Yesterday someone asked me, in a conversation about my recovery from grief, how God had been part of it. I didn't know what to say because I suck at talking and answering deep questions on the spot, but when I thought about it later, I wished I'd said so many things.
One of them being how joy and sorrow are so closely linked, and how it's actually hard to find joy without sorrow or trial. At least for me. I know of a lot of people with deeply rooted joy that just flows out o knowing God and understanding His love.
But I've never been that way. Partly because of my intellect blocking out so many feelings, and partly because I'm not a feely person. Not that joy is a feeling, it's more of an understanding. Anyway, there are numerous reasons for my lack of joy, which has always felt like a problem to me. I wanted it, but no matter how I searched or what answer I thought I knew, there was some piece of it missing. Not that I knew what it was. I mean, I have everything I need for life and godliness through my knowledge of him who called me according to his own glory and goodness. So there should have been joy.
But, there were parts of God I didn't fully know or understand before experiencing tragedy. And I think that so much of Christian joy--the confident assurance of God's provision and care despite any circumstance--is discovered in those kinds of things. Like it says in James 1:2 "Count it all joy my brothers, when you are faced with trials and temptations, for the testing of your faith develops perseverence". Now there is a deeper knowledge of His goodness, His kindness, and His faithfulness, that can't be found in day-t0-day things.
I hope that makese sense. I'm not saying others don't know joy. I'm really just talking about myself, and the healing of my heart.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Wow. I think those are some pretty good thoughts. (Not that they aren't usually.) Nearly every day I think about last year and my lack of joy and it helps me to see God's grace in each day. In many ways I have a new understanding of what it means to be saved. Joy comes in part from that realization of what God has saved me from.
Thanks for sharing. I appreciate your vulnerability. And of course, I miss you! Last Sunday I heard a sermon about the relationship between Jonathon and David and in some classes we were talking about what makes a good friendship. And I thought about you.
Post a Comment