The Sisterhood of Mommy Pants.

The other night I was in a group of women who all didn't know each other that well, and inevitably,, the conversation turned to "that" subject.
The one that used to alienate me.
The one I really loathed talking about.
Babies. Pregnancy. Delivery. And all of the things that go along with that.
My pregnancies actually kind of sucked. Each one has been worse in its own way.
But there I was, at a table. Telling them about my C-sections. Why? Because it's one of those safe subjects now. The thing that we all know we have in common. The thing that we care about it in our own lives. The Sisterhood of Mommy Pants.

How things have changed since I was 19, newly married and utterly alone in a sea of pleasure-seeking, independent college students with expendable (parents') income and copious free time. I was terrible at small talk. I could never think of something to say. And even when I wanted to, I couldn't relate. Worse yet, no one could relate with me. I was working my 40-hour a week job, putting D through school. Getting up at 7 AM (which might as well be 5 am to a college student) to drive 40 miles to that place I hated, making just more than minimum wage and very carefully budgeting every penny we earned.
Those were things that were conversation killers. They'd talk about cute guys and dating relationships and their hopes for future careers. We were on different wavelengths.
As a young twenty, it wasn't much better. But slowly, as I've gotten older, I've gotten better at this art of "small talk". Which I still hate. which I still feel is awkward.
Which is so necessary to connect in any way.
It isn't like kindergarten, when you didn't even have to say your name to be able to go and play on the playground for all of recess. Now we have to start at some level. And the level is always this shallow, distant place, where we wander and wade through these meaningless subjects, hoping to find something we can relate with. Looking for those few in the vast majority, the :"ones" who can be your bosom friend, who really "get" you. Who you can actually be real with.
We have to find a place of common ground to even begin a conversation.
So often for me right now, that place is kids--from conception to elementary school. What we ate while pregnant, what we wish we'd known, how we survived. How we wear bigger jeans now. Sisterhood of the Mommy Pants.
So often now I'm bored talking about kids and pregnancy and deliveries and all of the details around it. But that's where friendships start.At a place that we all have in common--whether it's the neighborhood, the church, the park, our husband's jobs, our same model car, or our same-aged kids.
I'd rather talk about philosophy and music and politics and what makes people tick. Or history or writing or literature or even the weather.
But here's where we are. With a 3 and 5-year-old, submerged in this world of sippy cups and bedtime songs and baths. And sometimes we just have to share it with each other. Please don't misunderstand me. This is what I do. And I love my friends and I like meeting new people. There's just this part of me that gets so trapped and tired, and I think it will always be there, wanting something different than these everyday things.
I want to move past babies and birth and bed time and first words and evening activities and minivans and get into things that matter, that make me think.
I should resolve to be less of a push-over in conversation and try to direct the topics more carefully. But I don't, because I feel I'm missing out on some of the communication skills most people have, and I don't want to feel misunderstood, and I don't want to be that awkward girl who always makes people uncomfortable.
But, secretly, I want to make you uncomfortable.
More so, I want to make you comfortable. I want to be real so that you're OK being real too. I want to be the kind of person that listens, who doesn't jump to conclusions, who cares, and who brings wisdom to the table.
But most often, I just talk about babies with you and hope that some day we can discuss other things. And that's OK too. One can't be too choosy when it comes to having friends. And friends who share every day life are just as important as friends who share matters of the heart. Different roles, but at the end of the day, we're all walking together and helping each other along. So I shouldn't complain or let myself feel that emptiness like I do.
Because I'm thankful that I'm not stuck in limbo land like I was in those college years. I'm thankful that I have all of these people who are on the same road at the same time. It's invaluable.
So....Tell me about your pregnancy and delivery. ;)