Haunted

Lately I haven't been able to stop thinking about my best friend from high school. We aren't friends anymore, and I'm actually too dense to really know why, although I have an idea.
But it's sort of overwhelming once in a while, when those memories come up. Because they're more just like feelings. It's one of those subjects that hurts too much to really write well about, but i want to anyway, and I can't stop thinking about her. I've been praying because sometimes those un-erasable thoughts are actually something else, something spiritual that needs to be addressed. I don't know if that's true in this case but I've prayed anyway. Sometimes when a relationship ends yuo know it's over. Sometimes you know it's not. Sometimes you're just left to wonder.

I never thought I’d lose you

I never knew I could

All of those walks through the halls

And afternoon locker meetings

The notes and the secrets,

The songs and the feelings

Torn apart now like a shredded photograph

Me reaching, you hiding

Anger and pain slipping in between

All our insecurities, what we once called trust.

In my dreams I see you often

And we aren’t enemies.

You know how sorry I am

You know the real me.

And we walk off together like old friends should

Entwined by memories

Love stronger than friendship, unbroken by time

Lost in those fragile moments.

If I’d known then what I know now

I wouldn’t have said I hated pink.

I would have given you a chance to speak

And listened without judgment

Why is it so hard to forget about those days

When we were still friends

I’d like to think that you’re the one who changed

But I think you know we both did

I just can’t stop rewriting the end.

If I could do it over

I would a hundred times

But you’d tell me how you felt

And I’d know what to say

And somewhere in the middle we’d find a way

Or some common ground.

Instead of all the hiding and facades

and maybe we wouldn't both be so empty today.