Joy

he told me to fight for you
but somewhere in these darkening days
you got away.
I forgot where to find you,
in all of those little moments like washing dishes and bath time
and piles of leaves outside.
I missed you there in those quiet moments before bed
wrapped in those blankets, the little giggles and tired sighs
And in the morning, in those bright little eyes.
All those momentary glimpses
like polaroid pictures
waiting to be glanced through
and put away again.
You were there, peeking out
pulling at my seams,
wishing I would seek you and find you there
I wanted you
but not badly enough to fight
and you got buried there in the middle of the night
When the questions and doubts clouded in
amidst the weight of all my sin
Things I never could carry
but liked to pretend I could.
You fight, but I fight harder
and the bitterness eats away at the places of my heart
that I hide from everyone but Him.
And that is where I'll find you, where I'll find you there to stay
in the middle of these darkest nights
in the battles I never should have fought
there in the middle of these tangled knots.
You, pulling through, shining the smallest light
like the breaking morning
after the biggest storm.
You, struggling to be seen in blessings and brokeness
in those beautiful smiles
in tears, and pain
amidst every struggle
in sunshine and falling rain
Joy. I'll fight for you now.
I'll never forget your name.