I was talking to a friend out in DC the other day about the 60's, of all things. Probably anyone who lived during the 60's and 70's would have laughed at our naive, outsider's perspective on all that happened "back then".
She mentioned how you could tell what subculture a person from that time came out of--the hippies, the soldiers, or the Jesus people--by what they're fighting for/against today.
I think it's funny how so many cultural patterns were set then, and how they still influience our thinking today, more so than the generations that followed. My friend was noticing how all of the pastors from that time seem to want to be fighting, but they don't really know what they're fighting anymore. I don't even know what to think of that, but I do think that, a lot of folks who came out of the 60's and 70's have an axe to grind. I didn't notice it in my parents, but I can see it in prominent political figures, disillusioned by their idealism from the 60's, planning to save the world with government now. I can see it in many Christians, too, who think that the Church is actually the problem with Christianity.
And I think, maybe we're in a similar place that those folks were in. Disillusioned with the government, in the midst of a war that so few people support, dissatisfied with the religious establishment. Maybe we're at another breaking point. And maybe we don't realize it. As my friend said, maybe no one realizes that they're in a moment in history that will be studied and analyzed for years to come, when they're in that moment, just living and looking at the present.
Right now, I feel like we're looking at overturned old soil that's grown the last generation's crops, and we're ready to plant something new. All kinds of things can grow there. Between religion, technology, economics and government, I think we're in for a mixed crop. I don't want to be in the free-spirited camp, or the military camp. Or people who are putting their hope in establishments at all. I want to be in with the people following God's lead, establishing the only thing that's going to last. His Kingdom.
Monday, February 28, 2011
I'll Fly Away
So, I've been watching this absolutely amazing TV show called I'll Fly Away. I watched it when i was a kid, back in the early 90's when it was a new show. It's about a family who lived in the south during the civil rights movement. The dad of the home is the district attorney, and struggles with where he stands on different issues, and what battles he should fight. His three kids offer three perspectives--the oldest, open minded and willing to cross lines a little, the middle daughter, a snitty 13-year-old who thinks nothing's a big deal and the world should revolve around her, and the 6-year-old who asks a lot of questions and doesn't understand the ways of the world. Their house worker, a black woman, is also a main character, and we see much of her life and hear her reflections at the end of every episode.
Even as a middle schooler, I would watch the show on Sunday nights, enjoying the drama even when I didn't fully understand it. It changed my perspective then, and I like the show all the more now that I really understand everything. I think everyone would. Forget Roots! This show gives life to all of the stories that we heard whenever we studied the movement in school.
Growing up in the middle of the middle, I just can't even fathom the battle that happened. I can't imagine what it would have been like to stand up, for the first time, and risk being hurt or killed, just because I wanted to be treated with respect.
I wonder, if I'd lived then, what I would have done with my own influence. If I would have even thought much of it, or if I'd have sat back and watched it all unfold without lifting a finger for either camp. I don't know what i would have done. All I know is, having watched a few of these episodes, I have a new respect for those brave people who decided enough was enough--the people who still do it, every day, around the world. And I hope, if the chance ever arises and I have the chance to stand up and fight for something I really believe in, that I'll do it with all of my strength.
Even as a middle schooler, I would watch the show on Sunday nights, enjoying the drama even when I didn't fully understand it. It changed my perspective then, and I like the show all the more now that I really understand everything. I think everyone would. Forget Roots! This show gives life to all of the stories that we heard whenever we studied the movement in school.
Growing up in the middle of the middle, I just can't even fathom the battle that happened. I can't imagine what it would have been like to stand up, for the first time, and risk being hurt or killed, just because I wanted to be treated with respect.
I wonder, if I'd lived then, what I would have done with my own influence. If I would have even thought much of it, or if I'd have sat back and watched it all unfold without lifting a finger for either camp. I don't know what i would have done. All I know is, having watched a few of these episodes, I have a new respect for those brave people who decided enough was enough--the people who still do it, every day, around the world. And I hope, if the chance ever arises and I have the chance to stand up and fight for something I really believe in, that I'll do it with all of my strength.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Infobesity, and fasting from technology
So I read this article today that got me thinking. I shared it on facebook, but I wanted to write something about it quickly here. It was really good (click on the title of this post to see the article), pointing out how we become addicted to our on-the-spot social networks and email and internet, forgetting the world around us. There were a lot of good points there. Basicaly, it came down to "infobesiety":
"Susan Maushart, author of the new book, The Winter of Our Disconnect, describes this kind of addiction to media with the marvelous term “infobesity.” Just as Americans have a growing reputation—if you’ll pardon the pun—for physical obesity, we also have an expanding commitment to staying “connected” through social media such as Facebook and devices such as smart phones."
Interesting? Personally, I'm a little offended when I'm talking with someone and they're checking their phone every five minutes (or seconds), sending texts and really, only half-engaged in what I'm saying. I don't have a smart phone so I can't really say how it should be, but I decided today to make an effort to be less consumed by the internet world, and focus more on God, and connect face-to-face with tangible people more. Because, more often than not, I'm wasting time reading about what someone ate for lunch, when I could be talking to my neighbor about what's in her soul. I don't want to be an addict. It's annoying.
So, here it is, internet world. I'm going to take Wednesdays off. No internet. I'll try it for a month, and hopefully can have enough will power to stick with it even longer. Who wants to join me?
"Susan Maushart, author of the new book, The Winter of Our Disconnect, describes this kind of addiction to media with the marvelous term “infobesity.” Just as Americans have a growing reputation—if you’ll pardon the pun—for physical obesity, we also have an expanding commitment to staying “connected” through social media such as Facebook and devices such as smart phones."
Interesting? Personally, I'm a little offended when I'm talking with someone and they're checking their phone every five minutes (or seconds), sending texts and really, only half-engaged in what I'm saying. I don't have a smart phone so I can't really say how it should be, but I decided today to make an effort to be less consumed by the internet world, and focus more on God, and connect face-to-face with tangible people more. Because, more often than not, I'm wasting time reading about what someone ate for lunch, when I could be talking to my neighbor about what's in her soul. I don't want to be an addict. It's annoying.
So, here it is, internet world. I'm going to take Wednesdays off. No internet. I'll try it for a month, and hopefully can have enough will power to stick with it even longer. Who wants to join me?
Isaiah
I just finished my Bible study for tomorrow. Isaiah is so full of good things. 41-43 are treasures. So meaty. Every verse means something. I really got a lot out of it, so I'm going to have to share. I apologize you non-Bible people.
42:13 The Lord shall go forth like a mighty man; He shall stir up His zeal like a man of war. He shall cry out, yes, shout aloud; He shall prevail against his enemies
I used to have a poster I stole from my brother with that verse on it, hanging on my bedroom wall. It was a really sweet piece of art, with a firey Jesus on a horse trampling out the whispy demons, hidden throughout the picture. I can't really describe it well. But I always liked it. What hit me tonight, reading that, was that He's fighting on my behalf! I don't have to win the war. I just have to trust Him.
43:1b-2 Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you.
My rivers and fires haven't been nearly as terrible or difficult as so many others', but I have seen my share of them. And, as the doubt clouds in and the fear floods my soul in the middle of the night, I've seen this promise over and over. I have never been so overwhelmed that I couldn't reach for Him. I have never been so engulfed in flames that I couldn't see the way out. He loves me.
He called my name, and I came to Him, and I belong to Him. How precious.
43:22,25-26 But you have not called upon me, O Jacob; and you have been wary of me, O Israel... but you have burdened me with your sins, you have waried me with your iniquities. I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins. Put me in remembrance; Let us contend together; State your case, that you may be acquitted.
When I read the part about burdening God with my sins, I felt something in my soul. we've been working on a lot of things lately. And they kind of have been a burden. It was good to read on and know, that he blots out our sin. Not for our sake, but for His, so we can know Him more fully and reflect His light.
There were so many more things. I encourage you to take a look for yourself. Like I said, it's full of great things.
42:13 The Lord shall go forth like a mighty man; He shall stir up His zeal like a man of war. He shall cry out, yes, shout aloud; He shall prevail against his enemies
I used to have a poster I stole from my brother with that verse on it, hanging on my bedroom wall. It was a really sweet piece of art, with a firey Jesus on a horse trampling out the whispy demons, hidden throughout the picture. I can't really describe it well. But I always liked it. What hit me tonight, reading that, was that He's fighting on my behalf! I don't have to win the war. I just have to trust Him.
43:1b-2 Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you.
My rivers and fires haven't been nearly as terrible or difficult as so many others', but I have seen my share of them. And, as the doubt clouds in and the fear floods my soul in the middle of the night, I've seen this promise over and over. I have never been so overwhelmed that I couldn't reach for Him. I have never been so engulfed in flames that I couldn't see the way out. He loves me.
He called my name, and I came to Him, and I belong to Him. How precious.
43:22,25-26 But you have not called upon me, O Jacob; and you have been wary of me, O Israel... but you have burdened me with your sins, you have waried me with your iniquities. I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins. Put me in remembrance; Let us contend together; State your case, that you may be acquitted.
When I read the part about burdening God with my sins, I felt something in my soul. we've been working on a lot of things lately. And they kind of have been a burden. It was good to read on and know, that he blots out our sin. Not for our sake, but for His, so we can know Him more fully and reflect His light.
There were so many more things. I encourage you to take a look for yourself. Like I said, it's full of great things.
Confessions of a Big-Mouthed Woman
I had this strange dream last night, and the details have become hazy but I think that maybe my brainw as trying to tell me something. In my dream, I had had this conversation with my sister-in-law, and then we went on with the day. Later that night, someone (I think her husband) told me that I had wounded her. And I had no idea how. Then I replayed our conversation and realized that I'd said so many hurtful things.
It didn't really happen. Although I'm sure it has, and I haven't realized it.
I'm not the kind of person who chit-chats just for entertainment or to get to know people. I do that out of necessity because it seems to be what women like to do. When i'm talking with someone, I'd rather just relay important information or share what's on our hearts. Small talk isn't my thing.
But I think in small talk, I say all kinds of things that I don't mean. And I don't even realize it until later. Or never. I want to try to reign it in a little. Say fewer things and think more before I talk. It's something me and God have been discussing lately. (Probably the cause of the dream, since it's been on my mind so much).
If I've done this to you, PLEASE know, I'm not trying to be a jerk. Probably I just said something that came out wrong and I didn't even realize it. Tell me. I'll give you a sincere apology. Tell me if you hear me do it to someone else, for that matter. I'm kind of dense.
It didn't really happen. Although I'm sure it has, and I haven't realized it.
I'm not the kind of person who chit-chats just for entertainment or to get to know people. I do that out of necessity because it seems to be what women like to do. When i'm talking with someone, I'd rather just relay important information or share what's on our hearts. Small talk isn't my thing.
But I think in small talk, I say all kinds of things that I don't mean. And I don't even realize it until later. Or never. I want to try to reign it in a little. Say fewer things and think more before I talk. It's something me and God have been discussing lately. (Probably the cause of the dream, since it's been on my mind so much).
If I've done this to you, PLEASE know, I'm not trying to be a jerk. Probably I just said something that came out wrong and I didn't even realize it. Tell me. I'll give you a sincere apology. Tell me if you hear me do it to someone else, for that matter. I'm kind of dense.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Open Mouth
Insert foot.
No matter how old I get, how sensitive I think I'm being, how careful I am, I still have a big mouth. And I'm afraid I always will.
No matter how old I get, how sensitive I think I'm being, how careful I am, I still have a big mouth. And I'm afraid I always will.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
Another winter Story
I was born in Northeast Montana in one of the backwoods hospitals, in the middle of the worst snow storm anyone had seen in years. during my first few days, the snow drifts in the country grew to be ten feet tall. The plow tried to go through, but it broke and turned around, not to return for weeks.
My parents decided to take me out to the farm, where my grandparents were, where my brother was probably waiting to meet his sister. they couldn't drive all the way there, though. They met my grandpa there at the biggest snow drift with a snowmobile. They had me in a little box, wrapped up in blankets, so sure enough, they drove me the last couple of miles on a snowmobile. Four days old. Freezing cold.
That's where I'm from. Maybe that's why I like snow storms.
My parents decided to take me out to the farm, where my grandparents were, where my brother was probably waiting to meet his sister. they couldn't drive all the way there, though. They met my grandpa there at the biggest snow drift with a snowmobile. They had me in a little box, wrapped up in blankets, so sure enough, they drove me the last couple of miles on a snowmobile. Four days old. Freezing cold.
That's where I'm from. Maybe that's why I like snow storms.
Friday, January 28, 2011
JJ
Happy Birthday to my whirlwind daughter,
The Stinky-Pants Wonder
Sister indeed
Strong spirited, iron willed
tough-as-nails
Monster hair
Reckless snuggler
Joy of my heart.
Bringer of victory.
Evidence of God's grace,
poured abundantly on our lives
Sunday, January 23, 2011
pain and purpose
I apologize for the depressing posts lately. I have one more. Then I think I'll just keep it all bottled up inside after that.
So, I've always liked winter, and it hasn't ever been a super depressing struggle for me to get through. Until three years ago. That year winter lasted for-EVER. Even when it was over, it was still there. It was a long one on the records, and cold and snowy and just depressing for someone who was dealing with grief. And I sat at home a lot, wallowing in sorrow and tears.
Ever since then it hits me around this time of year. I can't figure out if it will ever stop. And like I've said before, I'm not sure I want it to because it's the only little piece I have of my Gracie.
Last week they did a skit for "sanctity of life" Sunday. It was supposed to be this girl who was getting ready to go to earth, and she peeked at her plan that had been written in the book of lives, how she would become a lawyer and raise kids, etc. But then at the end, there was a little note that said, "Although a beautiful plan has been written for her life, it will not come to pass." Then we realized that something on earth had happened, something bad, and she wouldn't make it there....
It was supposed to be an affirmation that life is precious and we should be supporting efforts of people who want to preserve babies' lives.
All I heard was, "Although your baby had a beautiful plan written for her life, it didn't happen."
Yeah. Perfect timing.
Daniel said he cried every time he saw it (he was on the praise band so he saw it four times) and didn't realize til the last time that that was why. Our little baby. Something went wrong. Something I had no control over. And so many pieces of me will always have questions and hurt and doubts. And no one wanted it to be this way.
So. If you see me crying during songs at church or looking a little "blue", just remember. January 29th. Written forever in my heart.
So, I've always liked winter, and it hasn't ever been a super depressing struggle for me to get through. Until three years ago. That year winter lasted for-EVER. Even when it was over, it was still there. It was a long one on the records, and cold and snowy and just depressing for someone who was dealing with grief. And I sat at home a lot, wallowing in sorrow and tears.
Ever since then it hits me around this time of year. I can't figure out if it will ever stop. And like I've said before, I'm not sure I want it to because it's the only little piece I have of my Gracie.
Last week they did a skit for "sanctity of life" Sunday. It was supposed to be this girl who was getting ready to go to earth, and she peeked at her plan that had been written in the book of lives, how she would become a lawyer and raise kids, etc. But then at the end, there was a little note that said, "Although a beautiful plan has been written for her life, it will not come to pass." Then we realized that something on earth had happened, something bad, and she wouldn't make it there....
It was supposed to be an affirmation that life is precious and we should be supporting efforts of people who want to preserve babies' lives.
All I heard was, "Although your baby had a beautiful plan written for her life, it didn't happen."
Yeah. Perfect timing.
Daniel said he cried every time he saw it (he was on the praise band so he saw it four times) and didn't realize til the last time that that was why. Our little baby. Something went wrong. Something I had no control over. And so many pieces of me will always have questions and hurt and doubts. And no one wanted it to be this way.
So. If you see me crying during songs at church or looking a little "blue", just remember. January 29th. Written forever in my heart.
Friday, January 21, 2011
and I know
That the world doesn't revolve around me
that everyone had legitimate reasons for not being able to hang out
that it doesn't matter anyway
that I have lots of really great friends
that my life is so great and I shouldn't complain.
I'm going to blame it on being husband-less all week. And the weather.
that everyone had legitimate reasons for not being able to hang out
that it doesn't matter anyway
that I have lots of really great friends
that my life is so great and I shouldn't complain.
I'm going to blame it on being husband-less all week. And the weather.
Loser
No matter how old I get and what changes in life, I still find myself, so very often, dressed up with no place to go. Throwing parties that no one comes to. Not invited to the ones everyone else is going to. Introducing my friends to each other and finding that they like each other better than me.
Saying or doing something that a friend doesn't like and never hearing from them again.
Apparently I'm just not that fun to hang out with.
And today I'm freaking lonely. And I just wanted to go to a movie with some friends, but, out of at least twenty people, only two could come. And then those two had to change their plans.
And I'm alone.
Saying or doing something that a friend doesn't like and never hearing from them again.
Apparently I'm just not that fun to hang out with.
And today I'm freaking lonely. And I just wanted to go to a movie with some friends, but, out of at least twenty people, only two could come. And then those two had to change their plans.
And I'm alone.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Lost in Space
Warning: this post contains nothing but complaining. Depression may ensue if you read on.
Ugh. I haven't recovered from "The Holidays" yet.
I think it's getting worse. Maybe it's seasonal affective disorder, or just lack of sunshine in general. Maybe it's some other chemical imbalance.
I'm tired all the time. The 2 year old wakes up at least once a night now, even though she could sleep through the night, she's reprogrammed herself some how. Ugh.
I wander around like a zombie. The last few days I feel like have been a haze. I'm doing the stuff I have scheduled, but I just don't really feel much. Except being annoyed and irritable. Which is great.
And I've been feeling like a complete failure in so many ways. Even if I tell myself it isn't true or it doesn't matter, I still feel like I suck at everything. And, I sort of do.
I guess it's just a "desert time". I have things to learn about myself and new mercies to experience and good things are still happening, but I'm weary. And that's just how it feels today. Maybe tonight I'll sleep well and it will all be OK tomorrow.
Ugh. I haven't recovered from "The Holidays" yet.
I think it's getting worse. Maybe it's seasonal affective disorder, or just lack of sunshine in general. Maybe it's some other chemical imbalance.
I'm tired all the time. The 2 year old wakes up at least once a night now, even though she could sleep through the night, she's reprogrammed herself some how. Ugh.
I wander around like a zombie. The last few days I feel like have been a haze. I'm doing the stuff I have scheduled, but I just don't really feel much. Except being annoyed and irritable. Which is great.
And I've been feeling like a complete failure in so many ways. Even if I tell myself it isn't true or it doesn't matter, I still feel like I suck at everything. And, I sort of do.
I guess it's just a "desert time". I have things to learn about myself and new mercies to experience and good things are still happening, but I'm weary. And that's just how it feels today. Maybe tonight I'll sleep well and it will all be OK tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Letting Go
I let my daughter stay the night at the neighbor's house tonight. She's only stayed with grandparents before. Definitely harder on Mommy than on her.
This is what letting go feels like
little by little bit by bit
a hug and a kiss and a wave over the shoulder
and then a shrug or nothing
and you'll walk out that door
And a little part of me is sad
and it wants to hold you here forever
with your sweet smile
and your hand in mine
But most of me knows I just have to face it
that little girls grow up
and this is what letting go feels like
losing a little piece of perfection
a moment that can never return
while I am reminded
and you have to learn
that the wonderful world
is full of darkness and danger
and I can't always keep you safe
even while beauty flourishes and little lights still shine
you have to know who you can trust.
And I don't want to do it
not now or ever
i tell myself you aren't ready
while you tell me you are.
and this is what letting go feels like
taking these hearts so easily broken
and putting them into Bigger Hands
while the dangers and darkness swirl around us
while the tides and cultures change
in the midst of time
while I can still hold your tiny hand in mine
I will teach you to let your little light shine.
This is what letting go feels like
little by little bit by bit
a hug and a kiss and a wave over the shoulder
and then a shrug or nothing
and you'll walk out that door
And a little part of me is sad
and it wants to hold you here forever
with your sweet smile
and your hand in mine
But most of me knows I just have to face it
that little girls grow up
and this is what letting go feels like
losing a little piece of perfection
a moment that can never return
while I am reminded
and you have to learn
that the wonderful world
is full of darkness and danger
and I can't always keep you safe
even while beauty flourishes and little lights still shine
you have to know who you can trust.
And I don't want to do it
not now or ever
i tell myself you aren't ready
while you tell me you are.
and this is what letting go feels like
taking these hearts so easily broken
and putting them into Bigger Hands
while the dangers and darkness swirl around us
while the tides and cultures change
in the midst of time
while I can still hold your tiny hand in mine
I will teach you to let your little light shine.
Friday, December 31, 2010
New Years Eve
when I was in high school, I started a tradition of writing in my journal every New Year's. I'd go through each month and mention something significant that happened.
This year, there was hardly anything significant. The year seems to have blurred into my husband being busy with work and having deployment dates pushed back three times, and endless days with the kids taking me on a roller coaster of every feeling they feel. Looking back its hard to even find any positive monuments in 2010. There were plenty of happy times and joyous moments, but the milestones this year were a different kind.
I joined an in depth Bible study in Feburary, studying the book of John. It was amazing to see things in a different light, things I'd studied and even memorized years earlier. I learned new things about the Holy Spirit and His role in my life, and about the way God views us as His sheep.
In March I enjoyed two getaways, one to the Women of Faith conference in Des Moines, and the other to Tennessee to visit my sister at college.
In the spring I tried my second attempt at gardening, yielding a very small harvest but learned a lot along the way.
The summer was another re-write of four weddings and a funeral (round 2, if you remember back a few years). This time it was family getting married. we enjoyed three beautiful weddings. Both of my husband's cousins who live in town hitched up this year, along with brother #4.
The funeral, of course was Grandma's. I still think about her. Just yesterday I found a picture at my mom's house of her in her crazy folding hat that she wore the last time she went to the parade with us. She was beautiful, and I hope that my life has half of the impact hers did on the world.
My brother deployed, which has made for many times with the empty chair at the family's table staring at us all. I miss him, and worry about him and find myself terribly concerned for his mental and physical welbeing.
Late in the fall, we made a big step on our house project by closing the building permit on the attic remodel. It's been an eternal project, and it still isn't finished. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm eager to begin 2011. I think the political state of the country is going to continue to be a big issue, and I'm fully expecting everything to get worse than it already is. But, in our little world, there are many joys and wonders to still to experience.
Earlier today Daniel played an old Twila Paris song on the guitar, "God is in control". I felt the truth deep in my heart.
Happy New year everyone! I love you all, whether I know you or not. Thanks for reading!
This year, there was hardly anything significant. The year seems to have blurred into my husband being busy with work and having deployment dates pushed back three times, and endless days with the kids taking me on a roller coaster of every feeling they feel. Looking back its hard to even find any positive monuments in 2010. There were plenty of happy times and joyous moments, but the milestones this year were a different kind.
I joined an in depth Bible study in Feburary, studying the book of John. It was amazing to see things in a different light, things I'd studied and even memorized years earlier. I learned new things about the Holy Spirit and His role in my life, and about the way God views us as His sheep.
In March I enjoyed two getaways, one to the Women of Faith conference in Des Moines, and the other to Tennessee to visit my sister at college.
In the spring I tried my second attempt at gardening, yielding a very small harvest but learned a lot along the way.
The summer was another re-write of four weddings and a funeral (round 2, if you remember back a few years). This time it was family getting married. we enjoyed three beautiful weddings. Both of my husband's cousins who live in town hitched up this year, along with brother #4.
The funeral, of course was Grandma's. I still think about her. Just yesterday I found a picture at my mom's house of her in her crazy folding hat that she wore the last time she went to the parade with us. She was beautiful, and I hope that my life has half of the impact hers did on the world.
My brother deployed, which has made for many times with the empty chair at the family's table staring at us all. I miss him, and worry about him and find myself terribly concerned for his mental and physical welbeing.
Late in the fall, we made a big step on our house project by closing the building permit on the attic remodel. It's been an eternal project, and it still isn't finished. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm eager to begin 2011. I think the political state of the country is going to continue to be a big issue, and I'm fully expecting everything to get worse than it already is. But, in our little world, there are many joys and wonders to still to experience.
Earlier today Daniel played an old Twila Paris song on the guitar, "God is in control". I felt the truth deep in my heart.
This is no time for fear
This is a time for faith and determination
Don't lose the vision here
Carried away by emotion
Hold on to all that you hide in your heart
There is one thing that has always been true
It holds the world together
God is in control
We believe that His children will not be forsaken
God is in control
We will choose to remember and never be shaken
There is no power above or beside Him, we know
God is in control, oh God is in control
History marches on
There is a bottom line drawn across the ages
Culture can make its plan
Oh, but the line never changes
No matter how the deception may fly
There is one thing that has always been true
It will be true forever
He has never let you down
Why start to worry now?
He is still the Lord of all we see
And He is still the loving Father
Watching over you and me
watching over you...watching over me..
watching over every things..
watching over you..watching over me..
every little sparrow..every little things...
Happy New year everyone! I love you all, whether I know you or not. Thanks for reading!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Christmastime
We've been busy the last few weeks. I'm kind of ready for things to settle down, but given hubby's work schedule, that's not going to happen for a while. But, here's what we've been up to (not in chronological order):
JJ's first Christmas opening presents. She wasn't too excited about it. I'd give her a gift and she'd say "noo." Then I'd open it and she'd grab the toy from me and forget what we were doing.
Black velvet jumpers $2.99 each. Red shirts=hand me downs Matching girls smiling for a picture=priceless. (This was before teh Christmas Eve service).
We made a gingerbread house together a few weeks before Christmas. You can't see a lot of details in this, but that's probably really good. We went with the Aldi's brand this year.
#1 Made a manger scene with her stuffed animals. There's a tiny baby Jesus in the middle. The doll is Mary and the cocker spaniel is Joseph I guess.
Christmas program at church. This was the last year dressing up as little angels. She LOVED it and actually sang this year. "Ring those bells, ring those bells..." That's her BFF to the front right, and two friends' boys on the left. And a pastor's kid on her direct right. It was awesome. I LOVE watching kids sing even if mine isn't up there.
You might notice #2 isn't really in most of these. That's because she's hard to take pictures of. And she mostly just whine and throws fits when we're trying to do activities, rather than participate. Since she's not even 2 yet.
There would be more but I haven't pilfered my sister's camera yet, so I guess that's all for now. Merry Christmas everyone!
JJ's first Christmas opening presents. She wasn't too excited about it. I'd give her a gift and she'd say "noo." Then I'd open it and she'd grab the toy from me and forget what we were doing.
Black velvet jumpers $2.99 each. Red shirts=hand me downs Matching girls smiling for a picture=priceless. (This was before teh Christmas Eve service).
We made a gingerbread house together a few weeks before Christmas. You can't see a lot of details in this, but that's probably really good. We went with the Aldi's brand this year.
#1 Made a manger scene with her stuffed animals. There's a tiny baby Jesus in the middle. The doll is Mary and the cocker spaniel is Joseph I guess.
Christmas program at church. This was the last year dressing up as little angels. She LOVED it and actually sang this year. "Ring those bells, ring those bells..." That's her BFF to the front right, and two friends' boys on the left. And a pastor's kid on her direct right. It was awesome. I LOVE watching kids sing even if mine isn't up there.You might notice #2 isn't really in most of these. That's because she's hard to take pictures of. And she mostly just whine and throws fits when we're trying to do activities, rather than participate. Since she's not even 2 yet.
There would be more but I haven't pilfered my sister's camera yet, so I guess that's all for now. Merry Christmas everyone!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
What the Heck
Just feel like saying this. Why is it, after like FIVE years of having something posted up on this blog, I am just NOW getting hits and comments about it??
Monday, December 20, 2010
Baby Born to Die
It's been busy around here lately. I'm hoping things slow down soon. I think they should this week. Christmas plans are coming together. My sister gets home tomorrow from Tennessee, and my older brother might actually be able to come home too. He still doesn't know. My family might still go to Montana, though, depending on what the brother does.
I have my packages and cards sent, and just a couple more presents to purchase. This year my in-laws decided to spend time together instead of getting gifts, so we're traveling up to a resort in Wisconsin for a couple of days after Christmas. The kids will play in water parks and we'll hang out together. It should be fun.
Every year there's some song that really captures what I've thought about, and that I don't get sick of hearing after two times. This year I've listened to Bebo Norman's Christmas album a lot. I love his voice and the quiet folk sound, and I love that he uses hammered dulcimer and mandolins, and changes songs into nifty little tunes. There are two songs I like best out of his originals. This one kind of captures it for me. What Christmas means somewhere in my heart, beyond warm feelings and family time and little candies and cookies and wrapping papers and awesome movies. I have to dig it out of there and really think on it, but this helps me do it.
I have my packages and cards sent, and just a couple more presents to purchase. This year my in-laws decided to spend time together instead of getting gifts, so we're traveling up to a resort in Wisconsin for a couple of days after Christmas. The kids will play in water parks and we'll hang out together. It should be fun.
Every year there's some song that really captures what I've thought about, and that I don't get sick of hearing after two times. This year I've listened to Bebo Norman's Christmas album a lot. I love his voice and the quiet folk sound, and I love that he uses hammered dulcimer and mandolins, and changes songs into nifty little tunes. There are two songs I like best out of his originals. This one kind of captures it for me. What Christmas means somewhere in my heart, beyond warm feelings and family time and little candies and cookies and wrapping papers and awesome movies. I have to dig it out of there and really think on it, but this helps me do it.
They never knew a dark night
always had the Son's light
on their face
Perfect in glory
Broken by the story
of untold grace...
come that day
Majesty had come down
Glory had succumbed now
to flesh and bone
In the arms of a manger
In the hands of strangers
that could not know
Just who they hold
Chorus:
And the angels filled the sky
All of heaven wondered why
Why their King would choose to be
Be a baby born to die
And all fell silent
For the cry of an infant,
the voice of God
Was dividing history
For those with eyes to see,
the Son would shine
From earth that night
Chorus
Bridge:
To break the chains
Of guilt and sin
To find us here
To pull us in
So we can join in Heaven's song
And with one voice around the throne
Chorus:
All the Angels filled the sky
And I can't help but wonder why
Why this King would choose to be
Be a baby born for me
Be a baby born
Be a baby born to die
Saturday, December 11, 2010
A Winter Tale
I was probably seven years old. We lived in a farm house that my folks rented. While we used the home and the yard, the farm around us operated by Ed Hynek and his family. We were used to having livestock on the property. Dad used the old chicken coop to raise his own goats, and we had a dog. Otherwise, the rest of the livestock was owned and taken care of by the landlord.
On a night after another storm had ripped through, dropping a foot of snow and temperatures down to the zeros, we all stayed in the warm little house together watching movies.
Then the landlord called. He'd asked my dad if he could take care of the animals, since he was snowed in behind drifts.
Mom had kept us inside all through the storm and the next day, saying it was too cold to go out. But now, Dad had said we could go help feed the cows with him. We bundled up in everything we had--extra pants, socks and shirts. Then snow boots, snow pants, thickest coats, mittens and hats. A hood on top of that. And a scarf to tie it all down.
A lot of the details have faded in my memory, but I'll always remember how still and quiet it was. And the stars were out in the black sky, and there was nothing to see or hear in that stillness but snow. It crunched under our feet while we tromped to the barn.
And then the welcoming scent of animals, and the windbreak of the giant white barn. There were two or three barns on the property but we weren't ever allowed to go inside of them. This was the cow barn. Today we climbed up the ladder to the hay loft, and Dad hoisted a couple of hay bails down to the cows below.
I don't know why I remember it so much. Just how cool it was that we were even outside, with negative thirty temps was amazing enough. And then I got to see my dad be something he normally wasn't. It's cool when someone has these hidden talents and smarts that most of the world doesn't get to know about. Mom told me that Ed liked having us live at the house because Dad knew how to handle animals.
Something about these winter storms and the still cold nights that follow always remind me of that first one I remember, bundled up from head to toe, face against the wind, headed to the white barn with my dad and brother. It makes me warm inside, even while I shiver.
On a night after another storm had ripped through, dropping a foot of snow and temperatures down to the zeros, we all stayed in the warm little house together watching movies.
Then the landlord called. He'd asked my dad if he could take care of the animals, since he was snowed in behind drifts.
Mom had kept us inside all through the storm and the next day, saying it was too cold to go out. But now, Dad had said we could go help feed the cows with him. We bundled up in everything we had--extra pants, socks and shirts. Then snow boots, snow pants, thickest coats, mittens and hats. A hood on top of that. And a scarf to tie it all down.
A lot of the details have faded in my memory, but I'll always remember how still and quiet it was. And the stars were out in the black sky, and there was nothing to see or hear in that stillness but snow. It crunched under our feet while we tromped to the barn.
And then the welcoming scent of animals, and the windbreak of the giant white barn. There were two or three barns on the property but we weren't ever allowed to go inside of them. This was the cow barn. Today we climbed up the ladder to the hay loft, and Dad hoisted a couple of hay bails down to the cows below.
I don't know why I remember it so much. Just how cool it was that we were even outside, with negative thirty temps was amazing enough. And then I got to see my dad be something he normally wasn't. It's cool when someone has these hidden talents and smarts that most of the world doesn't get to know about. Mom told me that Ed liked having us live at the house because Dad knew how to handle animals.
Something about these winter storms and the still cold nights that follow always remind me of that first one I remember, bundled up from head to toe, face against the wind, headed to the white barn with my dad and brother. It makes me warm inside, even while I shiver.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Christmas is coming!
I'm not the sort of person who becomes a sappy basket case over Christmas. I haven't been on the edge of my seat since October, waiting to throw in the holiday CD's (still haven't pulled them out), or bringing up boxes of decorations (haven't pulled them out either). But I love it for the simple pleasures, and really don't care about most of the things the general population thinks are so great. So, here are some ways I plan to enjoy this "season".
Church - I just like being at church this time of year and thinking about Christ and the beauty of His Mystery revealed to us.
Packages - I like putting together packages, and this year we have the usual overseas relatives, along with my little brother. Today I got the idea to send him a miniature Christmas tree to decorate (along with xbox controller, candy and hand warmers)
Giving - We have several opportunities this year to get gifts for families who need them. Our class at church is collecting a giant Christmas dinner and gifts for a whole family. And our church is participating in The Advent Conspiracy again this year, which is really awesome. Maybe I'll write more about that another time.
The Missionary Tree - We're doing something new this year, with our little 3-foot tree. I had different missionaries we know and support send a memento from their country, and we're going to use them to decorate the little tree. I also got a garland with globes on it and some extra ornaments with Bible verses. I'm hoping it will be a good thing for the kids to remember our missionaries who they never see. And for me to remember to pray for them.
Decorating - We don't go crazy, but I like to haul out the small decorations we have because they're all full of memories. Plus, it's a great excuse to get organized with the rest of the house and clean it all up. Yesterday I cleaned out the corners of our living room, where things accumulate for no reason.
Poetry - It's not like there are books full of Christmas poetry, at least not ones I enjoy, but I do like to listen to the words of songs and appreciate the deeper meaning behind them. Really, if I made a confession, I'd say how much I HATE Christmas music, but that's mostly because it's nine songs played over and over in whatever genre and mutilation is conceivable. This year, I'll be reading some Tennyson to try and find a good Christmas poem.
Cold Weather - That's about all there is to say about it. I just love it. and all the things it comes with (except for putting up stupid shrink wrap over the windows). Hot chocolate, fireplaces, sweaters, mittens, rosy cheeks, shivering. Scraping the windows. Snow. LOVE IT.
Well I'm sure there are more things, but that's my list right now. What about you? What do you love to do at Christmastime?
Packages - I like putting together packages, and this year we have the usual overseas relatives, along with my little brother. Today I got the idea to send him a miniature Christmas tree to decorate (along with xbox controller, candy and hand warmers)
Giving - We have several opportunities this year to get gifts for families who need them. Our class at church is collecting a giant Christmas dinner and gifts for a whole family. And our church is participating in The Advent Conspiracy again this year, which is really awesome. Maybe I'll write more about that another time.
The Missionary Tree - We're doing something new this year, with our little 3-foot tree. I had different missionaries we know and support send a memento from their country, and we're going to use them to decorate the little tree. I also got a garland with globes on it and some extra ornaments with Bible verses. I'm hoping it will be a good thing for the kids to remember our missionaries who they never see. And for me to remember to pray for them.
Decorating - We don't go crazy, but I like to haul out the small decorations we have because they're all full of memories. Plus, it's a great excuse to get organized with the rest of the house and clean it all up. Yesterday I cleaned out the corners of our living room, where things accumulate for no reason.
Poetry - It's not like there are books full of Christmas poetry, at least not ones I enjoy, but I do like to listen to the words of songs and appreciate the deeper meaning behind them. Really, if I made a confession, I'd say how much I HATE Christmas music, but that's mostly because it's nine songs played over and over in whatever genre and mutilation is conceivable. This year, I'll be reading some Tennyson to try and find a good Christmas poem.
Cold Weather - That's about all there is to say about it. I just love it. and all the things it comes with (except for putting up stupid shrink wrap over the windows). Hot chocolate, fireplaces, sweaters, mittens, rosy cheeks, shivering. Scraping the windows. Snow. LOVE IT.
Well I'm sure there are more things, but that's my list right now. What about you? What do you love to do at Christmastime?
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thanksgiving
Yesterday I didn't get a chance to post, on account of being a tthe in-laws all day. I'm so blessed. My family gets to join my in-laws so I don't have to be torn between the two families for Thanksgiving. We had a really nice time this year. The food was good, as usual. But of course, the company we kept was the best. It was a little more sparse this year, but I really enjoyed having time with everyone.
Missed my brothers like nuts. I miss Nathan and Shelly of course, but I've gotten used to their being gone. I really missed my little brother. I cried a lot. In the shower first thing that morning, realizing I would go and watch the parade at my folks' house all alone.
Then we sang at the in-laws, and he's always there every year during hymn time and requests a few songs. I bawled through "When the Roll is Called Up Yonder" because it's always been one of his favorite.
I missed him again today. It's just a lonely feeling when someone who's always been a part of your life isn't there. Harder yet when you know he could die any day. (Hes in Afghanistan in the middle of nowhere and doesn't have showers or computers or internet access or phones. It sucks).
So. That was Thanksgiving. But I had a really good time being with everyone, and I love them all.
Missed my brothers like nuts. I miss Nathan and Shelly of course, but I've gotten used to their being gone. I really missed my little brother. I cried a lot. In the shower first thing that morning, realizing I would go and watch the parade at my folks' house all alone.
Then we sang at the in-laws, and he's always there every year during hymn time and requests a few songs. I bawled through "When the Roll is Called Up Yonder" because it's always been one of his favorite.
I missed him again today. It's just a lonely feeling when someone who's always been a part of your life isn't there. Harder yet when you know he could die any day. (Hes in Afghanistan in the middle of nowhere and doesn't have showers or computers or internet access or phones. It sucks).
So. That was Thanksgiving. But I had a really good time being with everyone, and I love them all.
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