Last week in my adult Bible class at church, we broke into small groups and shared prayer requests. This isn't uncommon for us to do. This week, there were some new people in my group. We sat around and visited for a while, and then we shared the things on our hearts. We agreed to pray for the person on our left, and then we went around hte circle.
Next thing I knew, the "new guy" was praying, with tears, for the "new girl" beside him that her husband would know God and would come to church. We didn't know each other, but we were all earnestly praying for the same thing.
we passed around tissue and went on with class.
But I've thought about that moment over and over for the last week. About how beautiful it really was. What an example of how the Church is supposed to be. Because we should be praying for each other with that kind of zeal. And we should be allowed to get emotional about peoples' souls and eternity. And we shouldn't have to be afraid to let go of the tears when we're pouring our hearts out to God. And we should always have that kind of unity when we are praying together.
There have been other moments like that for me along my walk with God, but this one struck me so hard. Maybe it was because we didn't know each other except for those five minutes we talked, and still we found the common cause moving enough that we could share our fervency. Maybe it just happened to be what we were praying for. Maybe we were all short on sleep. I don't know. All I know is, God heard us, and I truly believe He answers those prayers like he promised, when two or three are gathered together, He is with them. And I want more of that in my life.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Truth Speakers
I think we see it on TV more than in real life. Some person, a close friend or an enemy or say, a cop's partner, finally lets loose and gives out their analysis of their friend's reason behind why they act the way they do, why it's wrong (or right or justified) and we watch while the person hearing these things reacts in anger or pushes it away. Because it's true, and they don't want to hear it.
There are times in my life when I long for truth-speakers to just say what they see in me. I had a few of them when i was younger. Brian, my big brother who I met in a chat room (best guy I ever knew at the time. Still in my top 10.) Nathan, another big brother, who actually became my big brother (in-law). Sarah, my slight neurotic, oversensitive friend who liked to talk about others but wasn't so into hearing things about herself. And there have been others along the way. A few who seem to know me well, who see through the shimmery masks I sometimes wear and say what they see.
Sometimes the questions and doubts get so big inside of me, that it feels like if someone doesn't fix them, I'll explode. It's not that I'm relying on people to fix my problems. But sometimes you get so wrapped up in yourself, you don't see the things in your heart that have become black marks, that are pulling you further away from the truth.
And while I'm bemoaning the fact that I don't have people like that in my life right now, I'm realizing that maybe I'm different than I was back then. There were a few people I could be honest with, and who I knew I could say what I really wanted to say to. Now there's this trap around me, and really, just a lot less time to sit around psycho-analyzing my life and thoughts. Maybe I should do it more often. Maybe we all should. Because those truth-speakers, who say things that aren't always easy to say, who leave wounds on the soul that become strong spots, who can heal by pulling away the calluses and showing you reality, who love so much that their hard-to-swallow words feel more like candy than medicine--they're out there. I know they are. I don't want to show myself to them anymore, though. But I think I should.
And, while I'm at it, I think that I should be less afraid to say what I see in others. I always come across as brash or blunt, but if I can just gauge myself, somehow figure out the grace end of grace and truth, the loving amidst battles, then maybe God would be able to use me more often.
And that's all I have to say on that one.
There are times in my life when I long for truth-speakers to just say what they see in me. I had a few of them when i was younger. Brian, my big brother who I met in a chat room (best guy I ever knew at the time. Still in my top 10.) Nathan, another big brother, who actually became my big brother (in-law). Sarah, my slight neurotic, oversensitive friend who liked to talk about others but wasn't so into hearing things about herself. And there have been others along the way. A few who seem to know me well, who see through the shimmery masks I sometimes wear and say what they see.
Sometimes the questions and doubts get so big inside of me, that it feels like if someone doesn't fix them, I'll explode. It's not that I'm relying on people to fix my problems. But sometimes you get so wrapped up in yourself, you don't see the things in your heart that have become black marks, that are pulling you further away from the truth.
And while I'm bemoaning the fact that I don't have people like that in my life right now, I'm realizing that maybe I'm different than I was back then. There were a few people I could be honest with, and who I knew I could say what I really wanted to say to. Now there's this trap around me, and really, just a lot less time to sit around psycho-analyzing my life and thoughts. Maybe I should do it more often. Maybe we all should. Because those truth-speakers, who say things that aren't always easy to say, who leave wounds on the soul that become strong spots, who can heal by pulling away the calluses and showing you reality, who love so much that their hard-to-swallow words feel more like candy than medicine--they're out there. I know they are. I don't want to show myself to them anymore, though. But I think I should.
And, while I'm at it, I think that I should be less afraid to say what I see in others. I always come across as brash or blunt, but if I can just gauge myself, somehow figure out the grace end of grace and truth, the loving amidst battles, then maybe God would be able to use me more often.
And that's all I have to say on that one.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Jeremiah
Do you think that you were made just to sound the alarm
Did you ever wonder if anyone would listen
Or did you think they all would?
Standing there in the ruins of the city
That word you could not quench
The voices you could not quiet
The fire you could not quell
You who were mocked and ignored
Still there yelling, sobbing, mourning and fighting
Bringing forth the word
Foretelling death and judgment
The one who was chosen
The one who was hated.
But it didn’t change your message.
It didn’t mean you were wrong
Just a piece of cruel irony
The prophet to a hardened people
Who thought they understood God
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Where were you?
Seems like the question people ask about 9-11. Maybe just because of that overdramatized song... maybe because people seem to remember stuff like that. I remember. I didn't have any clue it had happened, sitting alone in the apartment while Daniel was at class. A friend IM'ed me and asked something like "Did you watch the news?" or something like that, so I thought I should check. I went to some website and looked it up (no TV), and saw the burning tower. It was right after it happened. Then we watched the rest of the day while the news unfolded.
I went home and listened to "While the Nations Rage" by Rich Mullins, over and over and over.
And I know that people remember that moment like it was frozen in time, but I don't really get it. Maybe because I didn't get it then, either. The impact. I was 19. Maybe I still don't get it, though.
I like to remember, and I'm so proud of our country and how we all pulled together and stood united. I wish it happened more often, but in this day and age it just won't.
I remember seeing the flags at half-mass. and the patriotic sentiments we all shared.
I remember the news that came through over the next weeks.
I remember feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of disaster.
But I never felt unsafe. And I never wondered "why" it happened. And I'm so glad it isn't our job to save the world, because look at what a disaster we've made of it.
It's tragic. I think about it often, too. Those burning towers and the lives that were lost. All of the sadness and sorrow and pain. And I wish that I understood better. I wish it would have just ended there so we wouldn't have to listen to stories of soldiers dying and wonder who's safe.
Maybe I'm naive. But I still believe. I believe we're all in His hands and everyone will have to give an account for what they've done.
While the Nations Rage
Why do the nations rage?
Why do they plot and scheme?
Their bullets can't stop the prayers we pray
In the name of the Prince of Peace
We walk in faith and remember long ago
How they killed Him and then how on the third day He arose
Well, things may look bad
And things may look grim
But all these things must pass except the things that are of Him
Where are the nails that pierced His hands?
Well the nails have turned to rust
But behold the Man
He is risen
And He reigns
In the hearts of the children
Rising up in His name
Where are the thorns that drew His blood?
Well, the thorns have turned to dust
But not so the love
He has given
No, it remains
In the hearts of the children
Who will love while the nations rage
The Lord in Heaven laughs
He knows what is to come
While all the chiefs of state plan their big attacks
Against His anointed One
The Church of God she will not bend her knees
To the gods of this world though they promise her peace
She stands her ground
Stands firm on the Rock
Watch their walls tumble down when she lives out His love
Where are the nails...
I went home and listened to "While the Nations Rage" by Rich Mullins, over and over and over.
And I know that people remember that moment like it was frozen in time, but I don't really get it. Maybe because I didn't get it then, either. The impact. I was 19. Maybe I still don't get it, though.
I like to remember, and I'm so proud of our country and how we all pulled together and stood united. I wish it happened more often, but in this day and age it just won't.
I remember seeing the flags at half-mass. and the patriotic sentiments we all shared.
I remember the news that came through over the next weeks.
I remember feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of disaster.
But I never felt unsafe. And I never wondered "why" it happened. And I'm so glad it isn't our job to save the world, because look at what a disaster we've made of it.
It's tragic. I think about it often, too. Those burning towers and the lives that were lost. All of the sadness and sorrow and pain. And I wish that I understood better. I wish it would have just ended there so we wouldn't have to listen to stories of soldiers dying and wonder who's safe.
Maybe I'm naive. But I still believe. I believe we're all in His hands and everyone will have to give an account for what they've done.
While the Nations Rage
Why do the nations rage?
Why do they plot and scheme?
Their bullets can't stop the prayers we pray
In the name of the Prince of Peace
We walk in faith and remember long ago
How they killed Him and then how on the third day He arose
Well, things may look bad
And things may look grim
But all these things must pass except the things that are of Him
Where are the nails that pierced His hands?
Well the nails have turned to rust
But behold the Man
He is risen
And He reigns
In the hearts of the children
Rising up in His name
Where are the thorns that drew His blood?
Well, the thorns have turned to dust
But not so the love
He has given
No, it remains
In the hearts of the children
Who will love while the nations rage
The Lord in Heaven laughs
He knows what is to come
While all the chiefs of state plan their big attacks
Against His anointed One
The Church of God she will not bend her knees
To the gods of this world though they promise her peace
She stands her ground
Stands firm on the Rock
Watch their walls tumble down when she lives out His love
Where are the nails...
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
what's the DEAL
Angsty venting coming right up!
Here's the problem I'm having lately. I don't fit into boxes. And it's driving me nuts. I don't like being boxed in, but it seems like that's the only way people will accept me. I've made an art out of being mediocre, but some how that doesn't work when I pull from all kinds of different boxes and make my own outfit up. And yet, I still look like everyone else, and I obviously don't stick out enough for anyone to notice me or think I have anything to offer the general population.
This doesn't make any sense. All I'm saying is, I wish people wouldn't decide who I am just because of some box I happen to be pulling stuff out of. I've got talents you'll never see. I'm way smarter than I get credit for. And, I suck at plenty of things that people think I'm good at. Seriously.
I'm just in a bad mood. Feeling so sarcastic. most of the time I can reign it in--keep my mouth shut when I want to make a snide remark. I'm SO funny in my head, but I try so hard not to be mean. And usually it works, but today I just want to GO OFF on someone or something and let the whole world know how annoyed I am. But, this blog isn't anonymous enough to actually be explicit in the real things that are bothering me, s oI'm just going to whine about these vague things.
I need to shut up and go to bed. but I drank a chai tea and now I'm buzzed.
And, I really want some guacamole.
Here's the problem I'm having lately. I don't fit into boxes. And it's driving me nuts. I don't like being boxed in, but it seems like that's the only way people will accept me. I've made an art out of being mediocre, but some how that doesn't work when I pull from all kinds of different boxes and make my own outfit up. And yet, I still look like everyone else, and I obviously don't stick out enough for anyone to notice me or think I have anything to offer the general population.
This doesn't make any sense. All I'm saying is, I wish people wouldn't decide who I am just because of some box I happen to be pulling stuff out of. I've got talents you'll never see. I'm way smarter than I get credit for. And, I suck at plenty of things that people think I'm good at. Seriously.
I'm just in a bad mood. Feeling so sarcastic. most of the time I can reign it in--keep my mouth shut when I want to make a snide remark. I'm SO funny in my head, but I try so hard not to be mean. And usually it works, but today I just want to GO OFF on someone or something and let the whole world know how annoyed I am. But, this blog isn't anonymous enough to actually be explicit in the real things that are bothering me, s oI'm just going to whine about these vague things.
I need to shut up and go to bed. but I drank a chai tea and now I'm buzzed.
And, I really want some guacamole.
Sunday, September 04, 2011
More from the Lesser World
Today we went into the new church building and saw all of the people we've always seen, in fact more than usual. There's a wide open area where people can mingle. They call it Main Street.
In the service I looked around at all the usual faces, spread out further, harder to see. but still happy.
The first time i went in there, the greeter at the door was our late senior pastor's wife, who still attends with her new husband Richard. and it hit me. It was a little taste of heaven. Not because it was the most amazing building ever made or anything, but just because. One day we'll leave these shadows and find ourselves in the light, in the truest forms of what was represented on earth like Plato said. Sort of like leaving behind the old building with all of its fond memories and leaky pipes and broken tiles and flashy flourescent lights, walking into the splendor of newness. Instead of just seeing faces of the other people from church, it will be the Church of every age, all of those witnesses who went before us.
And there we'll see all of these faces of people--ones who we knew on the lesser world, whose flaws and moles and dark secrets are washed away, clothed in white. And the smiles will be real, and we'll be surrounded by unspeakable beauty and wonder, too vast to explore, more creative than we ever could create, more magical than we ever imagined.
And I think Pastor Ray (along with thousands of other amazing people we knew on earth) will be there at the door, smiling, giving hugs and saying, "Welcome home!"
In the service I looked around at all the usual faces, spread out further, harder to see. but still happy.
The first time i went in there, the greeter at the door was our late senior pastor's wife, who still attends with her new husband Richard. and it hit me. It was a little taste of heaven. Not because it was the most amazing building ever made or anything, but just because. One day we'll leave these shadows and find ourselves in the light, in the truest forms of what was represented on earth like Plato said. Sort of like leaving behind the old building with all of its fond memories and leaky pipes and broken tiles and flashy flourescent lights, walking into the splendor of newness. Instead of just seeing faces of the other people from church, it will be the Church of every age, all of those witnesses who went before us.
And there we'll see all of these faces of people--ones who we knew on the lesser world, whose flaws and moles and dark secrets are washed away, clothed in white. And the smiles will be real, and we'll be surrounded by unspeakable beauty and wonder, too vast to explore, more creative than we ever could create, more magical than we ever imagined.
And I think Pastor Ray (along with thousands of other amazing people we knew on earth) will be there at the door, smiling, giving hugs and saying, "Welcome home!"
Friday, September 02, 2011
Facebook, bane of banes.
Reasons I would like to quit facebook:
Waste of time. Hours lost. Hours.
Frivolous. If I could guarantee that people would only post something interesting I wouldn't mind reading everyone's posts. I'm sorry. I don't CARE where you're eating supper, unless you're inviting me to join you.
Big Brother. Too many details. Too many pictures. The Man can get whatever he needs to bring you down, baby.
People I don't Know that well. Did you have to friend me? Now I'm in a moral delima. We were in a wedding together and we'll probably never talk again. But if I ignore you now, you might be offended.
People I know well. But, what are we going to talk about now that you already told me that on facebook?
Yes, No or Maybe. I don't know if people used to be allowed to RSVP with maybe. But now that they can, it really puts a dent in planning things when everyone's holding off on their real answer to make sure there's nothing better happening that night.
Time suck. Oh, did I mention that? Why can't I keep away? Why can't I just be OK with not reading everyone's updates. Because, WHAT IF I MISS SOMETHING IMPORTANT. And that takes me back to the real life thing. Someone ASSUMES I know they're pregnant because they announced it on facebook, but I didn't happen to read all of those posts that day. Now I missed it and she's six months along and I'm still too afraid to ask for sure.
Misunderstandings. I guess some people just don't "get" me. Or, maybe having a platform to sound off any rash opinion i happen to have isn't the best thing for me. I don't know. But I don't like offending people, either way.
"Pass it on"s. OH THEYRE SO STUPID. QUIT. It's not helping anyone to post a little blurb about how great your second cousin is or why we should care more about soldiers. Maybe, we should just go and volunteer in the community.
Scams, especially the video sorts. I didn't really want to even see the title of that in my news feed. And really, if you haven't figured out by now that your seventy-year-old next door neighbor isn't the sort who would post a nasty video of Miley that isn't actually a video, then you shouldn't be on facebook anyway. Get your minds out of the gutter.
Reasons I can't talk myself into quitting facebook:
Friends. I don't want to miss what's happening. And secretly, I'm afraid they won't tell me if they put it on facebook because they expect me to just read it.
Long-distance friends. The people I never get to see but occasionally wonder how they're doing, what they're up to.
Family. It's pretty much the only way I stay in contact with my cousins.
Easy contact. I don't have to keep addresses on file. I can just facebook them!
Coupon blogs. They go in my news feed so I don't have to remember to check them every day. I've probably saved myself $10 by now.
Games. Not gonna lie. Sometimes I need a boggle fix, and I need it NOW.
The Happenings. I'm actually guilty of forgetting to invite a non-facebook friend to an event, because I invited everyone else via facebook., I don't want to be that person.
My window to the outside world. There are people who, let's face it, aren't ever going to actually talk to me in real life. but, they happen to be my facebook friend so I can see what's going on in those circles without ever having to be social. And, that's really the ultimate reason. I don't want to have to expend effort to talk to people. Sitting here on my butt, in the comfort of my own home, with Star Trek playing in the background, is so much easier than going OUT to a place and TALKING with my voice, to people whose comments require an immediate response. I'm funnier online, when I have time to think about it first. And that's the honest truth.
Waste of time. Hours lost. Hours.
Frivolous. If I could guarantee that people would only post something interesting I wouldn't mind reading everyone's posts. I'm sorry. I don't CARE where you're eating supper, unless you're inviting me to join you.
Big Brother. Too many details. Too many pictures. The Man can get whatever he needs to bring you down, baby.
People I don't Know that well. Did you have to friend me? Now I'm in a moral delima. We were in a wedding together and we'll probably never talk again. But if I ignore you now, you might be offended.
People I know well. But, what are we going to talk about now that you already told me that on facebook?
Yes, No or Maybe. I don't know if people used to be allowed to RSVP with maybe. But now that they can, it really puts a dent in planning things when everyone's holding off on their real answer to make sure there's nothing better happening that night.
Time suck. Oh, did I mention that? Why can't I keep away? Why can't I just be OK with not reading everyone's updates. Because, WHAT IF I MISS SOMETHING IMPORTANT. And that takes me back to the real life thing. Someone ASSUMES I know they're pregnant because they announced it on facebook, but I didn't happen to read all of those posts that day. Now I missed it and she's six months along and I'm still too afraid to ask for sure.
Misunderstandings. I guess some people just don't "get" me. Or, maybe having a platform to sound off any rash opinion i happen to have isn't the best thing for me. I don't know. But I don't like offending people, either way.
"Pass it on"s. OH THEYRE SO STUPID. QUIT. It's not helping anyone to post a little blurb about how great your second cousin is or why we should care more about soldiers. Maybe, we should just go and volunteer in the community.
Scams, especially the video sorts. I didn't really want to even see the title of that in my news feed. And really, if you haven't figured out by now that your seventy-year-old next door neighbor isn't the sort who would post a nasty video of Miley that isn't actually a video, then you shouldn't be on facebook anyway. Get your minds out of the gutter.
Reasons I can't talk myself into quitting facebook:
Friends. I don't want to miss what's happening. And secretly, I'm afraid they won't tell me if they put it on facebook because they expect me to just read it.
Long-distance friends. The people I never get to see but occasionally wonder how they're doing, what they're up to.
Family. It's pretty much the only way I stay in contact with my cousins.
Easy contact. I don't have to keep addresses on file. I can just facebook them!
Coupon blogs. They go in my news feed so I don't have to remember to check them every day. I've probably saved myself $10 by now.
Games. Not gonna lie. Sometimes I need a boggle fix, and I need it NOW.
The Happenings. I'm actually guilty of forgetting to invite a non-facebook friend to an event, because I invited everyone else via facebook., I don't want to be that person.
My window to the outside world. There are people who, let's face it, aren't ever going to actually talk to me in real life. but, they happen to be my facebook friend so I can see what's going on in those circles without ever having to be social. And, that's really the ultimate reason. I don't want to have to expend effort to talk to people. Sitting here on my butt, in the comfort of my own home, with Star Trek playing in the background, is so much easier than going OUT to a place and TALKING with my voice, to people whose comments require an immediate response. I'm funnier online, when I have time to think about it first. And that's the honest truth.
It's Not OK to Have Opinions Anymore
This is a personal rant, from my heart. Because I'm tired of "Discussing" things with defensive people who have chips on their shoulders that turn into "issues" that aren't even really issues. I don't have a specific person in mind here. Just the whole world. Except, of course, whoever agrees with me. ;)
Don't blow your personal pain out of proportion, thinking the whole world must fit into your box. We're all coming from different places in life.
Don't think, because you're more angry/passionate/vocal that I'm wrong.
Don't turn your inadequacies into problems with society. Maybe you just have a weakness. It's OK. we all do.
Don't discount me just because you don't like how I said something. Maybe my weakness is not saying things right.
Don't discredit my opinion. I didn't discredit yours automatically by disagreeing. didn't we already learn the difference between fact and opinion?
Don't call me close-minded. Some day we'll see who's right and wrong and I'm sure we'll both lie in both categories.
Don't think I don't care about you.
Don't attack my personal beliefs.
It's an opinion. If you didn't watn to discuss it, you shouldn't have brought it up.
Don't blow your personal pain out of proportion, thinking the whole world must fit into your box. We're all coming from different places in life.
Don't think, because you're more angry/passionate/vocal that I'm wrong.
Don't turn your inadequacies into problems with society. Maybe you just have a weakness. It's OK. we all do.
Don't discount me just because you don't like how I said something. Maybe my weakness is not saying things right.
Don't discredit my opinion. I didn't discredit yours automatically by disagreeing. didn't we already learn the difference between fact and opinion?
Don't call me close-minded. Some day we'll see who's right and wrong and I'm sure we'll both lie in both categories.
Don't think I don't care about you.
Don't attack my personal beliefs.
It's an opinion. If you didn't watn to discuss it, you shouldn't have brought it up.
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