Quitting and Failing

I'd rather quit than actually fail at something. I've heard that's an attribute of a middle child. I don't know, and I guess I didn't realize it about myself. I don't like failing. In high school, this evidenced itself in slacking. Because if I didn't try, I didn't look like I was trying to get straight A's, and then I wouldn't fail if I didn't get good grades. (They were fine; not as good as they could have been).
In the Spring, my husband talked me into excersizing my second amendmant right to bear arms, and we signed up to get our concealed carry permits. [Side note: I hope this doesn't piss anyone off. I'm not doing it to make a point or push an agenda. I'm doing it because a) I believe we should exersize what rights we have or they will more easily be taken away b) it was something to do with my hubby and he would have done it without me anyway c) If you're going to be near guns, you oughtta know how to use them d) I want to be familiar enough that if I ever am in a situation where I need to protect my kids, I won't endanger anyone unnecessarily. Hopefully that keeps anyone from jumping down my throat. Don't worry. I won't run out on the streets shooting whatever moves, and I won't try to push my opinions on anyone (and please don't try to push yours)].
Anyway, we took a four hour safety class together, and then I took a written test and passed. Then all that was left was qualifying by shooting 8 out of 10 rounds at a target 30 feet away. It's really not that hard. We've been practicing, but it turns out, I'm not super great. I have a left-hand problem, because it tries to take over, and my left eye tries to take over too, and it just doesn't work out great. We went in to practice and qualify on Saturday, and of course my husband scored perfect because he's like that and does perfect at everything he ever decides to try.
I am not perfect. I do not have a burning inner determination that gets me through whatever I want to do. I'm not that smart, and I'm not talented at much of anything, so... naturally, I did not pass my test. (I also missed out on a lot of practice time I could have had because of my grandma's funeral, not to make excuses).
Anyway, it really bothered me. My left hand took over in my nervous subconscious and I started firing with my left finger instead of my right, even though I was holding the gun with my right hand. So all of my shots went to the left, and it sucked.
I want to quit. I don't ever want to go back to the stupid range or put on the stupid earmuffs again. It's really bothering me that I suck at everything I try.
And I know that it's because I don't practice enough or learn well enough or whatever. But it's just crap for me. I don't know why it's depressing me so much. I only have one try left to get my permit, and it's this Saturday. So there are some options that might increase my chances, but really, it's a lost cause at this point. And quitting would be so much easier. Because then it wouldn't look like I failed. And I wouldn't feel that dark, overwhelming sickness that comes when I can't preform as well as I should. I hate that feeling, and I've spent a good portion of subconscious brain effort avoiding it.
Now I need to just face up to it. Because really, I think quitting is a bigger failure than just failing. That probably sounds pithy, but I don't know. I think my generation is full of quitters, and I don't want to join ranks with those who could have, should have, and would have. I'd rather fail legitimately. So I will next Saturday. And maybe, by some miracle or grace, I won't fail. I don't even care if I get the permit. I just don't want to look stupid.
For the record, I will have achieved my goals for doing the course, but... it just ain't the same without the little card to carry around.