Sad fruitful, Broken, True

Yesterday was a long goodbye for me. It was strange, too, because it wasn't like most goodbyes, where you know you'll see each other again, or you at least get to hear some parting words. And it wasn't like a death, either, where you're left wishing for something more, for one last moment together.
I guess that's my fault. Since I was saying goodbye to a building. I know, it sounds ridiculous. We're getting a new church building. THe pastor's been saying all along, "it isn't that we're getting a new church. The church is the people. We're just moving to a new building." And it's an amazingly huge, brand new facility that was paid for by our congregation, and it will serve so many people and I'm excited for what will happen.
But. Goodbye is still goodbye.
Because, when I was fifteen years old, I found this sort of home at our church. We'd visited so many other places, and it was the first one I went to where I felt like I could belong. I was impressed by so many things. Mostly, the welcoming faces and the warmth. I was a visitor, but they never assumed I would stop coming. They just kept inviting me along for whatever they were doing.
I grew there, spiritually and physically, and romantically.
I fell in love there. I mean, literally. My first glimpse of Daniel in person was there. After we'd emailed for six months, he showed up, fresh off the plane from Russia. This smiling face with a bounce in his step, and I think it was maybe love at first sight. There in the church's front lawn, under the oak tree that still stands there.
We said "I love you" to each other outside of the youth room.
We danced and sang in the church musicals together.
He proposed to me the night he was baptized, there in the church gym.
And of course we were married there.
But it wasn't just him. It's a hundred other friends and family members, people who have watched me grow and who love me and care about me. And they'll all be there when we go to the new building.
But those old tile floors and the lockers on the wall have seen so much of me. And I'll miss the comfort of a place like that, where I know all of the nooks and crannies. Where I taught kids classes and sang in choir. Is it stupid to miss a church building? It might be. Because really, it's just a shell of a place. a kind of backdrop for what really matters. And the same things will keep happening as we move on. The same people will smile and open doors and greet and take offering and teach my kids. But I'll miss that place all the same. Not because I love it, but I love the memories and the people who are part of it.
And I think everyone has a place or two like that, filled with memories that only you really appreciate. Maybe high school or a best friend's house or your grandparent's house. Or your own house. I think about places like that, and wonder why people say home is a feeling. Because it is, but it's also a place. Or two or three.

I have this song on CD by Sara Groves. I always wish I could write like her when I hear her music. And this song, The House, sort of says what I'm thinking today about that church building. Like the hull of a seed, that old church cracked wide open...

The House

it took me by surprise
this old house and these old feelings
walked round and looked inside
familiar walls and halls and ceilings

where I'd dream and plan
every moment of sunshine
this was my whole world
it was all I knew
like the hull of a seed
this old house cracked wide open
as I grew

hadn't given it much thought
hadn't been back here for a while
everything looks so small
seen through the memories of a child

who would dream and stare
from that second story window
that was my whole world
it was all I knew
like the hull the of a seed
this old house cracked wide open
and I flew

sad fruitful broken true
sad fruitful broken true

memories for miles and miles
summers falls winters and springs
Ruby you take it in
see he's withheld no good thing

We’ve all got something to say

About the memories from which we were made

The pieces of time and space

Spread out before us in eternity

And I used to count stars

Back when I still believed you could count them all

Those parts of me, the people the places, the dreams and the failures

Remembered only in my heart for what they were

These things, seen by the masses as every day

Can become, in an individual soul, the essence of who they are.

And that’s why I can’t stop looking at these parts

The simple and the strong, the short and the long

Mundane and colorful, the memories

The stars, counted once, counted twice, and thousands more.

Seen by all

From their own corner of the world.

Wedding Bells

There were no wedding bells last weekend. At least not where I was. But there was a wedding.
We drove down to Nashville for my sister's hitchin'. Overall, it was a pretty good time. Even though it was a little busy. For those of you interested in these kinds of things, I'll just give the synopsis.
I was a bridesmaid. My girls were flower girls. They were adorable, even though their little curls didn't really stay in with the humidity.
The wedding was at the church the groom had grown up in, and his dad had been a pastor there. So there was this tightly knit community all around us. It was nice to see, and I think that an outsider would probably think my family/church looked similar. I felt strangely outside of it all. There weren'ta lot of "brides guests" at the wedding. My sister's best friend family came. There are three daughters and the parents and they're like her second family. Then of course, my brothers and my parents were there and hubby. My mother-in-law came as well, since she's one of my mom's best friends. And my cousin.
That was it as far as people I knew. There were a lot of kids from college who came too. I love my sister's friends. Hanging out with the bridesmaids was really fun. For the bachelorette party we went to this place called Cadalak Ranch. We had some drinks and danced. We meaning not me. well I danced. I didn't drink because I didn't feel like shelling out seven and a half bucks per glass. But whatever. I was pretty much over it after an hour, but we stayed longer.
It was fun to see the night life down there, though. I wished we'd had more time to stop into some other joints and check them out. There was some cool stuff down there.
After the wedding we drove downtown again with my parents and my cousin and brothers. Then we went to this park with a Parthanon in it. There was a wedding there so we got to see inside and it was pretty cool. There was also a tent with swing dancing and live music at the park which I enjoyed.
The wedding was cute. Kind of simple. And that's about all there is to say about that. The 10-hour drive home was... um, exhausting. I think we're done traveling for a while.
I haven't had a summer this crazy since the first year after we graduated college. We had a wedding we were in every other weekend, and then we had to squeeze in a trip to California for Daniel's grandma's funeral, and right after I got homef rom that I rode up to Montana to see my grandparents and took the train home in time for the next wedding.
This has actually been less exhausting than that. Except I have kids now, so maybe it was.
Whatever. I'm unwinding now by playing a stupid bricks breaking game and watching Star Trek Deep Space 9. **Geek Disclaimer** So far I don't like the show much. I didn't like it much when I was a kid either. If it doesn't get more interesting soon I'll probably skip ahead to Voyager. Which I really did like when it was on the air. Yeah, you all wanted to know that, didn't you?
I'm going to go back to my very important show now. Have a great weekend!

Where Did Summer Go?

I've heard about a billion people say that this week, as all of the area schools are starting back up again. I sort of miss it. I have ever since that last year.
The new markers and pencils, the fresh uncracked notebooks and the smell of freshly waxed floors at the school. The excitement and anxiety of meeting the class and new teachers.
Hearing them try to pronounce my name correctly.
Next year will be Arlene's kindergarten year. I don't know what we're doing yet as far as what school or home school. This year a few of us are having a preschool co-op where all of the kids go to one mom's house and we rotate through who teaches what. It might be fun. I decided not to send her to preschool for several reasons. 1) I taught preschool for four years myself 2) She knows pretty much everything she'd learn and I don't want her to be bored. 3) She's just a kid. I don't want to rush into school. 4) It's expensive. 5) She gets a LOT of social interaction, and classroom experience, so that isn't a concern at all.
As I consider homeschooling and its benefits, more than that I think about the cons. Like the fact that we won't have those mystical first days of school, and that I'll have kids with me all day every day. But, there are plenty of other things that I like about it. Primarily the freedom to do as we wish, rearrange the day based on what needs to be done. take school on vacation and do it there. Anyway, hopefully that doesn't start a public debate because I don't really care to have one. I can see benefits of both ways. I went to public school my whole life, which is partly why I'm partial to other options.
All that to say, with the school year gearing up, I do feel sort of gypped. We were busy running around, working on projects and whatever. We didn't really get to enjoy long summer nights with camp fires and stars and swimming pools and bugs. It's been so bloody hot this summer too. So when we were home, we just didn't get to enjoy the outside like we normally would have. And the grass was long so I had to mow a lot, which is like my least favorite thing to do. But, I guess, the vacations and trips and being busy is partly what summer is too. So I'm glad that we got to meet up with friends and enjoy the freedom of no activities. And, I'm planning to eek out whatever parts of summer i can while it's still warm. And the warm always stays longer than I want.