Warning: this post contains nothing but complaining. Depression may ensue if you read on.
Ugh. I haven't recovered from "The Holidays" yet.
I think it's getting worse. Maybe it's seasonal affective disorder, or just lack of sunshine in general. Maybe it's some other chemical imbalance.
I'm tired all the time. The 2 year old wakes up at least once a night now, even though she could sleep through the night, she's reprogrammed herself some how. Ugh.
I wander around like a zombie. The last few days I feel like have been a haze. I'm doing the stuff I have scheduled, but I just don't really feel much. Except being annoyed and irritable. Which is great.
And I've been feeling like a complete failure in so many ways. Even if I tell myself it isn't true or it doesn't matter, I still feel like I suck at everything. And, I sort of do.
I guess it's just a "desert time". I have things to learn about myself and new mercies to experience and good things are still happening, but I'm weary. And that's just how it feels today. Maybe tonight I'll sleep well and it will all be OK tomorrow.
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2 comments:
Oh, I've totally understand want you are going through! I think IA has a lot to do with your mood because you described exactly how I felt while living in IA, especially during the winter. It's like the atmosphere of the CR or something. Last Saturday I visited CR for the afternoon/evening and after only being in town for a few hours had a horrible wave of depression hit out of nowhere and I have had practically no depression since moving. Hang in there.
Yeah, not a fan of winter either. Just starting to figure out not everyone feels the way I do. I was told IA has 50% of the days of the year are without sunshine....that really impacts how I feel too.
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