I'm kind of tired of you making it so difficult to have babies. While some of you make it into this big deal to try and market all of the things we "need" that actually just clutter up the house and make things more complicated, others of you try to tell us that having babies isn't "enough", that we should be working too or keeping house better or cooking amazing meals, etc. And then there are those of you who think it is SUCH a big deal that you can't really see anything as important as having babies and you're just as bad.
Here's the thing. I don't like being a mom all that much. Sure, there are parts I love, but do you know how many other things I'd rather do on most days? So, really, you're making my life more miserable with all of your expectations of me.
Also, while you have these opinions, there's also this belief that a mom should be able to leave her baby behind sometimes. I'm sorry. If I have a baby who needs me, I can't just leave her. Good for the people who can. I can't, and you shouldn't expect me to. Yes, I realize that I need to make sacrifices and sometimes I just have to decide not to do some things because bringing a baby won't benefit anyone else there. But you forget. Sometimes having a baby present does benefit people. And most of the time, who does it hurt? The baby is my responsibility. I'm not expecting the world to drop everything to accommodate her. I'm doing the best I can to accommodate you, really, and I'd appreciate some flexibility on your end of it all.
Moms have a hard job and it only makes it harder when you shove your expectations onto them. It's not like they make their babies fussy. It's not like they want them to cry when you're trying to enjoy conversation with people. Moms do the best they know how to do, but moms don't like being excluded from society just because they have a baby with them. Maybe you forgot what it was like when you had a baby. Or maybe you never had one. Or, in either case, maybe this mom's baby just isn't like yours. You don't know her situation. You don't know if she's on the brink of a breakdown and just needed to get out of the house for a little bit and see people or get some milk and there's no other option but to take the crying baby along. You don't know if she hasn't slept in three weeks and her brain isn't working that well. You don't know if she cried all afternoon because someone made a remark about her baby or gave unsolicited opinions. You just don't know. But, whatever the mommy's situation is, she would appreciate support and sympathy a lot more than judgmental looks and unreachable standards and alienation.
Thank you for listening.
Signed, an exhausted mommy
PS Thanks to the people who "get" this. I know you are out there and I hope you're the majority.
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Yes, the people who get it are in the majority. They really, really are. Unfortunately, they have quiet voices, and allow society to tell them, "nope, you can't bring your baby to a MOTHER'S CONFERENCE", or... okay I won't go into it on your blog. :-) Thank you for seeing the crazy there, and taking a stand and using your voice.
Too bad it doesn't get any better. Nick and I are finding out that kids are just unwelcome in general. Some campgrounds charge you extra for your kids, and then provide no play equipment. Kids are often not welcome in restaurants, and some places will be bold enough to say so. At the summer play at Brucemore, we were told a child's ticket is $5 more than the normal adult ticket.
it's not just babies. This world wants humans to be extinct, and it's workin hard at it.
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