Random Thoughts

I've decided that I don't like reading the blogs that are "devotional" style, where people type out a scripture and talk about what it means to them. Or what they've learned. I don't like the tone they take, mostly. And if I wanted a devotional, i'd read Guideposts. Some people make good application of scripture without taking on that annoying teacher tone. And I guess those are betr than nothing. But I don't like them, that's all.

My husband's grandpa died today. He's really upset about it, and that makes me upset. So far, no one I've known very well has passed away. So I haven't really struggled with the feelings that you have when that happens. It's hard to watch people suffer. And it's hard to see that they get heaven before we do. But I havve a hard time sympatising. I hate that i can't, though.

Uh... I hate how you go out and experience something great (likea writing conference), and then you come home and regular life seems worse than ever. Maybe it's just the contrast of great living, and normal living. But sometimes I think that bad things happen intentionally to make me grounded again. I don't know. But I wish I cou;d have stayed in Colorado a couple extra days and blocked reality from my mind for just a little longer. It's nice to be able to do that.

I don't have anything else to say.

Lifechanging Bill

In the forth grade, we had a Pioneer Girls sleepover. We watched all of the McGee and Me shows that exsisted. I stayed up "all night" with Rory and enjoyed the movies that taught us how to make good choices and how the Bible applied to life.

When I was in junior high, I read some books called "Journeys to Fayrah" (now the Imager Chronicles). It was a fantasy series about an awkward twelve-year-old girl who accidently gets taken to another dimention and a land called Fayrah, where she learns about someone named Imager who loves her and has a plan for her life, fights against the Illusionist, and then battles within the world to discover truth and understand the mysteries of Imager's ways.

In high school, after leaving a church whose ways were edging toward New Age, I read through a series of books called "Forbidden Doors" where two teenagers engage in Spiritual Warfare and learn that the powers of darkness are not as unreal and powerless as we thought. But at the same time, there is a greater Power that is able to defeat it.

All three of those media experiences changed my life, primarily by changing my perception of God or helping to expand it. They were comforting characters I related with on a deep level. All three of them, Bill Myers was responsible for. Out of the imagination of this hulking, six-foot-four man with a portruding chin and mischevious smile came McGee, Denise, Listro Q, Fayrah Wally McDoogle, and Forbidden Doors.

And I sat at his table and talked with him this weekend. It was probably the highlight of my writing life, certainly the highlight of the year for me. It was something that I'd wanted to do for a long time. I waited all weekend to elbow my way through the crowds of people who filled the lobby a half hour before dinner, hoping to stake a table with an editor or writer. I watched while others filled the spots of the table I wanted, laughed and chatted. It was me last night. I got that table. (and on top of sitting there with my favorite author, I also got to sit right next to Frank Peretti).

Some day, I want to be responsible for lifechange like that. For showing teenagers who are insecure and unsure of themselves and their faith that GOd is active, real and wonderful. And maybe, if I'm fortunate and blessed, someone will sit at my table at a writing conference and say what I got to say to Mr. Myers last night: "Your books changed my life."

Standing with Doubters

There are things in every religion that don't add up. i could start listing them, but I think I'd just depress myself. While everyone would like to think that their religion is ultimate truth and everything fits together, I'm not so sure that it does. I think that might be part of what makes it religion. It's founded on Supernatural. And because it usually involves some supreme being, there are things that we are not to understand about that being.

Enter God. Christianity. I'd like to tell everyone that my faith is perfect, that the set of values I've established are unshakable and perfect. That they all line up, and when you think hard enough they make sense. But I don't think they do. And I think I'm OK with that. It's strange. I've met a lot of people who doubt their faith, who question it frequently. and I think we all go through phases like that. IT's a scary place to be, when you start wondering if the foundation for your life is suddenly not as true as you once thought it was. You don't know who to turn to, and you don't know how to resolve it. Some people give up. some people change their thinking.

And some choose to believe despite it all. Despite doubts and trials and questions. I guess that's what makes it "faith" instead of "religion", really. Because I can reject religion easily. I don't like establishments. But faith, the relationship I have with God and the trust I put in Him and His word, is something that doesn't go away so easily.

So I stand among the doubters with my hands reached toward heaven, hoping that it's true. Believing that it's true despite my intellect and feelings. And I hope that those who doubt come to the same conclusion I have. Because in the end, it's harder to believe than not to. And I think it's better to take my chances with the claims of ultimate truth and absolutes.

My Limitless God

I just finished listening to the 2005 report from Gospel for Asia. It was amazing. Beyond amazing. More than anything I could even explain. It opened my eyes to the fantastic abilities of God. We don't see them here in the US. We've limited Him, and we've civilized Him. But He is on the move with or without our help. Especially in Asia. It's easy for me to say GFA is so awesome, but hearing the founder talk about God and His work through GFA leaves you only wanting to be a part of what God is doing.

I wish that I weren't so civilized in my Christian thinking. I want to revolt and be the barbarian Erwin Mcmanus describes in "The Barbarian Way". I want to stand with my limitless God and work in His unrefined, unexpected ways. I want to experience His power--the hope of the nations, the grace that accepts and loves and the mercy that saves. I want to be His barbarian and walk the unmarked territory.

Check out GFA on my provided link. It is well-worth your time and investment.