"I know that You can do everything, and that no purpose of yours can be withheld from You. You asked, 'who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?' Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know."
JOb 42:2-3
Do me a favor. When something bad happens to someone, don't tell them, in the midst of their grief or the aftermath of it "God just had something better". It puts that person in an awkward position. It doesn't make the pain go away.
I've had a lot of well-meaning people (bless their hearts) say that to me in the last week or two. It really grates against me. Because I know the whole Romans 8:28 thing that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him, but at the same time, I find the "God had something better" to be incomplete theology. Because it doesn't say He works things together for the better of those who love Him. And this world is so broken that you can't guarantee better. At least not by our standards. Of course by His standards and His ultimate purpose and His sovereignty, there is always better. But right now when someone says that, I just think, "what would better be for me? Better than what? Better than my baby girl?" I mostly just nod my head when people say that. It grates against me wrong. I don't think that He let my baby die because He had something better in store (at least not for me). It doesn't comfort me. It makes me restless. It makes me want to argue with them.
I believe that He has other things, wonderful things, in store for us. And I believe that He will accomplish His good pleasure. I believe that He's good and right and just and loving. But I don't believe He intended the world to be like this, so broken and hard. I certainly don't believe
He lets bad things happen to people for the purpose of something "better". I think it hurts HIm just as much as it hurts us and probably more. But still the same, He does let bad things happen, and it's a hard thing to accept. We comfort ourselves by saying His purposes will be accomplished and all of the other Christianese jargon people say. And I know it's true if it's in the Bible. But He didn't create the world to be this way. Sin creates an absense of goodness and sin breaks and twists what God made to be good.
Still you can't help but fight through all of the questions it raises. But I've fought through them before this, when my life was at peace and I just couldn't help but wonder. And I don't have great answers but I can take comfort in believing that He does have a plan, and He does watch what's happening and is intricately involved in what goes on in my life. And he cares about the little birds that fall from the sky, and counts how many hairs are on my head. And He does have good things to accomplish and work together for and in me.
But don't say "God had something better". God has something better. God uses bad things to work together for the good of those who love Him. And I don't mind keeping my faith stocked in Someone who can promise to use whatever bad things happen for His glory, and for my good. I find Him to be my solid rock and all other ground to be shifting sand. Even if I never see "better", I know He is accomplishing even things too wonderful for me to understand. And I am privileged to get a glimpse of any of them.
[editor's note: I write this today, after struggling through two really hard days this week. I don't want people to think I'm really strong and things aren't bothering me. I'm holding together but it's because of God's grace and your prayers, not because of me. I really need your prayers right now.]
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1 comment:
Thanks for sharing and for including the disclaimer. It is frustrating when people, who haven't thought through questions of suffering, are looking for comforting words to say, and so say hurtful things. (and then once you have thought about suffering, you find that you still say hurtful things, because everyone's grief and experience is different.)
When my aunt died, people would ask "So, did you know her well?" What kind of question is that when you are mourning the time that you will no longer have to get to know the person better?
Part of grief, it seems to me, is mourning what could have been. And there isn't any need to rush the mourning process by replacing the hoped for "what could have been" with "something better." It can take years.
I don't think everyone understands that mourning changes a person and the loss itself changes a person's life. What could have been won't be, but there will be something new. New doesn't always mean "better," but like you said, as Christians, we know that God is in that something new.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for being honest. I really care about you a lot. Feel free to give me a call and we can sit in silence on the phone together. ;)
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