In Your Presence

some raw thoughts. This is not an easy time for me and Daniel. It's been harder than I imagined, and in some ways even harder than the days of the stillbirth. I ache all over.
We went to the hospital to visit our friends who'd just had their baby. It's strange how joy and happiness can intertwine so easily with sorrow. How we can be happy and glad for our friends, but at the same time, still mourning. There were three babies born this week alone. And it's not the baby part that's hard. It's just that they make me realize how empty it is inside of me.
"Somewhere, between these ins and these outs, there's a fine line of purpose, I follow even now. Through the haze of despair, that confuses and hurts us, i look to see that you're there, and I run toward your light. Somewhere, beyond these reasons and feelings, somewhere beyond the passion and fatigue, I know you're there, and that your spirit is leading me, somewhere beyond all this." (Timeless Rich Mullins. "Somewhere")
I wrote some poems. It's been hard to get them out the way I like them to sound, but this is what I've come up with.

To know Him

Spring time—new life
And I’m looking for a place to hide
Somewhere dark
Where the nagging nightmares will be hard to see
Somewhere that this can all just disappear
There is no solitude, no recourse
But in the darkness a whisper
saying commune with me
know me in my death and in my suffering

Rock of ages

Rock of Ages,
Hide me here
Amidst the blossoms and newborns
in your light and truth
In your presence, finding fullness of joy
let me see further on
where the wounds have healed
and left scars to remind me
of the beauty in You and your perfect plans