag, but actually to complain, because more often than not, I'm frustrated with my memory. It's great when I can remember when something happened or who said what or some important story that someone told me. It really is a gift that we can remember great times with people, and for me it's even better that I can remember so many details from those experiences. But what's frustrating is when I'm the only person who remembers it. I find myself getting extremely bored in conversations with some people, because they repeat themselves. A lot. They tell the same stories every time I'm with them, and I remember them. Every stinking detail. In fact, I correct people in their own stories sometimes because apparently I remembered the details better than they did. It's overly frustrating for me when I talk to someone and they ask me questions that they asked in the last conversation, as if they never asked them. Grrr.

That is why it's a curse. It's also a curse because it makes it a lot harder to forget painful things. I guess a lot of people don't remember everything that happens to them, or everything a person says. The sad thing for me is when someone hurts me, they hardly ever remember the experience if I bring it up. And then I wonder if I should have brought it up at all. I suppose most people remember getting hurt.

It bruises your soul and those bruises stay around for a while. But what does that mean for someone who doesn't easily forget? We talked about this in my adult bible community on Sunday. Our teacher was talking about demonstrating the love that's poetically examined in First Corinthians 13. Love is patient, love is kind... love does not keep a record of wrong... She said that that means you have to decide you're going to forget. You can't just decide to do that if pain is still tearing at you, so first you have to deal with it. And then you decide to forget. Maybe you can't forget forget, but you can choose not to dwell on your hurts. She said that remembering it is a way of controlling your situation and holding the pain against a person.

And I do that. It's not always because I want to. Most of the time, I'd much rather just forget all of those hurtful experiences and move on in a relationship. But when I can remember, I feel justified in whatever feelings I have toward them. And I feel like I'm doing an act of mercy by remaining their friend or choosing to love them. but that isn't how God's love works, I guess.
i wish things like this were easier to figure out.

Obligations

Sometimes I wonder what things people say because they think they’re supposed to, when really they don’t even know what they’re talking about.

Around this part of the country, it seems that a lot of people (mainly old folks) talk about the weather like it’s a serious subject. And, when it rains, inevitably someone says, “Boy it’s good it’s raining. We really needed it.” It doest seem to matter if it’s been raining cats and dogs for the last seventeen days, we sure needed this rain. It doesn’t matter if the crops are drowning because the ground is saturated. We needed that rain.

I wonder if the people who say that are in frequent contact with farmers who know how much rain we should be getting, or if it’s just something they say because they think it sounds right.

Or like when someone says, “how precious. What a good little girl” when I’m at the store with my baby. How do they know if she’s good or not? Maybe she spent the last fifteen minutes in the car screaming and now she happens to be happy because I opened a box of cookies and gave her one (sometimes that is the case, although she really is a pretty good baby).

Or recently I ran into a lady from church out in public at a restaurant. We were chatting (and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have given me the time o’day if I hadn’t been with a friend whom she knew) about church things, and she asked me if I still coordinate child care for the Bible studies. I was surprised she remembered, andsaid I do. Then she says, “Boy that’s such a blessing to us.” And she said it to a couple of other people too. But she’s in her late fifties probably and all of her kids certainly aren’t needing child care (because they’re older than I am). It’s just kind of funny because I wondered if she’d personally been blessed by what I was doing or if she was just saying it because it sounded like the right thing to say.

Even if it’s true, I don’t think that it was a personal experience for her. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not really picking on this particular woman. It was nice of her to remember what I do. But the whole standard of saying things that sound right just because they sound right just bothers me lately. Sometimes, I think, you end up sounding a lot more intelligent and polite if you just keep your mouth shut when you don’t know something.

Rich

"[Ten] years ago today somebody left. Sort of ducked
out the back while we were all busy singing." -tony

I feel like I can call him by his first name even though I never met him and hardly knew him before he passed away. If I were a celebrity, I think I'd want people to still call me Kristin.

Today is the 10th anniversary of the death of Rich Mullins. If you don't know who he is, you're missing out. Look him up. He was a musician. And more than a musician. Probably foremost, he was a writer. He was a teacher, an evangelist, and a follower of God who did radical things and made statements that upset a lot of people.

At least they upset them before he died. Now a lot of folks like to quote him and glorify his words and put him on a pedestal. I don't know if it's only because he died, or if it's because he needed to die in order for people to take the time to look into what he said. There's something so intriguing about dead musicians.

There's something really intriguing about Rich. Because he was so different than everyone you meet. most people like him don't get put in the spotlight. They live their lives in obedience and faithfulness, doing what God called them to do. He just had so much to say about getting close to God and serving and loving. He wasn't always right, and he certainly wasn't PC. But the more I read and listen to him, the more I wonder if I'm serving God like I should be.

BUt sometimes I'm scared of what God calls me to do. I've been studying the book of Luke, and noticing the theme of how Jesus took time to notice the weak, lonely and broken people. It seems that He had a speical place for them. And I feel that the Church has neglected a responsibility to be ministering to the poor and broken. Rich Mullins talked a lot about that. I think I need to do something more. Not sure what, but I'm going to be thinking on it a lot more often.

Anyway, back to Rich. If you aren't tired of reading yet. I want to share everything he did and said with you, but I guess there is no time. And you might not appreciate it like I do. But if you do, there's a link to his articles on the right side of my blog, and 20 the Countdown magazine did a nice tribute to him last weekend, which you can find by scrolling to the bottom of this page.

Some days when I see his words matching exactly what I feel, I really miss him. I can't wait till heaven to see people I respect and admire made whole by God.

So when my body lies in the ruins
of the lies that nearly ruined me
will you pick up the pieces that were pure and true
and breathe your life into them
and set me free
and when you start this world over again from scratch
will you make me new out of the stuff that lasts
and can I be with you?
Can I be with you?
(Rich Mullins/Be with You)

500 Miles

I was in Chicago yesterday to meet up with some internet friends. The only internet friends I have anymore, I guess.
It was good. The conversation wasn't especially deep. We walked to Starbucks so I could get quarters for my parking meter. We ate chicago-style pizza in a booth by Larry Bird's basketball jersey. We talked about college pranks and women in ministry and high school relationships. Reminisced a little.
I wish I were better at talking and being deep. I feel like I'm a really boring person sometimes. I've started to notice that people get tired in my presence.
Anyway. I had a good time, even if my friends didn't. I enjoy them in real life just as much as I do on the internet. And Besides, everyone needs a big bear hug once in a while. Or two.
Some things are worth driving 500 miles for.

It's Loneliness I Need

I wrote this whoel entry in my head last night, but I'm sure I won't remember it as eloquently as I had it yesterday.
I'm up visiting my relatives in Montana this week. We're having a pretty good time. It's a lot different now that I'm married and grown up and the other cousins who are my age aren't around. We still see each other once ina while, but now there are only two cousins living here with my aunt and uncle and grandparents. They're in high school, and being around them reminds me of those days when my perspective was so... different.

"...friendship is not a remedy for loneliness. Loneliness is a part of our experience and if we are looking for relief from loneliness in friendship, we are only going to frustrate the friendship. Friendship, camaraderie, intimacy, all those things and loneliness live together in the same experience." ~Rich Mullins

Recently my friend Amy came over to visit, and some how we got on the topic of youth group and high school, and I told her about how my class in youth group was really cool and was this great group of leaders, but I was never "one of them". We got along. There was a mutual respect and even some rapport from all of the trips we went on together and all of the activities. We all knew each other pretty well.
But they were all friends who shared their lives with each other. Some how, amidst the events I helped plan, leading worship, teaching, and being present at almost every event, I was an outsider. I never felt included. And, even looking back, I'm fairly certain it wasn't just my imagination or me feeling sorry for myself.
It didn't usually bother me, but when they were planning things without including me, or when I showed up at a "friend's" house to give her a birthday card and found that she was having a sleepover, or when they all went to a school dance together and didn't even ask me if I wanted to go, I'd get so frustrated and hurt.
After a particularly hurtful experience, I went home and poured everything out in an e-mail to my mentor friend Brian. We'd talked about it before in different scenarios, and he'd always say he knew what it was like to be accepted but not included. But he would also talk about how loneliness actually stemmed from our relationship with God, or the lack thereof, and how if we weren't walking closely with Him, we'd feel lonely even if we were surrounded by people who loved us.
I think I've seen that pattern to be true. And I've noticed that I can always find a reason to feel alienated and seperate. I think that most of us do that, and i wonder if maybe it's just a way of embodying the emptiness we feel when we aren't close to God. Sure I know Him and trust Him, but walking with Him is something else. Daily getting to know Him better is hard and it's concious, and when I'm not reminding myself to do it, I can find it easy to drift.
And as I drift, I become less content with relationships and more worried about what people think of me and whether or not I'm included.
Maybe this is only something that's true to me. But I do know, no matter where I'm at, that God always understands me and knows me, and wants to include me in His plans and purposes. And when I'm remembering that, it's a lot easier to be less worried about other peoples' parties and lives. And sometimes, it's loneliness that I need to remind me how empty I am without Him.

Posting

I feel like writing a long post about all of the things that have been on my mind lately... but that's what a journal's for, I suppose. I have been thinking about societal expectations and the Church, and being too comfortable. Today I read in Luke chapter 7 the account of the sinful woman anointing Jesus' feet. When Jesus says, "Therefore, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. but to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little", I felt like it was talking about me. The one who loves little. Not that I'm not sinful, and not that I'm not in constant need of God's grace and forgiveness... but I don't think I've experienced it like some have. And I don't know that I ever will experience it in some way. Because I don't really know what it's like to be without God. Certainly there are times when I feel like He isn't listening and isn't there, but I always know He is.
And lately I feel like I love little. I suppose there are ways to change that. And I don't think that those who grow up knowing Christ can't experience the same depth of love that someone who got saved from sex, drugs and alcohol does. But I wonder how I can get from loving little to knowing that intense love and experiencing... more.

The Jesus Box

I don't want to be a cynic
but I've been thinking lately.
Been reading the Gospel of Luke and the stories of Jesus
And I'm starting to wonder:
if I had never met a preacher and never gone to bible school
If I'd never been to church
and been exposed to theology
and doctrine of wise men and scholars
If I'd never watched the Jesus film or seen Him on TV
what kind of Jesus would he be?

Institutions or what?

I went back to a website I used to frequent written by a Christian musician (I stopped frequenting it because I was continually annoyed by what he said). Remembered why I don't go there so often.

Also I came to a conclusion about something that has bothered me for a long time. Something I always want to participate in discussions and arguments over, but can't ever think of the best way to say it. It's the whole stupid Acts 2 argument. That churches aren't doing it right. That we don't have real community and the solution is to stop going to institutionalized church and form your little community in a home church, so that you can really know everyone you worship with.

I suppose there's some validity to that conclusion. It especially works in areas where there is no solid church to attend. But I think that we deprive ourselves of significant growth opportunities by choosing to seclude ourselves because of our disillusionment with stereotypical churches.

And I don't think it has to be one way or the other. I think it should be BOTH. And I know that this isn't brain surgery and lots of people have said it, but I've leaned more toward the traditional church practice and away from "home churches" or "small groups" or "upper room" environments.

Both have something to offer, though. And both should be part of our daily lives. Because the people in Acts devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching AND to the breaking of bread. And they met in the temple courts AND they broke bread in their homes and ate together. (Acts 2:42-47). Most importantly, the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

And that's key, I think. The adding to their numbers. Not for the sake of numbers, but for the sake of GOd and His Name. I really don't think anyone should run away, neglecting the large bodies of churches without a better reason than "there's no community". Because ministry teams, Bible studies, small groups and whatever can and should exist within a church. But they alone cannot offer the same things that an established church with well-equipped staff. (I don't have time to elaborate on that idea, but I'm not just spouting off opinions there. I mean, it is an opinion, but I have some foundations for it as well.)

But maybe I'm just talking.

Technology, friend or foe?

I apologize for the cliche title.

My Space, xanga, Facebook, Blogger, Juno, Gmail, lycosmail. I have an account with each of these. And I still can't figure out how to manage most of them. My junk mail lycos account finally probably shut down. I only made it so my academic decathlon coach wouldn't know my real address, and then I kept using it for internet things that ask for your address.
I have no idea how to use facebook or myspace really. And I have no desire to learn. I do what I can when I have time, but I honestly don't care about them. It's just that all of my cousins have myspace accounts, as well as a couple of friends from high school.
And I actually kind of like xanga better than other things, even though it's behind. Even though it was kind of the first thing. I always seem to jump on board right away, and then everyone else goes in new directions just when I'm starting to like where I'm at.
I remember my first e-mail account. It was with AOL before 4 million people had aol accounts. Me and my high school friends would e-mail each other because we all ahd e-mail. But most people didn't until the next year.
I like being able to stay in touch with friends who move away. But I feel like all of these things leave me lacking. I can read what other people think, but in order to give a really good response, I feel like I'd need to be sitting across from them at a coffee house face-to-face. I can read stuff that my kids write online and be deeply offended and bothered by them, but they feel invincible online and if you call them out on it, they like to pretend like it's not the real world.
And I wonder if it is.
Not to hack to death an old subject, but I'm starting to feel like these online communities are worse for us than they are good. As an "adult", I've really appreciated how I can use them to stay in contact. But some of the people I knew in high school would probably rather not be found by me. And I wish I hadn't found some of them, too. Because then I could go on thinking that they just lost touch, not that they stopped wanting to be in touch (which is the case in some of my relationships, but not all).
BUt seriously. I really wonder if high schoolers have too much of their lives invested in these things. If maybe there wouldn't be as many misunderstandings and fights if they didn't exist. Or if they were used in proportion.

And another problem I have is that I really don't have time for even one blog, let alone two or three and all of the comments and ebullitions that go along with them. And uploading pictures and whatever. I just get tired of it, but I feel chained to them because if I stop using them, I'll lose contact with my friends. I don't feel like it should be that way. I feel like my friends should be willing to stay in contact without internet technology (email excluded). Phones still exsist. So do phone books. And I live in the same city I have all my life, so I don't know why it's so hard for people to find me. Blah. I'd better stop because I'm getting grumpy. ANd so is my baby.

Ten Years Ago

Ten years ago, I was in the middle of the worst year of my life. Not only was I losing the friends I'd always known, I was also doing very poorly in math, felt like a misfit everywhere I went, and was in the middle of a spiritual crisis. My family had just left the church I'd grown up in. We left on bad terms, due to differences in theology. We were asked to leave. but I still think we were the ones who were right. And now I'm glad we did leave, but then it didn't look so good.
Things were happening that didn't make any sense. I was hurt, and I had a lot of questions. Like how could a church be so mean? Why did Christians hurt us so much? If that was where I'd learned all about God, what if everything I knew is wrong? What was I supposed to do to stop my friends from following bad doctrine? How could I follow God when everything looked so hopeless?
I couldn't necessarily articulate everything I was feeling, but looking back, I see that I was crushed. Everything I'd found security in was shaken, including my family. We were like church refugees, and we all had different questions and concerns that we were wrestling with. I am so thankful for Brian, my internet friend, who was stable and supportive when I was so confused.

Ten years ago, I visited a new church with my family. When we came in the doors, a red-haired man greeted us with a friendly smile. He led us through the donut line and to one of the front rows of the sanctuary, which was a bunch of chairs lined up in an old elementary school gym. He talked to my dad and told him about his family. "Six boys. I could like that," I joked to my brother.
I didn't realize that I was going to like that. In fact, I was going to fall deeply in love with one of them only a few years later. And marry him.

I didn't realize a lot of things then, because I was lonely and hurt. My faith in God was weak, my family members were dealing with their own problems in their own ways (because that's what we're like), and my broken relationships left me fearful that even the ones I cherished the most were only temporary. I didn't realize that God was involved with every event of that time, and that He was working in my heart to teach me to love him and serve Him better. I didn't realize that healing would come. I didn't even realize then how bitterness was taking hold in my heart and would eat at me for years to follow.
What I did understand, though, was that day, I felt like I was in a place I could start to like. I met one of the sons of the guy who had introduced himself to us. He sat with me and my brother and talked about the youth group and life. At least two other people greeted us happily. I liked this church. And I remember feeling so relieved that there was a chance to fit in among God's people again.
In so many ways, God restored to me the years the locusts ate. I thought I fit in at my old youth group, but it was never anything like this new church. I met one of my closest friends on the first day there (although we didn't really become close friends for several more years), and built countless other deep solid friendships that sustained me through high school and college. I met my husband and his fantastic family. I got to know a youth pastor who changed my life by the things he said to me personally and to the youth group. I had a chance to lead worship and be involved in so many ways. I was accepted and included. It was so amazing.

Now when I look back at that time, I'm so happy it happened like it did. There are a lot of things I wish had happened differently. but I've been contemplative lately, and I've realized that sometimes in order for God to do big things, we have to let go of the things we're familiar with.
Sometimes we can do it on our own, but sometimes it has to be torn from us against our will. And then I guess, it's just my job to be open for new things and let God keep doing His work.

Concerns about New Age and the Church

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the status of the Church? Or the world? I often do, but I try not to think about it so much and do what I can about the little things. But once in a while, there are things i can't push aside, things that shouldn't be ignored or blown off. And, little or big, I can't sit around and watch them without saying something.

Like yoga. I felt bad at my Bible study last week when I made a comment that I didn't think we should be doing yoga. My friends seemed to think I was going off the deep end. And I really did feel bad for offending them if I did, and for saying what I did. But at the same time, I believe it's truth, and I'm honestly afraid not to speak the truth about the New Age, because I see it seeping into the Church so often. And it worries me that many will be led astray like in 2 Timothy chapter 4.

Then I got to thinking about Yoga, and why Christians practice it. And it worries me that so many people are willing to just do whatever as long as it doesn't pose a direct threat or send up immediate red flags. I feel as if many Christians aren't taking time to actually think and research, pray and be taught about the practices they keep. Maybe they aren't all as godly as they sound. Maybe they aren't biblical.

So let me take a minute to educate my readers on Yoga. It's a part of the Hindu religion, a practice used to unite your soul with the Greater Soul of the universe, to allow you to meditate without the distraction of physical pain or constraints. The positions ("stretches") are each designed with a specific purpose to accomplish that goal. In this article, I read that Hindus are actually bothered by Christians practicing yoga and claiming they can use it as a Christian exersize. One Swami said that the idea of yoga as exersize is like calling Baptism underwater aerobics. It simply wasn't meant to be used that way--it was meant as a spiritual endeavor. If I were to ask everyone in my bible study to keel toward Mecca and pray to Allah, they would say I was insane. If I were to say "In the spirit of the Muslims who look toward Mecca and pray five times a day, I think that we should maybe try doing that this week. I think it would connect us with God", I think my friends would tell me I'm insane. But the same kind of attitude is used in practicing yoga. When I hear "I want to do a yoga class" I really hear, "Let's go do stretches that were designed to connect us with an ungodly spirit". With or without the actual meditation part, we are still emulating a religion that we claim to be seperate from.

I probably do sound like a fanatic. But I just get nervous when I see people taking part in New Age practices and claiming that it is part of their walk with God. I know that many people say that to them, yoga is just a form of exersize, but I take issue with that. Because no Hindu will tell you that their yoga is just exersize. And the yoga taught in America today is modeled right after the Hindu practice.

If we state that GOd is original, and Christianity is unique from hindu, Islam, Judeaism, etc, then why are we borrowing practices from those religions? Why would we want to take part in something that came from a stated foe of Christianity? We do not believe that "all paths lead to God" or that "Everything has some part of God in it". We do not believe that practices are what unite us with God, but rather that it is His grace alone, through Christ's sacrifice for us on the cross. While exersize in and of itself is beneficial, I wonder why we have such trouble handling our stress, when Jesus told us to come to Him with our burdens (Matthew 11:28), and to cast our anxiety on Him because He cares for us (2 Peter 5:7). That said, I'm not sure that we need yoga to relax ourselves. And I have dealt with my share of stress. I think that we're depriving oruselves of a chance to know God better and trust Him more wholly when we decide to use New Age methods to calm our anxiety instead of the old fashioned prayer and patience.

I don't like arguing with people, and I don't like having to defend myself when it's something, to me, that anyone should see as a problem. New Age practices have no place in the church. God is original. God speaks to us in these last days through His Son (Hebrews 1:2), and the God-breathed scripture (1 Timothy 3:16-17). He has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Christ (2 Peter 1:3), and we are complete, thoroghly equipped for every good work (1 Tim 3:17) through scripture and Christ.

If you've read this far, I want to encourage you to start looking into practices and teachings that don't align themselves with Scripture. And to familiarize yourself with heretical docterine so that you can be able to discern it. I'm not saying that as a fanatic, but as one who has taken to heart what Ephesians 5:15 and 16 say: See then that you walk carefully, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. I leave you with this, and hope that you are still my friends.

Colossians 2:8-10 NKJV
Beware lest anyone cheat you throuh philosphy and empty deciet, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ. For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and YOU ARE COMPLETE IN HIM, who is the head of all principality and power.

My 40th Post!

This feels like my forth, but apparently it's my forthieth... or blogger can't count. I didn't spend time looking back, but maybe I should.
Anyway, this is a poem about a certain teenager I know, but it applies to many I've met and talked with. And I don't really know if it's any good, but the one person who I know for sure reads my blog will at least be interested in it.

Something tells me you've spent most of your years
running from things no one should see
and, hiding from the monsters
you fear
to take off your mask and live without lies
It could mean everything you've ever known will vanish

And something tells me
your thoughts are riddled with
confusion and questions
and the pain of saying goodbye
to everything you've believed
and lived that caused you to die
threatens to unravel your new life.

Still you can see Someone moving,
changing your being--forming your heart
and you sense His call
More than just a passing pleasure or a flickering dream
forgotten like the dried leaves of fall
more than the best things you've craved
is His dream for your life and all
you've ever lived to believe in
So don't forget--and don't ever let go
because He's holding you
and it's better to believe in the whisper of hope
than to die in the shriveling thorns.

PDT Eye-Theatre and Generations

I've heard a lot of people lately saying things like, "I'm 25 and accomplished nothing" or "I'm almost thirty and have nothing to show for it". Got me thinking. When does a person need to have accomplished what they're supposed to have accomplished? Why are we so dissatisfied with the things we are accomplishing?

So many of us are saying that we feel like we're still kids, but at the same time we're saying we're getting old.

What is old? Is that when the kids you babysat start graduating from high school? Or the kids down the street talk about things and you have no idea what they're even saying? Or maybe it's when you stop being able to keep up with new developments in technology. I think that people in our grandparents' generation are completely overwhelmed right now because of the changes that happen so fast. They had technology when they were our age, but it didn't develop so quickly. I mean, think about how three years ago hardly anyone had LCD monitors. Now they're making Geordie LeForge goggles you can watch movies on! A forth grader was telling me about them today, and I seriously started wondering if he was trying to pull my leg. And then I thought to myself that maybe I'm old. Not only does the pdt eye theater sound completely useless and unnecessary, it's the kind of thing we imagined when we thought of a hundred years from now... and it's now. Ten years ago, the things we thought were thirty or fifty years in the future are starting to happen now.
I think about my grandparents and the lives they've lived. And now they aren't really able to keep up with technology and society (although my grandma really can hold her own with computers), but something tells me they weren't wondering what they'd accomplished when they were twenty-five. They'd already lived through the darkest period of American history (arguably, but don't argue), and would only live to see more hard times. But I think that their lives were richer then.
Which brings me back to the original question. Why is my generation so dissatisfied with what they are accomplishing? People who are headed up the ladder in their business offices, own their own businesses, have their master's degrees, etc. are wishing that they were married and "settled down". People who have families (and I am included in this often), see their lives and wish that they'd finished college or wonder why they aren't pursuing a career. People who aren't married think they're headed to the reject pile; people who are married think they need kids; and the cycle goes on and on until we're seventy-five and die?
I've never been a believer in that whole carpe diem idea. I believing in looking ahead and behind and being content to live in today expecting the consequences for whatever choices I make. I think that when we can see our current life as part of a lifetime, all of the experiences and relationships now contributing to our futures, it's easier to get a perspective and realize that what we do now is important, not only for ourselves, but for others.
The technology and developments are continually causing us to think forward, and pushing and pulling us toward our uncertain futures. But I think that we need to slow down a little more often and consider the value of whatever position we're in, and enjoy it while we're there.
But I'm just wondering out loud. What do you think?