Here's something I've been thinking about lately. How we get left out.
It's been a lifelong struggle for me. Brian used to say "Accepted but not included", and that's usually how I feel. I had a good friend in high school, one who was even in my wedding.
On her birthday, I showed up with Daniel (we were all friends) to deliver a birthday card for her. She was having a slumber party. I wasn't invited.
I still secretly hope that she felt really bad.
But that pretty much defines how life works for me. I think I'm just not as cool as everyone else. I mean really, I'm pretty boring in real life. I don't talk a lot, and I'm not animated or really engaging. (Cue "I'm a lot cooler online" (even though I don't listen to country music, I make a few exceptions)).
And it bugs me, at the core of who I am. It probably all goes back to seventh grade when two of the snottiest girls I've ever known threw a party and invited the whole class except for me. And they made sure I knew it too. I didn't care that much because I probably wouldn't have gone. but it's the thought that counts, right? The evil, vicious intentions of insecure girls who hated me for some reason and I still don't even know why. It's made me wonder what's wrong with me. What's missing. Am I easy to ignore? I must be, because I've sent emails and messages to people inviting them to hang out and never gotten responses. And that's been happening more and more lately. I hate it.
And I know. People are busy. People really do have better things to do. People don't dislike me just because they can't spend time with me. I probably do the same thing unintentionally.
And, as I've gotten older, I've decided to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. As painful as it is. I'm just going to assume that they forgot to invite me, or they didn't get the email, or that they truly just didn't notice me. It's more OK like that. It's good to live under grace.
I have wondered lately, why everyone feels left out. And I think I've come to this profound conclusion. We don't notice when we're being included. We only notice when we're being forsaken. Because when we're included, we don't have to be self-absorbed or insecure. I think most people have a place or group where they're part of the "in" group.
and most people have countless other places where they feel like an outsider. Sometimes for no good reason. So I'm giving those places a chance. I'm still trying (not that hard because then it won't hurt as much if I'm rejected (yes, I'm a middle child)). So far, I haven't noticed any all group events I wasn't invited to. So maybe I'm not as much of a failure as I always feel like.
And that's about as vulnerable as I'm willing to be on that subject. I know everyone feels like that sometimes. I just wonder if I feel it more than everyone else. And I wonder when I'm on the "inside" if I care enough to notice the ones who aren't. I hope so. I really do. Because I'm operating under the assumption that all of the other people who have left me out think the same way I do, and don't ever mean to ignore others. If I'm wrong about that, then... then this whole post is moot.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Community
Last week in my adult Bible class at church, we broke into small groups and shared prayer requests. This isn't uncommon for us to do. This week, there were some new people in my group. We sat around and visited for a while, and then we shared the things on our hearts. We agreed to pray for the person on our left, and then we went around hte circle.
Next thing I knew, the "new guy" was praying, with tears, for the "new girl" beside him that her husband would know God and would come to church. We didn't know each other, but we were all earnestly praying for the same thing.
we passed around tissue and went on with class.
But I've thought about that moment over and over for the last week. About how beautiful it really was. What an example of how the Church is supposed to be. Because we should be praying for each other with that kind of zeal. And we should be allowed to get emotional about peoples' souls and eternity. And we shouldn't have to be afraid to let go of the tears when we're pouring our hearts out to God. And we should always have that kind of unity when we are praying together.
There have been other moments like that for me along my walk with God, but this one struck me so hard. Maybe it was because we didn't know each other except for those five minutes we talked, and still we found the common cause moving enough that we could share our fervency. Maybe it just happened to be what we were praying for. Maybe we were all short on sleep. I don't know. All I know is, God heard us, and I truly believe He answers those prayers like he promised, when two or three are gathered together, He is with them. And I want more of that in my life.
Next thing I knew, the "new guy" was praying, with tears, for the "new girl" beside him that her husband would know God and would come to church. We didn't know each other, but we were all earnestly praying for the same thing.
we passed around tissue and went on with class.
But I've thought about that moment over and over for the last week. About how beautiful it really was. What an example of how the Church is supposed to be. Because we should be praying for each other with that kind of zeal. And we should be allowed to get emotional about peoples' souls and eternity. And we shouldn't have to be afraid to let go of the tears when we're pouring our hearts out to God. And we should always have that kind of unity when we are praying together.
There have been other moments like that for me along my walk with God, but this one struck me so hard. Maybe it was because we didn't know each other except for those five minutes we talked, and still we found the common cause moving enough that we could share our fervency. Maybe it just happened to be what we were praying for. Maybe we were all short on sleep. I don't know. All I know is, God heard us, and I truly believe He answers those prayers like he promised, when two or three are gathered together, He is with them. And I want more of that in my life.
Truth Speakers
I think we see it on TV more than in real life. Some person, a close friend or an enemy or say, a cop's partner, finally lets loose and gives out their analysis of their friend's reason behind why they act the way they do, why it's wrong (or right or justified) and we watch while the person hearing these things reacts in anger or pushes it away. Because it's true, and they don't want to hear it.
There are times in my life when I long for truth-speakers to just say what they see in me. I had a few of them when i was younger. Brian, my big brother who I met in a chat room (best guy I ever knew at the time. Still in my top 10.) Nathan, another big brother, who actually became my big brother (in-law). Sarah, my slight neurotic, oversensitive friend who liked to talk about others but wasn't so into hearing things about herself. And there have been others along the way. A few who seem to know me well, who see through the shimmery masks I sometimes wear and say what they see.
Sometimes the questions and doubts get so big inside of me, that it feels like if someone doesn't fix them, I'll explode. It's not that I'm relying on people to fix my problems. But sometimes you get so wrapped up in yourself, you don't see the things in your heart that have become black marks, that are pulling you further away from the truth.
And while I'm bemoaning the fact that I don't have people like that in my life right now, I'm realizing that maybe I'm different than I was back then. There were a few people I could be honest with, and who I knew I could say what I really wanted to say to. Now there's this trap around me, and really, just a lot less time to sit around psycho-analyzing my life and thoughts. Maybe I should do it more often. Maybe we all should. Because those truth-speakers, who say things that aren't always easy to say, who leave wounds on the soul that become strong spots, who can heal by pulling away the calluses and showing you reality, who love so much that their hard-to-swallow words feel more like candy than medicine--they're out there. I know they are. I don't want to show myself to them anymore, though. But I think I should.
And, while I'm at it, I think that I should be less afraid to say what I see in others. I always come across as brash or blunt, but if I can just gauge myself, somehow figure out the grace end of grace and truth, the loving amidst battles, then maybe God would be able to use me more often.
And that's all I have to say on that one.
There are times in my life when I long for truth-speakers to just say what they see in me. I had a few of them when i was younger. Brian, my big brother who I met in a chat room (best guy I ever knew at the time. Still in my top 10.) Nathan, another big brother, who actually became my big brother (in-law). Sarah, my slight neurotic, oversensitive friend who liked to talk about others but wasn't so into hearing things about herself. And there have been others along the way. A few who seem to know me well, who see through the shimmery masks I sometimes wear and say what they see.
Sometimes the questions and doubts get so big inside of me, that it feels like if someone doesn't fix them, I'll explode. It's not that I'm relying on people to fix my problems. But sometimes you get so wrapped up in yourself, you don't see the things in your heart that have become black marks, that are pulling you further away from the truth.
And while I'm bemoaning the fact that I don't have people like that in my life right now, I'm realizing that maybe I'm different than I was back then. There were a few people I could be honest with, and who I knew I could say what I really wanted to say to. Now there's this trap around me, and really, just a lot less time to sit around psycho-analyzing my life and thoughts. Maybe I should do it more often. Maybe we all should. Because those truth-speakers, who say things that aren't always easy to say, who leave wounds on the soul that become strong spots, who can heal by pulling away the calluses and showing you reality, who love so much that their hard-to-swallow words feel more like candy than medicine--they're out there. I know they are. I don't want to show myself to them anymore, though. But I think I should.
And, while I'm at it, I think that I should be less afraid to say what I see in others. I always come across as brash or blunt, but if I can just gauge myself, somehow figure out the grace end of grace and truth, the loving amidst battles, then maybe God would be able to use me more often.
And that's all I have to say on that one.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Jeremiah
Do you think that you were made just to sound the alarm
Did you ever wonder if anyone would listen
Or did you think they all would?
Standing there in the ruins of the city
That word you could not quench
The voices you could not quiet
The fire you could not quell
You who were mocked and ignored
Still there yelling, sobbing, mourning and fighting
Bringing forth the word
Foretelling death and judgment
The one who was chosen
The one who was hated.
But it didn’t change your message.
It didn’t mean you were wrong
Just a piece of cruel irony
The prophet to a hardened people
Who thought they understood God
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Where were you?
Seems like the question people ask about 9-11. Maybe just because of that overdramatized song... maybe because people seem to remember stuff like that. I remember. I didn't have any clue it had happened, sitting alone in the apartment while Daniel was at class. A friend IM'ed me and asked something like "Did you watch the news?" or something like that, so I thought I should check. I went to some website and looked it up (no TV), and saw the burning tower. It was right after it happened. Then we watched the rest of the day while the news unfolded.
I went home and listened to "While the Nations Rage" by Rich Mullins, over and over and over.
And I know that people remember that moment like it was frozen in time, but I don't really get it. Maybe because I didn't get it then, either. The impact. I was 19. Maybe I still don't get it, though.
I like to remember, and I'm so proud of our country and how we all pulled together and stood united. I wish it happened more often, but in this day and age it just won't.
I remember seeing the flags at half-mass. and the patriotic sentiments we all shared.
I remember the news that came through over the next weeks.
I remember feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of disaster.
But I never felt unsafe. And I never wondered "why" it happened. And I'm so glad it isn't our job to save the world, because look at what a disaster we've made of it.
It's tragic. I think about it often, too. Those burning towers and the lives that were lost. All of the sadness and sorrow and pain. And I wish that I understood better. I wish it would have just ended there so we wouldn't have to listen to stories of soldiers dying and wonder who's safe.
Maybe I'm naive. But I still believe. I believe we're all in His hands and everyone will have to give an account for what they've done.
While the Nations Rage
Why do the nations rage?
Why do they plot and scheme?
Their bullets can't stop the prayers we pray
In the name of the Prince of Peace
We walk in faith and remember long ago
How they killed Him and then how on the third day He arose
Well, things may look bad
And things may look grim
But all these things must pass except the things that are of Him
Where are the nails that pierced His hands?
Well the nails have turned to rust
But behold the Man
He is risen
And He reigns
In the hearts of the children
Rising up in His name
Where are the thorns that drew His blood?
Well, the thorns have turned to dust
But not so the love
He has given
No, it remains
In the hearts of the children
Who will love while the nations rage
The Lord in Heaven laughs
He knows what is to come
While all the chiefs of state plan their big attacks
Against His anointed One
The Church of God she will not bend her knees
To the gods of this world though they promise her peace
She stands her ground
Stands firm on the Rock
Watch their walls tumble down when she lives out His love
Where are the nails...
I went home and listened to "While the Nations Rage" by Rich Mullins, over and over and over.
And I know that people remember that moment like it was frozen in time, but I don't really get it. Maybe because I didn't get it then, either. The impact. I was 19. Maybe I still don't get it, though.
I like to remember, and I'm so proud of our country and how we all pulled together and stood united. I wish it happened more often, but in this day and age it just won't.
I remember seeing the flags at half-mass. and the patriotic sentiments we all shared.
I remember the news that came through over the next weeks.
I remember feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of disaster.
But I never felt unsafe. And I never wondered "why" it happened. And I'm so glad it isn't our job to save the world, because look at what a disaster we've made of it.
It's tragic. I think about it often, too. Those burning towers and the lives that were lost. All of the sadness and sorrow and pain. And I wish that I understood better. I wish it would have just ended there so we wouldn't have to listen to stories of soldiers dying and wonder who's safe.
Maybe I'm naive. But I still believe. I believe we're all in His hands and everyone will have to give an account for what they've done.
While the Nations Rage
Why do the nations rage?
Why do they plot and scheme?
Their bullets can't stop the prayers we pray
In the name of the Prince of Peace
We walk in faith and remember long ago
How they killed Him and then how on the third day He arose
Well, things may look bad
And things may look grim
But all these things must pass except the things that are of Him
Where are the nails that pierced His hands?
Well the nails have turned to rust
But behold the Man
He is risen
And He reigns
In the hearts of the children
Rising up in His name
Where are the thorns that drew His blood?
Well, the thorns have turned to dust
But not so the love
He has given
No, it remains
In the hearts of the children
Who will love while the nations rage
The Lord in Heaven laughs
He knows what is to come
While all the chiefs of state plan their big attacks
Against His anointed One
The Church of God she will not bend her knees
To the gods of this world though they promise her peace
She stands her ground
Stands firm on the Rock
Watch their walls tumble down when she lives out His love
Where are the nails...
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
what's the DEAL
Angsty venting coming right up!
Here's the problem I'm having lately. I don't fit into boxes. And it's driving me nuts. I don't like being boxed in, but it seems like that's the only way people will accept me. I've made an art out of being mediocre, but some how that doesn't work when I pull from all kinds of different boxes and make my own outfit up. And yet, I still look like everyone else, and I obviously don't stick out enough for anyone to notice me or think I have anything to offer the general population.
This doesn't make any sense. All I'm saying is, I wish people wouldn't decide who I am just because of some box I happen to be pulling stuff out of. I've got talents you'll never see. I'm way smarter than I get credit for. And, I suck at plenty of things that people think I'm good at. Seriously.
I'm just in a bad mood. Feeling so sarcastic. most of the time I can reign it in--keep my mouth shut when I want to make a snide remark. I'm SO funny in my head, but I try so hard not to be mean. And usually it works, but today I just want to GO OFF on someone or something and let the whole world know how annoyed I am. But, this blog isn't anonymous enough to actually be explicit in the real things that are bothering me, s oI'm just going to whine about these vague things.
I need to shut up and go to bed. but I drank a chai tea and now I'm buzzed.
And, I really want some guacamole.
Here's the problem I'm having lately. I don't fit into boxes. And it's driving me nuts. I don't like being boxed in, but it seems like that's the only way people will accept me. I've made an art out of being mediocre, but some how that doesn't work when I pull from all kinds of different boxes and make my own outfit up. And yet, I still look like everyone else, and I obviously don't stick out enough for anyone to notice me or think I have anything to offer the general population.
This doesn't make any sense. All I'm saying is, I wish people wouldn't decide who I am just because of some box I happen to be pulling stuff out of. I've got talents you'll never see. I'm way smarter than I get credit for. And, I suck at plenty of things that people think I'm good at. Seriously.
I'm just in a bad mood. Feeling so sarcastic. most of the time I can reign it in--keep my mouth shut when I want to make a snide remark. I'm SO funny in my head, but I try so hard not to be mean. And usually it works, but today I just want to GO OFF on someone or something and let the whole world know how annoyed I am. But, this blog isn't anonymous enough to actually be explicit in the real things that are bothering me, s oI'm just going to whine about these vague things.
I need to shut up and go to bed. but I drank a chai tea and now I'm buzzed.
And, I really want some guacamole.
Sunday, September 04, 2011
More from the Lesser World
Today we went into the new church building and saw all of the people we've always seen, in fact more than usual. There's a wide open area where people can mingle. They call it Main Street.
In the service I looked around at all the usual faces, spread out further, harder to see. but still happy.
The first time i went in there, the greeter at the door was our late senior pastor's wife, who still attends with her new husband Richard. and it hit me. It was a little taste of heaven. Not because it was the most amazing building ever made or anything, but just because. One day we'll leave these shadows and find ourselves in the light, in the truest forms of what was represented on earth like Plato said. Sort of like leaving behind the old building with all of its fond memories and leaky pipes and broken tiles and flashy flourescent lights, walking into the splendor of newness. Instead of just seeing faces of the other people from church, it will be the Church of every age, all of those witnesses who went before us.
And there we'll see all of these faces of people--ones who we knew on the lesser world, whose flaws and moles and dark secrets are washed away, clothed in white. And the smiles will be real, and we'll be surrounded by unspeakable beauty and wonder, too vast to explore, more creative than we ever could create, more magical than we ever imagined.
And I think Pastor Ray (along with thousands of other amazing people we knew on earth) will be there at the door, smiling, giving hugs and saying, "Welcome home!"
In the service I looked around at all the usual faces, spread out further, harder to see. but still happy.
The first time i went in there, the greeter at the door was our late senior pastor's wife, who still attends with her new husband Richard. and it hit me. It was a little taste of heaven. Not because it was the most amazing building ever made or anything, but just because. One day we'll leave these shadows and find ourselves in the light, in the truest forms of what was represented on earth like Plato said. Sort of like leaving behind the old building with all of its fond memories and leaky pipes and broken tiles and flashy flourescent lights, walking into the splendor of newness. Instead of just seeing faces of the other people from church, it will be the Church of every age, all of those witnesses who went before us.
And there we'll see all of these faces of people--ones who we knew on the lesser world, whose flaws and moles and dark secrets are washed away, clothed in white. And the smiles will be real, and we'll be surrounded by unspeakable beauty and wonder, too vast to explore, more creative than we ever could create, more magical than we ever imagined.
And I think Pastor Ray (along with thousands of other amazing people we knew on earth) will be there at the door, smiling, giving hugs and saying, "Welcome home!"
Friday, September 02, 2011
Facebook, bane of banes.
Reasons I would like to quit facebook:
Waste of time. Hours lost. Hours.
Frivolous. If I could guarantee that people would only post something interesting I wouldn't mind reading everyone's posts. I'm sorry. I don't CARE where you're eating supper, unless you're inviting me to join you.
Big Brother. Too many details. Too many pictures. The Man can get whatever he needs to bring you down, baby.
People I don't Know that well. Did you have to friend me? Now I'm in a moral delima. We were in a wedding together and we'll probably never talk again. But if I ignore you now, you might be offended.
People I know well. But, what are we going to talk about now that you already told me that on facebook?
Yes, No or Maybe. I don't know if people used to be allowed to RSVP with maybe. But now that they can, it really puts a dent in planning things when everyone's holding off on their real answer to make sure there's nothing better happening that night.
Time suck. Oh, did I mention that? Why can't I keep away? Why can't I just be OK with not reading everyone's updates. Because, WHAT IF I MISS SOMETHING IMPORTANT. And that takes me back to the real life thing. Someone ASSUMES I know they're pregnant because they announced it on facebook, but I didn't happen to read all of those posts that day. Now I missed it and she's six months along and I'm still too afraid to ask for sure.
Misunderstandings. I guess some people just don't "get" me. Or, maybe having a platform to sound off any rash opinion i happen to have isn't the best thing for me. I don't know. But I don't like offending people, either way.
"Pass it on"s. OH THEYRE SO STUPID. QUIT. It's not helping anyone to post a little blurb about how great your second cousin is or why we should care more about soldiers. Maybe, we should just go and volunteer in the community.
Scams, especially the video sorts. I didn't really want to even see the title of that in my news feed. And really, if you haven't figured out by now that your seventy-year-old next door neighbor isn't the sort who would post a nasty video of Miley that isn't actually a video, then you shouldn't be on facebook anyway. Get your minds out of the gutter.
Reasons I can't talk myself into quitting facebook:
Friends. I don't want to miss what's happening. And secretly, I'm afraid they won't tell me if they put it on facebook because they expect me to just read it.
Long-distance friends. The people I never get to see but occasionally wonder how they're doing, what they're up to.
Family. It's pretty much the only way I stay in contact with my cousins.
Easy contact. I don't have to keep addresses on file. I can just facebook them!
Coupon blogs. They go in my news feed so I don't have to remember to check them every day. I've probably saved myself $10 by now.
Games. Not gonna lie. Sometimes I need a boggle fix, and I need it NOW.
The Happenings. I'm actually guilty of forgetting to invite a non-facebook friend to an event, because I invited everyone else via facebook., I don't want to be that person.
My window to the outside world. There are people who, let's face it, aren't ever going to actually talk to me in real life. but, they happen to be my facebook friend so I can see what's going on in those circles without ever having to be social. And, that's really the ultimate reason. I don't want to have to expend effort to talk to people. Sitting here on my butt, in the comfort of my own home, with Star Trek playing in the background, is so much easier than going OUT to a place and TALKING with my voice, to people whose comments require an immediate response. I'm funnier online, when I have time to think about it first. And that's the honest truth.
Waste of time. Hours lost. Hours.
Frivolous. If I could guarantee that people would only post something interesting I wouldn't mind reading everyone's posts. I'm sorry. I don't CARE where you're eating supper, unless you're inviting me to join you.
Big Brother. Too many details. Too many pictures. The Man can get whatever he needs to bring you down, baby.
People I don't Know that well. Did you have to friend me? Now I'm in a moral delima. We were in a wedding together and we'll probably never talk again. But if I ignore you now, you might be offended.
People I know well. But, what are we going to talk about now that you already told me that on facebook?
Yes, No or Maybe. I don't know if people used to be allowed to RSVP with maybe. But now that they can, it really puts a dent in planning things when everyone's holding off on their real answer to make sure there's nothing better happening that night.
Time suck. Oh, did I mention that? Why can't I keep away? Why can't I just be OK with not reading everyone's updates. Because, WHAT IF I MISS SOMETHING IMPORTANT. And that takes me back to the real life thing. Someone ASSUMES I know they're pregnant because they announced it on facebook, but I didn't happen to read all of those posts that day. Now I missed it and she's six months along and I'm still too afraid to ask for sure.
Misunderstandings. I guess some people just don't "get" me. Or, maybe having a platform to sound off any rash opinion i happen to have isn't the best thing for me. I don't know. But I don't like offending people, either way.
"Pass it on"s. OH THEYRE SO STUPID. QUIT. It's not helping anyone to post a little blurb about how great your second cousin is or why we should care more about soldiers. Maybe, we should just go and volunteer in the community.
Scams, especially the video sorts. I didn't really want to even see the title of that in my news feed. And really, if you haven't figured out by now that your seventy-year-old next door neighbor isn't the sort who would post a nasty video of Miley that isn't actually a video, then you shouldn't be on facebook anyway. Get your minds out of the gutter.
Reasons I can't talk myself into quitting facebook:
Friends. I don't want to miss what's happening. And secretly, I'm afraid they won't tell me if they put it on facebook because they expect me to just read it.
Long-distance friends. The people I never get to see but occasionally wonder how they're doing, what they're up to.
Family. It's pretty much the only way I stay in contact with my cousins.
Easy contact. I don't have to keep addresses on file. I can just facebook them!
Coupon blogs. They go in my news feed so I don't have to remember to check them every day. I've probably saved myself $10 by now.
Games. Not gonna lie. Sometimes I need a boggle fix, and I need it NOW.
The Happenings. I'm actually guilty of forgetting to invite a non-facebook friend to an event, because I invited everyone else via facebook., I don't want to be that person.
My window to the outside world. There are people who, let's face it, aren't ever going to actually talk to me in real life. but, they happen to be my facebook friend so I can see what's going on in those circles without ever having to be social. And, that's really the ultimate reason. I don't want to have to expend effort to talk to people. Sitting here on my butt, in the comfort of my own home, with Star Trek playing in the background, is so much easier than going OUT to a place and TALKING with my voice, to people whose comments require an immediate response. I'm funnier online, when I have time to think about it first. And that's the honest truth.
It's Not OK to Have Opinions Anymore
This is a personal rant, from my heart. Because I'm tired of "Discussing" things with defensive people who have chips on their shoulders that turn into "issues" that aren't even really issues. I don't have a specific person in mind here. Just the whole world. Except, of course, whoever agrees with me. ;)
Don't blow your personal pain out of proportion, thinking the whole world must fit into your box. We're all coming from different places in life.
Don't think, because you're more angry/passionate/vocal that I'm wrong.
Don't turn your inadequacies into problems with society. Maybe you just have a weakness. It's OK. we all do.
Don't discount me just because you don't like how I said something. Maybe my weakness is not saying things right.
Don't discredit my opinion. I didn't discredit yours automatically by disagreeing. didn't we already learn the difference between fact and opinion?
Don't call me close-minded. Some day we'll see who's right and wrong and I'm sure we'll both lie in both categories.
Don't think I don't care about you.
Don't attack my personal beliefs.
It's an opinion. If you didn't watn to discuss it, you shouldn't have brought it up.
Don't blow your personal pain out of proportion, thinking the whole world must fit into your box. We're all coming from different places in life.
Don't think, because you're more angry/passionate/vocal that I'm wrong.
Don't turn your inadequacies into problems with society. Maybe you just have a weakness. It's OK. we all do.
Don't discount me just because you don't like how I said something. Maybe my weakness is not saying things right.
Don't discredit my opinion. I didn't discredit yours automatically by disagreeing. didn't we already learn the difference between fact and opinion?
Don't call me close-minded. Some day we'll see who's right and wrong and I'm sure we'll both lie in both categories.
Don't think I don't care about you.
Don't attack my personal beliefs.
It's an opinion. If you didn't watn to discuss it, you shouldn't have brought it up.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Sad fruitful, Broken, True
Yesterday was a long goodbye for me. It was strange, too, because it wasn't like most goodbyes, where you know you'll see each other again, or you at least get to hear some parting words. And it wasn't like a death, either, where you're left wishing for something more, for one last moment together.
I guess that's my fault. Since I was saying goodbye to a building. I know, it sounds ridiculous. We're getting a new church building. THe pastor's been saying all along, "it isn't that we're getting a new church. The church is the people. We're just moving to a new building." And it's an amazingly huge, brand new facility that was paid for by our congregation, and it will serve so many people and I'm excited for what will happen.
But. Goodbye is still goodbye.
Because, when I was fifteen years old, I found this sort of home at our church. We'd visited so many other places, and it was the first one I went to where I felt like I could belong. I was impressed by so many things. Mostly, the welcoming faces and the warmth. I was a visitor, but they never assumed I would stop coming. They just kept inviting me along for whatever they were doing.
I grew there, spiritually and physically, and romantically.
I fell in love there. I mean, literally. My first glimpse of Daniel in person was there. After we'd emailed for six months, he showed up, fresh off the plane from Russia. This smiling face with a bounce in his step, and I think it was maybe love at first sight. There in the church's front lawn, under the oak tree that still stands there.
We said "I love you" to each other outside of the youth room.
We danced and sang in the church musicals together.
He proposed to me the night he was baptized, there in the church gym.
And of course we were married there.
But it wasn't just him. It's a hundred other friends and family members, people who have watched me grow and who love me and care about me. And they'll all be there when we go to the new building.
But those old tile floors and the lockers on the wall have seen so much of me. And I'll miss the comfort of a place like that, where I know all of the nooks and crannies. Where I taught kids classes and sang in choir. Is it stupid to miss a church building? It might be. Because really, it's just a shell of a place. a kind of backdrop for what really matters. And the same things will keep happening as we move on. The same people will smile and open doors and greet and take offering and teach my kids. But I'll miss that place all the same. Not because I love it, but I love the memories and the people who are part of it.
And I think everyone has a place or two like that, filled with memories that only you really appreciate. Maybe high school or a best friend's house or your grandparent's house. Or your own house. I think about places like that, and wonder why people say home is a feeling. Because it is, but it's also a place. Or two or three.
I have this song on CD by Sara Groves. I always wish I could write like her when I hear her music. And this song, The House, sort of says what I'm thinking today about that church building. Like the hull of a seed, that old church cracked wide open...
The House
I guess that's my fault. Since I was saying goodbye to a building. I know, it sounds ridiculous. We're getting a new church building. THe pastor's been saying all along, "it isn't that we're getting a new church. The church is the people. We're just moving to a new building." And it's an amazingly huge, brand new facility that was paid for by our congregation, and it will serve so many people and I'm excited for what will happen.
But. Goodbye is still goodbye.
Because, when I was fifteen years old, I found this sort of home at our church. We'd visited so many other places, and it was the first one I went to where I felt like I could belong. I was impressed by so many things. Mostly, the welcoming faces and the warmth. I was a visitor, but they never assumed I would stop coming. They just kept inviting me along for whatever they were doing.
I grew there, spiritually and physically, and romantically.
I fell in love there. I mean, literally. My first glimpse of Daniel in person was there. After we'd emailed for six months, he showed up, fresh off the plane from Russia. This smiling face with a bounce in his step, and I think it was maybe love at first sight. There in the church's front lawn, under the oak tree that still stands there.
We said "I love you" to each other outside of the youth room.
We danced and sang in the church musicals together.
He proposed to me the night he was baptized, there in the church gym.
And of course we were married there.
But it wasn't just him. It's a hundred other friends and family members, people who have watched me grow and who love me and care about me. And they'll all be there when we go to the new building.
But those old tile floors and the lockers on the wall have seen so much of me. And I'll miss the comfort of a place like that, where I know all of the nooks and crannies. Where I taught kids classes and sang in choir. Is it stupid to miss a church building? It might be. Because really, it's just a shell of a place. a kind of backdrop for what really matters. And the same things will keep happening as we move on. The same people will smile and open doors and greet and take offering and teach my kids. But I'll miss that place all the same. Not because I love it, but I love the memories and the people who are part of it.
And I think everyone has a place or two like that, filled with memories that only you really appreciate. Maybe high school or a best friend's house or your grandparent's house. Or your own house. I think about places like that, and wonder why people say home is a feeling. Because it is, but it's also a place. Or two or three.
I have this song on CD by Sara Groves. I always wish I could write like her when I hear her music. And this song, The House, sort of says what I'm thinking today about that church building. Like the hull of a seed, that old church cracked wide open...
The House
it took me by surprise
this old house and these old feelings
walked round and looked inside
familiar walls and halls and ceilings
where I'd dream and plan
every moment of sunshine
this was my whole world
it was all I knew
like the hull of a seed
this old house cracked wide open
as I grew
hadn't given it much thought
hadn't been back here for a while
everything looks so small
seen through the memories of a child
who would dream and stare
from that second story window
that was my whole world
it was all I knew
like the hull the of a seed
this old house cracked wide open
and I flew
sad fruitful broken true
sad fruitful broken true
memories for miles and miles
summers falls winters and springs
Ruby you take it in
see he's withheld no good thing
Sunday, August 21, 2011
We’ve all got something to say
About the memories from which we were made
The pieces of time and space
Spread out before us in eternity
And I used to count stars
Back when I still believed you could count them all
Those parts of me, the people the places, the dreams and the failures
Remembered only in my heart for what they were
These things, seen by the masses as every day
Can become, in an individual soul, the essence of who they are.
And that’s why I can’t stop looking at these parts
The simple and the strong, the short and the long
Mundane and colorful, the memories
The stars, counted once, counted twice, and thousands more.
Seen by all
From their own corner of the world.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Wedding Bells
There were no wedding bells last weekend. At least not where I was. But there was a wedding.
We drove down to Nashville for my sister's hitchin'. Overall, it was a pretty good time. Even though it was a little busy. For those of you interested in these kinds of things, I'll just give the synopsis.
I was a bridesmaid. My girls were flower girls. They were adorable, even though their little curls didn't really stay in with the humidity.
The wedding was at the church the groom had grown up in, and his dad had been a pastor there. So there was this tightly knit community all around us. It was nice to see, and I think that an outsider would probably think my family/church looked similar. I felt strangely outside of it all. There weren'ta lot of "brides guests" at the wedding. My sister's best friend family came. There are three daughters and the parents and they're like her second family. Then of course, my brothers and my parents were there and hubby. My mother-in-law came as well, since she's one of my mom's best friends. And my cousin.
That was it as far as people I knew. There were a lot of kids from college who came too. I love my sister's friends. Hanging out with the bridesmaids was really fun. For the bachelorette party we went to this place called Cadalak Ranch. We had some drinks and danced. We meaning not me. well I danced. I didn't drink because I didn't feel like shelling out seven and a half bucks per glass. But whatever. I was pretty much over it after an hour, but we stayed longer.
It was fun to see the night life down there, though. I wished we'd had more time to stop into some other joints and check them out. There was some cool stuff down there.
After the wedding we drove downtown again with my parents and my cousin and brothers. Then we went to this park with a Parthanon in it. There was a wedding there so we got to see inside and it was pretty cool. There was also a tent with swing dancing and live music at the park which I enjoyed.
The wedding was cute. Kind of simple. And that's about all there is to say about that. The 10-hour drive home was... um, exhausting. I think we're done traveling for a while.
I haven't had a summer this crazy since the first year after we graduated college. We had a wedding we were in every other weekend, and then we had to squeeze in a trip to California for Daniel's grandma's funeral, and right after I got homef rom that I rode up to Montana to see my grandparents and took the train home in time for the next wedding.
This has actually been less exhausting than that. Except I have kids now, so maybe it was.
Whatever. I'm unwinding now by playing a stupid bricks breaking game and watching Star Trek Deep Space 9. **Geek Disclaimer** So far I don't like the show much. I didn't like it much when I was a kid either. If it doesn't get more interesting soon I'll probably skip ahead to Voyager. Which I really did like when it was on the air. Yeah, you all wanted to know that, didn't you?
I'm going to go back to my very important show now. Have a great weekend!
We drove down to Nashville for my sister's hitchin'. Overall, it was a pretty good time. Even though it was a little busy. For those of you interested in these kinds of things, I'll just give the synopsis.
I was a bridesmaid. My girls were flower girls. They were adorable, even though their little curls didn't really stay in with the humidity.
The wedding was at the church the groom had grown up in, and his dad had been a pastor there. So there was this tightly knit community all around us. It was nice to see, and I think that an outsider would probably think my family/church looked similar. I felt strangely outside of it all. There weren'ta lot of "brides guests" at the wedding. My sister's best friend family came. There are three daughters and the parents and they're like her second family. Then of course, my brothers and my parents were there and hubby. My mother-in-law came as well, since she's one of my mom's best friends. And my cousin.
That was it as far as people I knew. There were a lot of kids from college who came too. I love my sister's friends. Hanging out with the bridesmaids was really fun. For the bachelorette party we went to this place called Cadalak Ranch. We had some drinks and danced. We meaning not me. well I danced. I didn't drink because I didn't feel like shelling out seven and a half bucks per glass. But whatever. I was pretty much over it after an hour, but we stayed longer.
It was fun to see the night life down there, though. I wished we'd had more time to stop into some other joints and check them out. There was some cool stuff down there.
After the wedding we drove downtown again with my parents and my cousin and brothers. Then we went to this park with a Parthanon in it. There was a wedding there so we got to see inside and it was pretty cool. There was also a tent with swing dancing and live music at the park which I enjoyed.
The wedding was cute. Kind of simple. And that's about all there is to say about that. The 10-hour drive home was... um, exhausting. I think we're done traveling for a while.
I haven't had a summer this crazy since the first year after we graduated college. We had a wedding we were in every other weekend, and then we had to squeeze in a trip to California for Daniel's grandma's funeral, and right after I got homef rom that I rode up to Montana to see my grandparents and took the train home in time for the next wedding.
This has actually been less exhausting than that. Except I have kids now, so maybe it was.
Whatever. I'm unwinding now by playing a stupid bricks breaking game and watching Star Trek Deep Space 9. **Geek Disclaimer** So far I don't like the show much. I didn't like it much when I was a kid either. If it doesn't get more interesting soon I'll probably skip ahead to Voyager. Which I really did like when it was on the air. Yeah, you all wanted to know that, didn't you?
I'm going to go back to my very important show now. Have a great weekend!
Where Did Summer Go?
I've heard about a billion people say that this week, as all of the area schools are starting back up again. I sort of miss it. I have ever since that last year.
The new markers and pencils, the fresh uncracked notebooks and the smell of freshly waxed floors at the school. The excitement and anxiety of meeting the class and new teachers.
Hearing them try to pronounce my name correctly.
Next year will be Arlene's kindergarten year. I don't know what we're doing yet as far as what school or home school. This year a few of us are having a preschool co-op where all of the kids go to one mom's house and we rotate through who teaches what. It might be fun. I decided not to send her to preschool for several reasons. 1) I taught preschool for four years myself 2) She knows pretty much everything she'd learn and I don't want her to be bored. 3) She's just a kid. I don't want to rush into school. 4) It's expensive. 5) She gets a LOT of social interaction, and classroom experience, so that isn't a concern at all.
As I consider homeschooling and its benefits, more than that I think about the cons. Like the fact that we won't have those mystical first days of school, and that I'll have kids with me all day every day. But, there are plenty of other things that I like about it. Primarily the freedom to do as we wish, rearrange the day based on what needs to be done. take school on vacation and do it there. Anyway, hopefully that doesn't start a public debate because I don't really care to have one. I can see benefits of both ways. I went to public school my whole life, which is partly why I'm partial to other options.
All that to say, with the school year gearing up, I do feel sort of gypped. We were busy running around, working on projects and whatever. We didn't really get to enjoy long summer nights with camp fires and stars and swimming pools and bugs. It's been so bloody hot this summer too. So when we were home, we just didn't get to enjoy the outside like we normally would have. And the grass was long so I had to mow a lot, which is like my least favorite thing to do. But, I guess, the vacations and trips and being busy is partly what summer is too. So I'm glad that we got to meet up with friends and enjoy the freedom of no activities. And, I'm planning to eek out whatever parts of summer i can while it's still warm. And the warm always stays longer than I want.
The new markers and pencils, the fresh uncracked notebooks and the smell of freshly waxed floors at the school. The excitement and anxiety of meeting the class and new teachers.
Hearing them try to pronounce my name correctly.
Next year will be Arlene's kindergarten year. I don't know what we're doing yet as far as what school or home school. This year a few of us are having a preschool co-op where all of the kids go to one mom's house and we rotate through who teaches what. It might be fun. I decided not to send her to preschool for several reasons. 1) I taught preschool for four years myself 2) She knows pretty much everything she'd learn and I don't want her to be bored. 3) She's just a kid. I don't want to rush into school. 4) It's expensive. 5) She gets a LOT of social interaction, and classroom experience, so that isn't a concern at all.
As I consider homeschooling and its benefits, more than that I think about the cons. Like the fact that we won't have those mystical first days of school, and that I'll have kids with me all day every day. But, there are plenty of other things that I like about it. Primarily the freedom to do as we wish, rearrange the day based on what needs to be done. take school on vacation and do it there. Anyway, hopefully that doesn't start a public debate because I don't really care to have one. I can see benefits of both ways. I went to public school my whole life, which is partly why I'm partial to other options.
All that to say, with the school year gearing up, I do feel sort of gypped. We were busy running around, working on projects and whatever. We didn't really get to enjoy long summer nights with camp fires and stars and swimming pools and bugs. It's been so bloody hot this summer too. So when we were home, we just didn't get to enjoy the outside like we normally would have. And the grass was long so I had to mow a lot, which is like my least favorite thing to do. But, I guess, the vacations and trips and being busy is partly what summer is too. So I'm glad that we got to meet up with friends and enjoy the freedom of no activities. And, I'm planning to eek out whatever parts of summer i can while it's still warm. And the warm always stays longer than I want.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Very very busy
My kids have a song on one of their CDs that goes "we're very very busy and we've got a lot to do and we haven't got a minute to explain it all to you. For on sunday monday tuesday there are things that we must see and on wednesday thursday Friday we're as busy as can be. With our most important meetings and our most important calls and we have to do so many things and post them on the walls."
That's how I've felt this summer. It's kind of driving me nuts. I like having time to sit. There hasn't been a lot of it (hense the shortage of posts, which I know you're all so sad about). Kids just keep you busy. In the summer, there's more to do too. Library programs, wading pools and sprinklers, gardening (which I didn't do this year), walks, bike rides, parks, etc. I've wanted to have more time with my friends, but it seems like these things keep coming up.
And in the midst of it, I have these fleeting deep thoughts, which i think I'll blog about, but then I forget them by the end of the day when I have time.
I also wasted two weeks of evenings watching a TV show that we got addicted to. Not sharing what it is, either. Guilty pleasures.
Anyway. What else happened?
My sister hopped home for a quick visit. While she was here, my brother returned home from Afghanistan, so we went down to central state for the coming home cerimony. It was ridiculously short, which was great. And so great to have my little brother home.
My sister's getting married in two and a half weeks in Nashville. Before that, we're probably headed up to Montana for a quick visit with the relatives. It doesn't quite seem like a good idea to drag my kids across the country one direction one week, then back across and the other direction the next. But I think I'm crazy like that. It should be good.
Between MOntana and Nashville, my brother-in-law's family will be here visiting. We're closest in age to them and always get along well, so we'll probably spend some time with them in those few days.
It isn't really that busy when I talk about it. But, then I have to add in bringing the kids along everywhere, making supper, keeping the house clean, finishing house projects (never ending), church, and garage sales (which I actually consider part of my duty because otherwise I have to go and find good deals at stores and save coupons and crap like that and I just don't want to).
I like busy. but I like butt-sitting too. Maybe Montana will be a good rest. I can't wait to stand among the wheat. Watch the rodeo and dream about horses. Ride four wheelers and bum around at the fair with the cousins. Maybe I'll get a good storm out of it too.
Anyway, that was a boring post about what I'm doing. What are you doing these days? Are you busy too?
That's how I've felt this summer. It's kind of driving me nuts. I like having time to sit. There hasn't been a lot of it (hense the shortage of posts, which I know you're all so sad about). Kids just keep you busy. In the summer, there's more to do too. Library programs, wading pools and sprinklers, gardening (which I didn't do this year), walks, bike rides, parks, etc. I've wanted to have more time with my friends, but it seems like these things keep coming up.
And in the midst of it, I have these fleeting deep thoughts, which i think I'll blog about, but then I forget them by the end of the day when I have time.
I also wasted two weeks of evenings watching a TV show that we got addicted to. Not sharing what it is, either. Guilty pleasures.
Anyway. What else happened?
My sister hopped home for a quick visit. While she was here, my brother returned home from Afghanistan, so we went down to central state for the coming home cerimony. It was ridiculously short, which was great. And so great to have my little brother home.
My sister's getting married in two and a half weeks in Nashville. Before that, we're probably headed up to Montana for a quick visit with the relatives. It doesn't quite seem like a good idea to drag my kids across the country one direction one week, then back across and the other direction the next. But I think I'm crazy like that. It should be good.
Between MOntana and Nashville, my brother-in-law's family will be here visiting. We're closest in age to them and always get along well, so we'll probably spend some time with them in those few days.
It isn't really that busy when I talk about it. But, then I have to add in bringing the kids along everywhere, making supper, keeping the house clean, finishing house projects (never ending), church, and garage sales (which I actually consider part of my duty because otherwise I have to go and find good deals at stores and save coupons and crap like that and I just don't want to).
I like busy. but I like butt-sitting too. Maybe Montana will be a good rest. I can't wait to stand among the wheat. Watch the rodeo and dream about horses. Ride four wheelers and bum around at the fair with the cousins. Maybe I'll get a good storm out of it too.
Anyway, that was a boring post about what I'm doing. What are you doing these days? Are you busy too?
Monday, July 11, 2011
One Year Ago
It's funny how, even though our minds seem built for eternity, we live with such a temporal mindset. Where we take so many wonderful things for granted. And then, in one jarring moment, when it's lost, we realize all over again how broken the world is, and how fleeting all of our pleasures are.
One year ago, I was in the RV headed up to my grandma's funeral with my family, my older brother and a cousin. With such heavy hearts, we laid her to rest in the family plot, next to ancestors and baby grandchildren gone too soon. It was the first funeral I've been to where I felt great personal loss at the goodbye. because grandmas, they're just always part of your life. Whether you know them well or not. You're part of them. They're a piece of the stability you know, and part of who you are.
My grandma, Dorthy Mae, was this amazing woman who learned the joy of contentment, even amidst trials and discomfort. She knew God's peace in a way I hope I will some day. Her home was part of me, that tiny shack she called her patchwork palace, made up of combined pieces of other shacks and homesteads, heated by a coal stove. She never seemed to mind the fact that she couldn't grow flowers in that dusty soil.
How is she a part of me? She prayed for me, I think every day. She invited me into her life, and shared this talent for writing, whther through genes or just through a mutual interest. She'd show me her publications, and tell me about the marketing. The last time I saw her, we talked about the time it takes. How it's easy to write, because that's the fun part. But marketing is a whole different ballgame. And she probably had more success than I ever will. She wrote thousands of articles for the newpaper, the Montana magazine, and senior citizens news. Her poetry is so poingnet and masterful. And while most of the world never gets to see it, I do. And I'm better for it.
I miss her all the time. Those wrinkled laugh lines and sheepish smile. The softness of her voice. Her silly jokes and the way she always found happiness amidst the dust. The baked bread. The coal dust that covered everything in her house.
The generosity and grace which came out of her content heart.
I'd give everything to be able to sit at the table and play Scrabble again, just one last time.
And I think I will, if games are a part of heaven. And there, it won't matter that she takes twenty minutes to put down a 70-point word every turn.
There, she won't have to use a walker or be in pain, or wade her way through clutter and junk, or open the window for a better breeze and wish the bugs weren't flying in. There, we'll just worship together.
I like to imagine her up there, rocking babies while she waits for the rest of us. My brother Daniel, my daughter Grace. My cousin, John, who would be 35 if he were here. I think she probably makes them soup, too, since something that delicious could only come from heaven.
Why do we miss our grandmas so much when they leave? Because they're a part of us. And her spirit of fortitude, and the joy she showed, her quiet devotion to God and her family, will always be a part of me. Save me a seat up there, Grandma.
WHY WEEPEST THOU?
By Dorothy Rustebakke
Dewdrops glistened on the bud
As Mary walked in grief,
Seeing not the quickened bough
Nor yet the bright new leaf.
But as she walked in sorrow there,
Blinded by her tears,
Her risen Lord spoke words to her
That echo through the years.
And all who grieve for loved ones lost
Find comfort even now,
Remembering the gentle voice
That asked, "Why weepest thou?"
One year ago, I was in the RV headed up to my grandma's funeral with my family, my older brother and a cousin. With such heavy hearts, we laid her to rest in the family plot, next to ancestors and baby grandchildren gone too soon. It was the first funeral I've been to where I felt great personal loss at the goodbye. because grandmas, they're just always part of your life. Whether you know them well or not. You're part of them. They're a piece of the stability you know, and part of who you are.
My grandma, Dorthy Mae, was this amazing woman who learned the joy of contentment, even amidst trials and discomfort. She knew God's peace in a way I hope I will some day. Her home was part of me, that tiny shack she called her patchwork palace, made up of combined pieces of other shacks and homesteads, heated by a coal stove. She never seemed to mind the fact that she couldn't grow flowers in that dusty soil.
How is she a part of me? She prayed for me, I think every day. She invited me into her life, and shared this talent for writing, whther through genes or just through a mutual interest. She'd show me her publications, and tell me about the marketing. The last time I saw her, we talked about the time it takes. How it's easy to write, because that's the fun part. But marketing is a whole different ballgame. And she probably had more success than I ever will. She wrote thousands of articles for the newpaper, the Montana magazine, and senior citizens news. Her poetry is so poingnet and masterful. And while most of the world never gets to see it, I do. And I'm better for it.
I miss her all the time. Those wrinkled laugh lines and sheepish smile. The softness of her voice. Her silly jokes and the way she always found happiness amidst the dust. The baked bread. The coal dust that covered everything in her house.
The generosity and grace which came out of her content heart.
I'd give everything to be able to sit at the table and play Scrabble again, just one last time.
And I think I will, if games are a part of heaven. And there, it won't matter that she takes twenty minutes to put down a 70-point word every turn.
There, she won't have to use a walker or be in pain, or wade her way through clutter and junk, or open the window for a better breeze and wish the bugs weren't flying in. There, we'll just worship together.
I like to imagine her up there, rocking babies while she waits for the rest of us. My brother Daniel, my daughter Grace. My cousin, John, who would be 35 if he were here. I think she probably makes them soup, too, since something that delicious could only come from heaven.
Why do we miss our grandmas so much when they leave? Because they're a part of us. And her spirit of fortitude, and the joy she showed, her quiet devotion to God and her family, will always be a part of me. Save me a seat up there, Grandma.
WHY WEEPEST THOU?
By Dorothy Rustebakke
Dewdrops glistened on the bud
As Mary walked in grief,
Seeing not the quickened bough
Nor yet the bright new leaf.
But as she walked in sorrow there,
Blinded by her tears,
Her risen Lord spoke words to her
That echo through the years.
And all who grieve for loved ones lost
Find comfort even now,
Remembering the gentle voice
That asked, "Why weepest thou?"
Saturday, July 09, 2011
Kim, the Scrabble Warrior
The other night I met with my friend from high school. Really, she's one of only a couple who are left that I still stay in contact with. Thanks to facebook I keep tabs on several friends, but really Kim's the one I see most often. We meet every couple of months to play Scrabble and catch up.
Even though I beat her by about 50 points this time around, we're pretty equally matched in Scrabble so it makes it more fun. What I like about Kim, aside from her being plaina wesome, is that she really hasn't changed a lot. And i don't feel like I have either. so when we hang out, I don't feel like I have to impress her or prove anything.
She is immensly more talented, smart and successful than i am/was/ever will be so I'm just glad she still likes me.
I met her in freshman math class. we were in this block so we had all four of our afternoon classes together, along with band in the morning. We met because our mutual friends didn't really understand math. We were all in on that together, since our teacher really only cared about baseball.
After that year we had several more classes together. The most memorable being the humanities/history block, and AP Chemistry. What sucked was that she always got better grades than me, no matter who worked harder. Actually she was usually the one working harder. Which proves how much smarter she was. She ended up being valedictorian. I sat somewhere in the middle of the class, doing what I needed to to get by.
we have a lot of great memories. One of the best is how we used to make faces at each other when we were giving speeches. It usually involved this ridiculous thing from Monty Python's Flying Circus "And now for something completely different. A man with a tape recorder up his nose." Yeah. It's hilarious.
We also passed from class to class chanting things about our teachers. That was awesome. we were awesome. The rest of the world didn't understand. We weren't popular. And we just didn't care.
Now, married with two kids each, we're still awesome. And that's what keeps me going back to get slaughtered at Scrabble once in a whlie. Because I like people who don't make me feel like I need to be a certain way. Who know the "real me" so to speak. And she does. Or at least, the part of me that wore moose slippers to school, made fun of teachers, wrote hilarious notes, nearly failed math, and who had her own agenda. Sometimes I miss those days. Most of the time I'm glad we're not there anymore.
oh, and unrelated to this post, she is also part owner of the local Beef O'Brady's, as well as the manager. Which might be the only claim to fame I actually have at this time in life. If you'd even call it fame.
Even though I beat her by about 50 points this time around, we're pretty equally matched in Scrabble so it makes it more fun. What I like about Kim, aside from her being plaina wesome, is that she really hasn't changed a lot. And i don't feel like I have either. so when we hang out, I don't feel like I have to impress her or prove anything.
She is immensly more talented, smart and successful than i am/was/ever will be so I'm just glad she still likes me.
I met her in freshman math class. we were in this block so we had all four of our afternoon classes together, along with band in the morning. We met because our mutual friends didn't really understand math. We were all in on that together, since our teacher really only cared about baseball.
After that year we had several more classes together. The most memorable being the humanities/history block, and AP Chemistry. What sucked was that she always got better grades than me, no matter who worked harder. Actually she was usually the one working harder. Which proves how much smarter she was. She ended up being valedictorian. I sat somewhere in the middle of the class, doing what I needed to to get by.
we have a lot of great memories. One of the best is how we used to make faces at each other when we were giving speeches. It usually involved this ridiculous thing from Monty Python's Flying Circus "And now for something completely different. A man with a tape recorder up his nose." Yeah. It's hilarious.
We also passed from class to class chanting things about our teachers. That was awesome. we were awesome. The rest of the world didn't understand. We weren't popular. And we just didn't care.
Now, married with two kids each, we're still awesome. And that's what keeps me going back to get slaughtered at Scrabble once in a whlie. Because I like people who don't make me feel like I need to be a certain way. Who know the "real me" so to speak. And she does. Or at least, the part of me that wore moose slippers to school, made fun of teachers, wrote hilarious notes, nearly failed math, and who had her own agenda. Sometimes I miss those days. Most of the time I'm glad we're not there anymore.
oh, and unrelated to this post, she is also part owner of the local Beef O'Brady's, as well as the manager. Which might be the only claim to fame I actually have at this time in life. If you'd even call it fame.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Christian Hippies, guitars, and Petra
So I spent the weekend in the RV with my husband, two of his brothers, his dad, and my sister-in-law at a music festival in the middle of a cornfield.
It was 95 degrees and as humid as an indoor pool. We hung out under tents most of the time, listening to different obscure bands playing. And it was SO FUN!
I've named cornerstone the Christian Hippie Fest, because really the flour and fauna made me feel a little... too normal. Conservative and... old, actually. It was great, though. I think about 10,000 people attend, and everyone camps out all over the place for four days, playing music, going to seminars, and enjoying concerts.
They had a Jesus fest this year, bringing in some older bands and artists from the late 60's and 70's. That part was cool, because I'm kind of intrigued by the history of the Jesus movement and the social conditions that made room for such a big movement. My parents and my aunt and uncle were part of it. And the music at the festival Thursday night took us back to that time. Barry McGuire was great, so friendly and personable. He just talked and shared and sang in between. Randy Stonehill was a dork but I like a lot of his music. And he talked about Keith Green, which was cool.
There were some other bands I wasn't super familiar with, and I enjoyed listening to them. But the best part of that night was Classic Petra. If you know anything about Christian music, you know Petra. They were one of the first, maybe the first, Christian rock band. They retired a few years ago, but now some of the old members have reuninted to recover some of their old songs. So they were there, and their show was better than I ever imagined it would be. I'm not even a big Petra fan, but thanks to my pseudo-roommmate freshman year of college, I knew most of the songs they sang. And they were awesome.
Have you seen the Rolling Stones preform lately? They don't got nothin' on Petra. They were so good, so finely tuned and tight together. And Greg X Voltz can still bring it vocally. He hit all of the notes. It was so fun. And the best part was being with my brother-in-law who is a die-hard 80's rock fan. We all danced and sang, only about 50 feet from the stage. This is us. My brother-in-law on the right, and my sister-in-law on my left. And my father-in-law, sleeping in his lawn chair behind us. LOL!
Then there was Phil Keaggy. And he absolutely rules. The guy's probably 65 or older, and he still sounds like he did at age 20. And the guitar. Amazing. We had a rare treat because he sang with his old band Glass Harp, too. That made it even cooler.
I don't know why I'm writing all of this out. Probably most of you just aren't interested in knowing about my Cornerstone experience. But, the coolest part about it is the general atmosphere of the hippies and goths and punks who hang out there. Everyone's nice and friendly, and you can wear/do anything crazy that you want. Partly because you don't know anyone, and mostly because no one cares. I don't have the picture of my awesome hat I wore. Let's just say, it was my grandma's, and it folds up like a fan. I love having a chance to be a dork.
And I loved seeing the bands. It was so fun!
And, thankfully, the RV had air conditioning, or it would not have been NEARLY as awesome.
It was 95 degrees and as humid as an indoor pool. We hung out under tents most of the time, listening to different obscure bands playing. And it was SO FUN!
I've named cornerstone the Christian Hippie Fest, because really the flour and fauna made me feel a little... too normal. Conservative and... old, actually. It was great, though. I think about 10,000 people attend, and everyone camps out all over the place for four days, playing music, going to seminars, and enjoying concerts.
They had a Jesus fest this year, bringing in some older bands and artists from the late 60's and 70's. That part was cool, because I'm kind of intrigued by the history of the Jesus movement and the social conditions that made room for such a big movement. My parents and my aunt and uncle were part of it. And the music at the festival Thursday night took us back to that time. Barry McGuire was great, so friendly and personable. He just talked and shared and sang in between. Randy Stonehill was a dork but I like a lot of his music. And he talked about Keith Green, which was cool.
There were some other bands I wasn't super familiar with, and I enjoyed listening to them. But the best part of that night was Classic Petra. If you know anything about Christian music, you know Petra. They were one of the first, maybe the first, Christian rock band. They retired a few years ago, but now some of the old members have reuninted to recover some of their old songs. So they were there, and their show was better than I ever imagined it would be. I'm not even a big Petra fan, but thanks to my pseudo-roommmate freshman year of college, I knew most of the songs they sang. And they were awesome.
Have you seen the Rolling Stones preform lately? They don't got nothin' on Petra. They were so good, so finely tuned and tight together. And Greg X Voltz can still bring it vocally. He hit all of the notes. It was so fun. And the best part was being with my brother-in-law who is a die-hard 80's rock fan. We all danced and sang, only about 50 feet from the stage. This is us. My brother-in-law on the right, and my sister-in-law on my left. And my father-in-law, sleeping in his lawn chair behind us. LOL!
Then there was Phil Keaggy. And he absolutely rules. The guy's probably 65 or older, and he still sounds like he did at age 20. And the guitar. Amazing. We had a rare treat because he sang with his old band Glass Harp, too. That made it even cooler.
I don't know why I'm writing all of this out. Probably most of you just aren't interested in knowing about my Cornerstone experience. But, the coolest part about it is the general atmosphere of the hippies and goths and punks who hang out there. Everyone's nice and friendly, and you can wear/do anything crazy that you want. Partly because you don't know anyone, and mostly because no one cares. I don't have the picture of my awesome hat I wore. Let's just say, it was my grandma's, and it folds up like a fan. I love having a chance to be a dork.
And I loved seeing the bands. It was so fun!
And, thankfully, the RV had air conditioning, or it would not have been NEARLY as awesome.
Sunday, July 03, 2011
I've got the Hots
We just went through a horrific heat wave. It was 95+ and about a billion percent humidity. I also happened to be at an outdoor music festival at the same time. We camped with our RV so thankfully there was air conditioning in it, but while we were listening to music and enjoying the aura of crazy Christian hippies, we sweated through our clothes and got caked in dusty mud. I will write more about that later.
Today I was thinking about this hot weather. I hate it. I've always hated it. But, my mom, being who she is, sometimes would make hot days fun for us when we were kids.
We lived in a rented farm house with no air conditioning. So when the weather got into the 90's, she'd take us to the library or the mall to hang out during the hottest part of the day.
We also had an incredible wading pool--a metal water tank for cattle. It was bigger than most wading pools, and deeper too. We'd fill that up and spend hours outside splashing around.
I remember one really great day when we went to the library, and then we came home with all three Star Wars movies. My parents always blocked off the living room and turned on the window air conditioner, so it would make that one room cool enough to live in. So we stayed in that room with our books and legos and other activities, with Return of the Jedi playing in the background. Mom and I worked on these little clay flowers she was using to make a craft. Then, when bed time came, we all brought our blankets and pillows downstairs and camped out on the floor in the living room.
My parents slept up in their room with the baby, since they had an air conditioner in their window. But for me and my brothers, it was party time. I LOVED those hot nights like that. And I always think of it when we have hot days. I sort of miss that simplicity in my life. We just dropped $2500 for a new central AC in our house, since our other one burned out. Maybe we should have sprung for new windows instead and just enjoyed some more nights camping out in the living room.
Today I was thinking about this hot weather. I hate it. I've always hated it. But, my mom, being who she is, sometimes would make hot days fun for us when we were kids.
We lived in a rented farm house with no air conditioning. So when the weather got into the 90's, she'd take us to the library or the mall to hang out during the hottest part of the day.
We also had an incredible wading pool--a metal water tank for cattle. It was bigger than most wading pools, and deeper too. We'd fill that up and spend hours outside splashing around.
I remember one really great day when we went to the library, and then we came home with all three Star Wars movies. My parents always blocked off the living room and turned on the window air conditioner, so it would make that one room cool enough to live in. So we stayed in that room with our books and legos and other activities, with Return of the Jedi playing in the background. Mom and I worked on these little clay flowers she was using to make a craft. Then, when bed time came, we all brought our blankets and pillows downstairs and camped out on the floor in the living room.
My parents slept up in their room with the baby, since they had an air conditioner in their window. But for me and my brothers, it was party time. I LOVED those hot nights like that. And I always think of it when we have hot days. I sort of miss that simplicity in my life. We just dropped $2500 for a new central AC in our house, since our other one burned out. Maybe we should have sprung for new windows instead and just enjoyed some more nights camping out in the living room.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Hey, Crazy Coupon People! Leave Some Deals for ME!
So... I just need to vent this. And it's my blog, so I can. I'm starting to be really annoyed with these crazy coupon hunter people.
I'm all about finding deals. I really am. I always check the coupons and try to save by stocking up when deals are really good.
I do not, however, BUY OUT THE WHOLE STORE JUST BECAUSE I CAN.
And it's really disappointing when I plan to use my one little coupon to get a good deal on one little thing to make for supper this week, only to find that t he crazy coupon people have been at it again, BUYING OUT THE WHOLE STORE. AUUUUGH!
I hope I don't offend anyone here. Because I do have some friends who probably fall into the crazy couponing category. And I love them dearly. And I like what they do. But seriously, folks. Let's draw a line. It isn't FAIR to me, an average consumer, that you peeled off all of the sticky coupons from a product, and you didn't even buy it, and then when I want to buy one or two, I'm totally deprived of the deal I was supposed to be getting as a reward for buying that thing. Let's show some class here.
Here's another thing. Are you really using all of that stuff you get? Did you really need 6 sticks of deodorant? Really?
Well. That's all I have to say. That, and I wish that stupid TLC show had never existed because it's only fueling the fire! I hate that show. I feel sick watching it. And some of those people... I think they need psychological help. Why are we making it into entertainment? (I'm gonna have to say that's true of many reality shows, however.)
All right. Hopefully no one hates me for saying it. It's just my opinion.
I'm all about finding deals. I really am. I always check the coupons and try to save by stocking up when deals are really good.
I do not, however, BUY OUT THE WHOLE STORE JUST BECAUSE I CAN.
And it's really disappointing when I plan to use my one little coupon to get a good deal on one little thing to make for supper this week, only to find that t he crazy coupon people have been at it again, BUYING OUT THE WHOLE STORE. AUUUUGH!
I hope I don't offend anyone here. Because I do have some friends who probably fall into the crazy couponing category. And I love them dearly. And I like what they do. But seriously, folks. Let's draw a line. It isn't FAIR to me, an average consumer, that you peeled off all of the sticky coupons from a product, and you didn't even buy it, and then when I want to buy one or two, I'm totally deprived of the deal I was supposed to be getting as a reward for buying that thing. Let's show some class here.
Here's another thing. Are you really using all of that stuff you get? Did you really need 6 sticks of deodorant? Really?
Well. That's all I have to say. That, and I wish that stupid TLC show had never existed because it's only fueling the fire! I hate that show. I feel sick watching it. And some of those people... I think they need psychological help. Why are we making it into entertainment? (I'm gonna have to say that's true of many reality shows, however.)
All right. Hopefully no one hates me for saying it. It's just my opinion.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Missing my Free Time!
I haven't had any spare time in the last couple of weeks. Things just got really busy for all of us. With summer in full swing. so. What have I been doing?
Mostly, trying to keep up with these guys:
we've spent a lot of time in the wading pool in the back yard this summer. But now it's been raining for two weeks straight, so we're trying to find more interesting things to do.
Like potty training.
Which, by the way, I am terrible at. I will not share the trauma with the whole world. But let's just say I suck.
I also wrote a devotion book for a camp at church. Every year my mother-in-law, along with her team of friends, puts on a theatrical camp. For two weeks 3-8th graders come to church in the morning and learn different parts of theater/acting/set-design/dancing whatever. they put on a play at the end. This year the play is about David and Goliath, so what I wrote corresponded with themes from that. I enjoy writing devotions. For camp, I check their "homework", and I've been teaching their devotion time in camp too. It's been a challenge. But I sort of like it too.
Anyway.
I've also been busy with wedding plans. My sister's getting married in August. She was home and so we had showers and dresses and all of that girl-stuff that comes with weddings. It's been fun, though. Now that she's growing up and we can kind of relate about some more things in life.
My BFF cousin visited too while my sister was here. That was awesome like usual. Becky and I grew up playing in the barn, chasing down cats, fighting with our older siblings, and inventing spy organizations together. It's not nearly as interesting when we hang out now, but I guess that might be good. Although, we have been known to break out in random songs from "The Music Man". but that's a trait almost everyone in my extended family shares.
Overall, life is good. We spend a lot of our free time reading library books and running through the sprinkler.
I spend whatever moment I get to myself writing. Because I love it. And I'm in the middle of a project.
Next week will be just as busy as this one, if not more. And then, my brother and sister-in-law come to town. After four days, we're all going to drive across the state for a Christian music festival together. More to come on that...
Mostly, trying to keep up with these guys:
we've spent a lot of time in the wading pool in the back yard this summer. But now it's been raining for two weeks straight, so we're trying to find more interesting things to do.
Like potty training.
Which, by the way, I am terrible at. I will not share the trauma with the whole world. But let's just say I suck.I also wrote a devotion book for a camp at church. Every year my mother-in-law, along with her team of friends, puts on a theatrical camp. For two weeks 3-8th graders come to church in the morning and learn different parts of theater/acting/set-design/dancing whatever. they put on a play at the end. This year the play is about David and Goliath, so what I wrote corresponded with themes from that. I enjoy writing devotions. For camp, I check their "homework", and I've been teaching their devotion time in camp too. It's been a challenge. But I sort of like it too.
Anyway.
I've also been busy with wedding plans. My sister's getting married in August. She was home and so we had showers and dresses and all of that girl-stuff that comes with weddings. It's been fun, though. Now that she's growing up and we can kind of relate about some more things in life.
My BFF cousin visited too while my sister was here. That was awesome like usual. Becky and I grew up playing in the barn, chasing down cats, fighting with our older siblings, and inventing spy organizations together. It's not nearly as interesting when we hang out now, but I guess that might be good. Although, we have been known to break out in random songs from "The Music Man". but that's a trait almost everyone in my extended family shares.
Overall, life is good. We spend a lot of our free time reading library books and running through the sprinkler.
I spend whatever moment I get to myself writing. Because I love it. And I'm in the middle of a project.
Next week will be just as busy as this one, if not more. And then, my brother and sister-in-law come to town. After four days, we're all going to drive across the state for a Christian music festival together. More to come on that...
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