Grieving in Fellowship

A couple in our church lost their baby last night. He was five months old.
It hurts so much to know a small amount of how much they hurt. Because I have no idea how heavy that burden is, but I know it's so big. My Bible study group prayed for an hour for them, and it felt like all we could do. It's hard to really know what to do or say when something so terrible happens. You don't feel like your life should be going on like normal when you know someone else's world is falling apart. And yet it has to, like a cruel irony... or a beautiful truth that "to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven".

Having grieved, and having had friends grieve with me, I think I'll list my ideas of how people can help those who are suffering. I don't know how relevant this is to some of you who read this, but probably at some point, you'll have someone who needs the comfort of friendship and family. So here are my thoughts from my own experience.

1) Send a card. It seems trite and useless, but they meant SO MUCH to me to know that people noticed and cared. Sometimes they came from completley unexpected people, and it meant a lot to read their words and the words written on the card. Don't just pick up a random "comfort" car or something. Find one witih a meaningful message. I'm planning to send a card in a couple of weeks, because that was when our stopped coming in and I wished every day that I'd get one in the mail.
2) Make a dinner.
3) Send flowers. I never understood why people gave flowers for funerals, but now I think I do. It meant a lot to just say "we care about you", but they also brightened up the house, which felt so cold and empty.
4) Pray. It's the best thing to do. SOmetimes you don't know what to say but it's OK to pray the same thing as long as you keep meaning it. The same struggles pop up over and over as you grieve, and to know people are lifting you up means a lot. Now, a little side note. I often question peoples' sincerity when they say "I'll pray for you", probably because I know how often I say that with the best intentions and then don't do it. So, if you're going to tell them you're praying for them, try to make it meaningful. If you're committed to praying every day, say so. If you've been paying specific things, tell them. Then they can cling to that when they see your prayers being answered.
5) Find a meaningful gift. It's kind of hard to know what to give, but we got a couple ofthings I really treasure. One is a willow tree angel of rememberence, and another was a basket of flowers that are perennials you can plant into a flower bed. I found a neat website that sells rememberence jewlery for people who have lost children, and there are other ideas like that.
6) Share a verse that meant something to you through a hard time, or one you've discovered and pray for them. OUr words don't always mean a lot, but God's words do not return void.
7) KEEP YOUR DANG MOUTH SHUT. Unless you have an inspired word of God, it's usually best to just not say anything because it usually comes out wrong or can be interpreted wrong. You don't want people to have to convince themselves of your good intention. A hug or an "I'm sorry" go a long way. However nice you think you're being, there's usually room for it to be misinterpreted. I won't list off things that people said to us that weren't helpful, but just think really hard if you're going to say something "comforting".

That's all I have for now. I should probably go and get ready for my day now, since me and Arlene are both still in our pajamas. :o)