Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Evasive Joy and Quiet Nights and what I think when I'm alone.

In the darkness tonight, driving under the stars
I'm lost staring up at Jupiter's beam
thinking about the things we lose along the way--
the poetry and songs from the beauty we drink
and how we search with open hearts
to find those things
    like one coin of ten or a pearl lost and found
And the way we rejoice
when they find us again
in peculiar places--the hard soil of years of work
or the painful dark nights when we first called it missing
they will come back, unexpected
like that planet's steady glow
 like a fire on the hill
and we will sing about the brokenness
but find ourselves whole.

A Tale of Two Friendships

A little story about coming full circle. (Right now I feel like Doogie Houser... um... did that just date me?)
This morning I went to my friend Stasia's house to drop of some jeans she'd left here when doing laundry. It was a new experience, because Stasia's lived in DC for the last four years, and in the time we've been best friends, we've been apart more than together I think. (we met on the first day of kindergarten and when I moved away in elementary school we didn't see each other a lot until high school and college). But now she's here!
Tonight I met for supper with another friend Bethany and her husband. They're leaving for missions in July. And Bethany... well, she's just always been around. We went to church together, summer camps, overnights, retreats, everything. She stayed close to home for college so we've just gotten to see a lot of each other. Now she is going far away and I will not see her very often anymore.
Two friends, who I've known most of my life. Very different roles. One moving home, the other moving far away. It's that circle of friends, the friends who walk with you on the road for a while and walk away and you never see again, and the friends who stay no matter where they are and what in life changes.
And there are all these people in between, who have tacked themselves into my timeline, people I really love and who "get" me and who've walked with me through all kinds of things. But Bethany and Stasia, well you just can't replace 25 years of friendship, of really knowing each other. Of not having to say, "Oh, well when I was in middle school, I was really into Star Trek." or "I used to have long stringy hair and lots of zits and I was a complete dork". I don't know if that means anything in the grand scheme of life, because there are other people who have seen my heart and know me as I am now.
But these gals really do know me.
There are personality pieces, nuances that get hidden in growing up, places that we don't let show and hide behind our adult masks, that belong inside of us, that make us who we are. And when we're with the people who saw us in those raw times, the moments when we were at our ugliest and worst, and even at our best and most beautiful, we become more of who we really are.
And no matter where they go, or where I go, I will always feel at home with Bethany and Stasia, the best examples of BFF's. (Cheese ball, I know. I can't help it. I'm stretching for stuff to write these days).