There's been something on the calander pretty much every day this month.
I've been making time for what I like--friends and being outside with the kids, and keeping the house somewhat tidy. But it's been busy. Which is why I haven't had time to sit and write a reflective post about... anything. I've had a lot of moments within the busyness to pause and think and say to myself, "You should blog about that". But it hasn't been a priority lately because I've been busy.
I'm loving my kids' ages right now. They're so fun to do things with. The world is still new and exciting and relatively safe for them and we can go places without having to worry about diapers and sippy cups and whatever else. They're so... delightful. And it's more than I ever could have expected or wanted from life.
I've been spending most of my free time (too much of my free time) writing. I'm working on the third in a series of spin-offs and am enjoying it a lot. This story has been probably the hardest one I've ever written though. The plot hasn't come together, and even though I'm at 160-something for pages, it feels like I still haven't gotten where i want to be. If you really want to know, you can ask me and I'll ask your advice on what sub plots to cancel and what ones to expound. It's getting closer. I know where I'm headed now.
The weather has been freaky nice. Another reason for being busy. We like to play outside. All of the flowers bloomed about a month early, and we're already thinking about gardening. Although momma didn't raise no dummy. I'm not putting those plants out there until the last frost in May. Because in Iowa, it will happen. Maybe not in May but sooner or later.
THere's nothing much to say. Soon I will write more. I really will. Right now, I have other things to do. Whew.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Facebook Sucks
If your'e friends with me on facebook you might have noticed my update that said I wouldn't be checking anymore. It was a little harsh. I didn't check it for a few days. Now I've been checking only briefly. I've decided to stop fueling my boredom with life and relationships, and over filling my brain with random details about people who don't even care about me. I've decided that I need to use my computer less and instead, spend more time on the floor playing Candy Land and Memory and running outside through the mud, and picking up and doing laundry and reading. So, I will do what the wise people have been doing all along. I will stop obsessing. Stop filling every boring minute with something that bores the rest of the world. Here is my plan I wrote for myself.
How to phase out your facebook addiction:
1)Stop posting updates. You'll soon realize how much it absorbs your thoughts, and how narcissistic it is to wait for everyone's responses to your boring comments about laundry, work, the weather, and whatever other boring thing is on your mind.
2) Stop reading everyone's articles and watching their videos. A good way to do this is to check it when you don't have very much time because then you scan over the boring things and quickly realize that it was almost all boring.
3) read it when you're in a bad mood and don't give a crap about anyone's life because then you see how worthless almost everything people write on it is.
4) write letters or send cards to people you like.
5) Do not keep it running in your browser while you're doing other things. The temptation is to keep going back to see what's changed. Nothing's changed. Joe still works at 7-11. Your classmate with four kids still has a mound of laundry to do. Your aunt has planted flowers. Are you bored yet reading this?See my point? All that time you go back checking is actually a lot of time.
6) After a week or month hiatus, return yourself slowly. Think hadr before posting an update. Will it edify others? Is it really important for people to get to know you better? Is anyone going to care that you wrote it?
7) Also when you return from your hiatus, filter out things tyou don't want to read, so that you don't waste time reading about "Great Deals on Amazon" every time you try to look at your feed.
8) Do not repeat your unhealthy patterns. Find something better to replace your wandering time, like a book. Or playing a game with your kid. it is hard to do something more engaging, but I'm sure you'll find it more worth it in the end. You might discover that facebook was more of a time suck than you thought.
You might discover that your life feels a little less depressed.
You might find your days being a little more full and you might look back and wonder how you did spend that much time.
Or you might miss it and go back to what you consider to be your only social outlet. That's OK too.
So that's where I'm at with that. It will probably change, in all honesty. Things get a little boring around here. And there are people on face book that I simply CAN'T lose contact with and it's my only way of contacting them. So I won't disappear. At least not yet.
How to phase out your facebook addiction:
1)Stop posting updates. You'll soon realize how much it absorbs your thoughts, and how narcissistic it is to wait for everyone's responses to your boring comments about laundry, work, the weather, and whatever other boring thing is on your mind.
2) Stop reading everyone's articles and watching their videos. A good way to do this is to check it when you don't have very much time because then you scan over the boring things and quickly realize that it was almost all boring.
3) read it when you're in a bad mood and don't give a crap about anyone's life because then you see how worthless almost everything people write on it is.
4) write letters or send cards to people you like.
5) Do not keep it running in your browser while you're doing other things. The temptation is to keep going back to see what's changed. Nothing's changed. Joe still works at 7-11. Your classmate with four kids still has a mound of laundry to do. Your aunt has planted flowers. Are you bored yet reading this?See my point? All that time you go back checking is actually a lot of time.
6) After a week or month hiatus, return yourself slowly. Think hadr before posting an update. Will it edify others? Is it really important for people to get to know you better? Is anyone going to care that you wrote it?
7) Also when you return from your hiatus, filter out things tyou don't want to read, so that you don't waste time reading about "Great Deals on Amazon" every time you try to look at your feed.
8) Do not repeat your unhealthy patterns. Find something better to replace your wandering time, like a book. Or playing a game with your kid. it is hard to do something more engaging, but I'm sure you'll find it more worth it in the end. You might discover that facebook was more of a time suck than you thought.
You might discover that your life feels a little less depressed.
You might find your days being a little more full and you might look back and wonder how you did spend that much time.
Or you might miss it and go back to what you consider to be your only social outlet. That's OK too.
So that's where I'm at with that. It will probably change, in all honesty. Things get a little boring around here. And there are people on face book that I simply CAN'T lose contact with and it's my only way of contacting them. So I won't disappear. At least not yet.
Thursday, March 01, 2012
The Sisterhood of Mommy Pants.
The other night I was in a group of women who all didn't know each other that well, and inevitably,, the conversation turned to "that" subject.
The one that used to alienate me.
The one I really loathed talking about.
Babies. Pregnancy. Delivery. And all of the things that go along with that.
My pregnancies actually kind of sucked. Each one has been worse in its own way.
But there I was, at a table. Telling them about my C-sections. Why? Because it's one of those safe subjects now. The thing that we all know we have in common. The thing that we care about it in our own lives. The Sisterhood of Mommy Pants.
How things have changed since I was 19, newly married and utterly alone in a sea of pleasure-seeking, independent college students with expendable (parents') income and copious free time. I was terrible at small talk. I could never think of something to say. And even when I wanted to, I couldn't relate. Worse yet, no one could relate with me. I was working my 40-hour a week job, putting D through school. Getting up at 7 AM (which might as well be 5 am to a college student) to drive 40 miles to that place I hated, making just more than minimum wage and very carefully budgeting every penny we earned.
Those were things that were conversation killers. They'd talk about cute guys and dating relationships and their hopes for future careers. We were on different wavelengths.
As a young twenty, it wasn't much better. But slowly, as I've gotten older, I've gotten better at this art of "small talk". Which I still hate. which I still feel is awkward.
Which is so necessary to connect in any way.
It isn't like kindergarten, when you didn't even have to say your name to be able to go and play on the playground for all of recess. Now we have to start at some level. And the level is always this shallow, distant place, where we wander and wade through these meaningless subjects, hoping to find something we can relate with. Looking for those few in the vast majority, the :"ones" who can be your bosom friend, who really "get" you. Who you can actually be real with.
We have to find a place of common ground to even begin a conversation.
So often for me right now, that place is kids--from conception to elementary school. What we ate while pregnant, what we wish we'd known, how we survived. How we wear bigger jeans now. Sisterhood of the Mommy Pants.
So often now I'm bored talking about kids and pregnancy and deliveries and all of the details around it. But that's where friendships start.At a place that we all have in common--whether it's the neighborhood, the church, the park, our husband's jobs, our same model car, or our same-aged kids.
I'd rather talk about philosophy and music and politics and what makes people tick. Or history or writing or literature or even the weather.
But here's where we are. With a 3 and 5-year-old, submerged in this world of sippy cups and bedtime songs and baths. And sometimes we just have to share it with each other. Please don't misunderstand me. This is what I do. And I love my friends and I like meeting new people. There's just this part of me that gets so trapped and tired, and I think it will always be there, wanting something different than these everyday things.
I want to move past babies and birth and bed time and first words and evening activities and minivans and get into things that matter, that make me think.
I should resolve to be less of a push-over in conversation and try to direct the topics more carefully. But I don't, because I feel I'm missing out on some of the communication skills most people have, and I don't want to feel misunderstood, and I don't want to be that awkward girl who always makes people uncomfortable.
But, secretly, I want to make you uncomfortable.
More so, I want to make you comfortable. I want to be real so that you're OK being real too. I want to be the kind of person that listens, who doesn't jump to conclusions, who cares, and who brings wisdom to the table.
But most often, I just talk about babies with you and hope that some day we can discuss other things. And that's OK too. One can't be too choosy when it comes to having friends. And friends who share every day life are just as important as friends who share matters of the heart. Different roles, but at the end of the day, we're all walking together and helping each other along. So I shouldn't complain or let myself feel that emptiness like I do.
Because I'm thankful that I'm not stuck in limbo land like I was in those college years. I'm thankful that I have all of these people who are on the same road at the same time. It's invaluable.
So....Tell me about your pregnancy and delivery. ;)
The one that used to alienate me.
The one I really loathed talking about.
Babies. Pregnancy. Delivery. And all of the things that go along with that.
My pregnancies actually kind of sucked. Each one has been worse in its own way.
But there I was, at a table. Telling them about my C-sections. Why? Because it's one of those safe subjects now. The thing that we all know we have in common. The thing that we care about it in our own lives. The Sisterhood of Mommy Pants.
How things have changed since I was 19, newly married and utterly alone in a sea of pleasure-seeking, independent college students with expendable (parents') income and copious free time. I was terrible at small talk. I could never think of something to say. And even when I wanted to, I couldn't relate. Worse yet, no one could relate with me. I was working my 40-hour a week job, putting D through school. Getting up at 7 AM (which might as well be 5 am to a college student) to drive 40 miles to that place I hated, making just more than minimum wage and very carefully budgeting every penny we earned.
Those were things that were conversation killers. They'd talk about cute guys and dating relationships and their hopes for future careers. We were on different wavelengths.
As a young twenty, it wasn't much better. But slowly, as I've gotten older, I've gotten better at this art of "small talk". Which I still hate. which I still feel is awkward.
Which is so necessary to connect in any way.
It isn't like kindergarten, when you didn't even have to say your name to be able to go and play on the playground for all of recess. Now we have to start at some level. And the level is always this shallow, distant place, where we wander and wade through these meaningless subjects, hoping to find something we can relate with. Looking for those few in the vast majority, the :"ones" who can be your bosom friend, who really "get" you. Who you can actually be real with.
We have to find a place of common ground to even begin a conversation.
So often for me right now, that place is kids--from conception to elementary school. What we ate while pregnant, what we wish we'd known, how we survived. How we wear bigger jeans now. Sisterhood of the Mommy Pants.
So often now I'm bored talking about kids and pregnancy and deliveries and all of the details around it. But that's where friendships start.At a place that we all have in common--whether it's the neighborhood, the church, the park, our husband's jobs, our same model car, or our same-aged kids.
I'd rather talk about philosophy and music and politics and what makes people tick. Or history or writing or literature or even the weather.
But here's where we are. With a 3 and 5-year-old, submerged in this world of sippy cups and bedtime songs and baths. And sometimes we just have to share it with each other. Please don't misunderstand me. This is what I do. And I love my friends and I like meeting new people. There's just this part of me that gets so trapped and tired, and I think it will always be there, wanting something different than these everyday things.
I want to move past babies and birth and bed time and first words and evening activities and minivans and get into things that matter, that make me think.
I should resolve to be less of a push-over in conversation and try to direct the topics more carefully. But I don't, because I feel I'm missing out on some of the communication skills most people have, and I don't want to feel misunderstood, and I don't want to be that awkward girl who always makes people uncomfortable.
But, secretly, I want to make you uncomfortable.
More so, I want to make you comfortable. I want to be real so that you're OK being real too. I want to be the kind of person that listens, who doesn't jump to conclusions, who cares, and who brings wisdom to the table.
But most often, I just talk about babies with you and hope that some day we can discuss other things. And that's OK too. One can't be too choosy when it comes to having friends. And friends who share every day life are just as important as friends who share matters of the heart. Different roles, but at the end of the day, we're all walking together and helping each other along. So I shouldn't complain or let myself feel that emptiness like I do.
Because I'm thankful that I'm not stuck in limbo land like I was in those college years. I'm thankful that I have all of these people who are on the same road at the same time. It's invaluable.
So....Tell me about your pregnancy and delivery. ;)
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