The Paradox of Humility

Humility is almost a paradoxal acheivement. Once you've reached that point, you can't even admit it to yourself or you risk arousing pride again. Ben Franklin put it nicely in his autobiography: "In reality, there is, perhaps, no one of our natural passions so hard to subdue as pride. disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself; you will see it, poerhaps, often, in this history; for, even if I could conceive that I had completely overome it, I would probably be proud of my humility."

We are all guilty of depricating ourselves in an effort to be, or at least appear, humble. I never used to think a lot of it, but recently I noticed that a spiritual leader who I respect a lot, who carries insight and wisdom beyond his years, is frequently downplaying his thoughts and making himself look less respectable. I don't know what his motives for that are. Maybe he really does have low self-esteem. Maybe it's just because that's what he considers an accurate perception of himself. Maybe it is. I don't know him well enough to judge that, but it got me to thinking about myself.

I've always thought that I didn't have a lot to offer the rest of the world. I find myself getting depressed over the way people think about me, and how I preform. In high school, I would share these frustrations with a good friend and he was constantly syaing to me, "Stop depricating yourself!" I didn't really even know what it meant, and I certainly didn't know why he was telling me not to say something that was, to me, true. Now that I'm older and have been in his position, I think I understand a little bit of where he was coming from. He was my friend. He liked me as I was, and it sort of made him sad when I would downplay the gifts I had, talk poorly about myself, and compair myself to others. In a way I was telling him that I wasn't worth it to him, but he knew that wasn't true. Sometimes now, when I hear people I like or respect saying stuff like, "I'm going to say this but it doesn't mean much because it's coming from me" or "This is reading for those of you who are bored enough to actually bother with me", I want to stop them and say "Who is it who decides that?" It isn't always the writer that determines how useful his writing is. When people say things like that, it discredits them and causes others to miss out on opportunities to learn and be encouraged. If they don't value their own opinion, how can anyone value it?

It's not that you have to run around with absolute certainty on every statement you make/everything you do. That tends to annoy people, especially when you aren't always right but insist that you are in your demeanor. But when I say that, I leave the reader at a standstill because either way, it seems, you fail. Either you say what you think and devalue it in an effort to not sound like a know-it-all, or you sound like a know-it-all when you aren't. But there's a happy medium. I think I'd call it confidence.

This is starting to sound a lot like something Joel Oelstien would write, which wasn't my intention. I guess the point I'm trying to boil these scattered thoughts into is that there is such a thing as true humility, but it really has little to do with the way men view you, or the way you view yourself compaired to others. When I said it isn't the writer who determines how useful their writing is, I could have said that "It isn't the beholder who determines how beautiful a thing is; it's the creator."

True humility comes in understanding where you stand with God. Not in an "I am a worm" mentality, nor in an "God saved me so what's wrong with you?" one. Understanding where we are in light of God's judgement and mercy makes it possible to be humble. When we realize that we are wretched people who need to be saved, and know that we are living under the same grace as any other, it is easier for us to reflect the attitude of Christ. Therefore it is not self-confidence that we need, but salvation-confidence. Not self-deprication, but self-understanding.

So, preacher who I respect a lot, stop putting yourself down just because you know that your opinion isn't worth the weight of the world. And I'll do my best to set an example for those who look up to me too.