Never Leave Child Unattended

We've been potty training a little at our house. It's very half-hearted on my part because I don't feel like putting the energy into it myself, and I think if I wait long enough Arlene will figure it out on her own. She's doing a pretty good job.
But recently I noticed that her little potty chair has a note on the top of the seat that says "Never Leave Child Unattended". I find that really funny. First of all, becuse it would be fairly difficult for her to hurt herself on the tiny chair. Secondly, because what parent would leave a naked child who's learning about poopoo and peepee to her own devices? I think it goes without saying that you don't want to leave your child unattended.
But there are those...

Every Girl's Dream

I wasn't the sort of girl who dreamed about raising my own family my whole life. I didn't really want kids until I was holding Arlene in my arms, to be honest. But I sort of figured it was inevitable, what with getting married and all. Something that I did sort of dream of, though, in my years growing up with a couple of close girl friends, was our having kids who could grow up together just like we did.
It doesn't happen a lot. Other things get in the way. I got married several years before any of my friends did. They were finishing college and pursuing careers when I was having kids. Some of them aren't married yet. Sadly, I had Arlene alone in the girlfriend world. (we've since met some friends who have kids about the same age). But I got an extra blessing with Jayna, besides just being able to have her.
My best friend Bethany (I have several best friends, so don't anyone go and get offended) got pregnant at the same time I did. We had the same due date. It was great! So we got to exchange pregnant stories and compare our bellies. And now, we'll get to compare our kids and exchange stories about them. She named her baby Lydia Joy.
Our birthdays are two weeks apart exactly (she was born the year after me), and our kids' birthdays are one week apart exactly. It's not a really big deal, but I think it's great. Even if our kids hate each other, I still think it's cool that we got to share that.

Night Time Soliloquy--The Lord's New Thing

Now that my baby has been born, I've been reflecting on God's promises and power and soverignty and how it all worked together in my life through my pregnancy. For the first and second trimester, I worried a lot. I'd wake up at night to use the bathroom, and if I came back and couldn't feel the baby moving, I'd lie awake, waiting, and worrying what would happen. I'd pray that everything would be OK and that I could trust God, but I don't think I was really trusting Him.
But one night He reminded me of a verse that I've been familiar with for a while. I'd rediscovered it in my Bible study, and it had applied to my pregnancy. so after that night when I remembered it, I would quote it in my mind whenever I worried. It would help me get to sleep.
Isaiah 43:18-19 "Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing. It shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."
Well, the new thing has come. After all those nights of remembering the former things and worrying that I would relive them, I'm now living in the new. Not that I'll ever forget Grace and all that happened, but I can praise Him and rejoice that the story wasn't over after she died.
He's done a new thing. It's beautiful to me, the healing that has come through Jayna. New love, new clothes, new ways of doing things. New things all around.

Jayna

I stumbled across the name in a names book, and it said the meaning for Jayna is "God has been gracious". I thought it was really fitting after the year we've had to praise the Lord for His gifts to us--not just children (although we feel that our bundle is beautiful evidence of His grace)--but all of the other wonderful things that we've experienced, despite the grief and sorrow. Plus, it's a pretty name.

Another source I just looked at said that the meaning for Jayna is "Bringer of victory", which is also sort of fitting. Through the pregnancy, I felt a lot of dispair and worry, wondering if everything would be OK and thinking about what would happen to my faith and my life if I lost another baby. In some ways, her birth was victory over those fears and again, evidence that God is in control and is faithful.

We chose the name Joy as a middle name for semi-obvious reasons. We have already found great joy in her precious little life. And not just shallow joy, but the God-joy that fills our lives and takes us through hard times. Our pastor came to pray with us before we had the baby (and before we'd shared the name), and he prayed that the joy of the Lord would be our strenth. It has, and it always will be. And Jayna is a reminder of that strength that brought us through the hardest year of our lives.

New Baby

Facebook won't let me log in so hopefully this will post as a note for all of you who are wondering.
The baby is fine. Delivery was good, but now I have a spinal headache and I have to lie down or it gets really bad, so I'm not really up for communicating over the internet.
I'll write more later. for now, let me introduce our little one

Jayna (God has been gracious) Joy Snodgrass
born at 5:24 pm January 28th, 2009
7 lbs 20 inches (she likes having even measurements)

Pictures to come later when this blasted headache goes away. Thanks to everyone for your prayers and love.

Remembering.

I had a discussion with my friend recently about how to remember the birthday of a lost baby. I didn't really have any good ideas about what to do in honor of that baby or how to make it memorable without being too emotional. I still don't, and to be honest, I'm sort of glad I'm not going to have to think about it too much this year. I'll be spending Grace's birthday in the hospital.
I prayed that I could have the baby before or after her birthday so that it wouldn't be the same day (the 29th). My c-section got scheduled for the 28th, so at least this baby will have her own birthday. But I'm not sure how to feel about it, just that little piece. I'll be so happy to have this baby and love her.
But I can't not remember. And I know I'll be remembering the one who would have been, as I hold the one who wouldn't have. Maybe that's a taste of the fulfillment Jesus brought to Isreal, because I can relate with the words of Isaiah: "...to bring beauty for ashes... the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness that they may be called trees of righteousness the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified." (Is. 61:3)

Updates

I know not everyone cares to know this information, but some people I don't talk to regularly like to know what's going on, so I thought I'd just put out an update on my pregnancy.

I'm 36 weeks along now. Since 30 weeks, I've been having an ultrasound every week at the OB and seeing the doctor. They wanted to monitor things closely because of previous events, and because I'm on blood thinners. So I do that every Monday, and on Thursdays I take a jaunt to the hospital and have a non stress test to make sure the baby's doing OK.

Today at my appointment, we scheduled a c-section. I'd wanted to try and have a vaginal delivery (v-bac), but given several factors my doctor really recommended against it. There are a lot of details involved there, but mostly the blood thinner thing and a couple other things made us decide to go the surgery route. Unless, of course, baby decides to poke out before the day and do it head first (she's currently breech).

That's really all there is to say right now. Yes, we've actually got a name narrowed down, and no, I won't tell you what it is. Our house isn't ready for another baby, but we can make-shift it for a while until the attic gets finished. If anyone has an overwhelming desire to put up drywall or do some mudding, give me a call. :o)

Otherwise, things are good around here. Lots of good news from friends and exciting things coming up this year!

To Newsletter or to not. (Happy 2009)

We decided to not.
The one year I wasn't pregnant and got around to doing a newsletter was great. I like sending them out to our distant friends and relatives and catching them up on things. While I considered the idea for 2008, I realized that there haven't been any major events worthy of newsletter-type news. So I'll just make a little recap, in case there are readers who are interested in what's been going on.

January - said goodbye to our best friends (who happen to be relatives) leaving for missions; said goodbye to our baby daughter Grace. Discovered I have a genetic mutation that causes blood clots, which increase risks in pregnancy.

Feb - March Shoveled snow.

April - Took a nice little away trip to Baraboo, WI, stayed in a great bed and breakfast and rode roller coasters and bumper cars and go carts. Without kids. :o) (That was probably the highlight of the year for me).

May - Mostly did my best to hide out at home and avoid people. Found out we were pregnant (I think. It might have been in June). Also discovered a second gene mutation unrelated to the first one, which also causes blood clotting. It's a miracle Arlene came out like she did. (And, I must add through the year, she was a source of great joy and wonder as we watched her develop a personality and start being able to communicate better.)

June - Two cousins, a youth pastor, and a Czech exchange student visited for a few days. Attempted to save my parents' basement from the raging Cedar River Flood, which overtook our city and left a lot of damage. Fortunately, my parents' basement has recovered. Some of the things that were down there... not so much. A few things are still MIA meaning we aren't sure if we threw them out or put them somewhere else before it flooded. That water was nasty.



July-August Daniel spent most of his free time helping out with flood recovery. I went to Montana with a sick 1 1/2 year old and my parents. Will not do again without Daniel along. But I did enjoy the fair with my cousins and got to hang out with my grandparents, which is always good.

September-Oct - Daniel worked. A lot. I kept busy with regular home stuff. Nothing very interesting.
Nov - My brother came home from his cruise ship tour and visited. His girlfriend from Peru also stopped in for a week, and we all enjoyed getting to know her also. Arlene turned 2. Got a visit from my aunt and uncle and a couple of cousins I hardly ever see. I wished they could have stayed longer.

Dec - Daniel spent two weeks in California for work. It was cold here, and it snowed a few times. In the middle of his being gone, I went to Minnesota with my small group. We had a great time seeing Triple Espresso and shopping (well, they had a great time shopping. I would have been done after an hour). When Daniel got home, we got to spend a lot of time together as a family and enjoying each others' company. We listened to Christmas music and celebrated together and then with our families. Things were simple this year. It was one of my favorite Christmases since we've been married.

It's kind of been a hard year, which you probably know if you read the blog much. So, we're definitely looking forward to 2009 with a finished attic (hopefully), and a new baby girl!

Chrsitmas Song

I got really close to being able to write a poem the other day, but when I started, it just didn't come out well. I think the poetry is slowly seeping back in, though. It's been gone a while.
But, I like to post something at Christmas that I've found meaningful or deep, and this year it (again) comes from Todd Agnew's Christmas album: "Do you See What I See?" In it, he and his friends sing songs that come from different perspectives of people in the Christmas story and, as he said, "All these people just having a little piece of their puzzle, but knowing that some how that piece of the puzzle has to do with the fact that God has entered their world." I really like it and recommend it.

The song written to Jesus (since it would be hard to write one from his perspective as a baby) is really cool and always gives me goosebumps when I first pull the album out every year. I'll sure be asking Jesus some of the same questions one day.

Did you Know?

Were Mary’s the first eyes you saw
Or did You remember choosing that shade of brown?
Were You surprised at the shepherd’s crazy story
Or did You know You wrote the song the angels sang?

What was this life like for You?

Did You know?
Did the cross cast its shadow o’er your cradle?
Did You know?
Did You shudder each time Your hammer struck a nail?
Did you know?
How much heaven and how much earth
Were in this baby at His birth?
Did you know? Or did you wonder?

Did you remember the brightness of Your glory
Or did You just notice it was cold and dark here?
Did You know Your name or did you have to be told?
Were You just a baby or were You as old as time?

What was Your life like?

Strangely, "Santa" Switched Spells Satan

I needed to include that line as my title. It's from a poem I wrote freshman year with my friends. The assignment was to use alliteration. I think we did great. Maybe some day I'll post the whole poem.
So, I suppose I should give a spoiler warning. This post contains information which may scar you for life, if you don't believe in Santa. (But I suppose I might have scarred you already by calling him Satan).

Anyway, today I was thinking about Santa Claus. My parents never even hinted that he was real or gave gifts to us in his name or anything like that. I was the cruel kid who tels other kids that Santa isn't real with such conviction that they probably went home crying to their parents. but that's another story.
All I was really thinking about was how in the end, parents end up giving Santa all of the credit for their hard work. They were the ones who stood in the cold lines on black Friday waiting to get their Tickle-me-drive-your-car-superstar-creep-me-out Elmo toy, and they were the ones who had to find super hiding spots, and they're even the ones who wrap it up and write "from Santa". Then, they go to all the trouble of making cookies with their kids to keep up the santa facade, and they have to get up at unseen hours to put the presents under the tree, quietly enough that their children don't notice and wake up and have Christmas ruined for the rest of their lives.
It's a lot of work. And Santa shouldn't get the credit for it, since there is no Santa.

Then I wondered what would happen if we so easily gave God the credit for our work and treasures and talents like some people give to Santa. Just thinking.

Cardboard Testimonies

At church last week for the service they did this thing that I thought was kind of cool. Anyone who wanted to could participate, but they had people write on one side of a piece of cardboard something that represented their life without Christ, and on the other side, the wrote how Christ had changed that. Then everyone who'd written something took a turn on stage and showed the first side and flipped the cardboard and showed the other side. There were a lot of things written:
Addicted - Freed
Dead in sin - Alive in Christ
Wanted control - Allowing God to be in control

Things like that. So it got me thinking what I'd write. I mean, I don't really have a "before" Christ because I asked Jesus to be my Lord when I was really young, and I've always loved Him and tried to follow Him. So I don't have a testimony like my dad's (and praise the Lord I don't), but I always feel like I don't have much to say at all when people get to talking about that. I know what I'd be if I'd never known God, but it doesn't seem to tell the same story to say "I probably would have been a bitter loner who wrote depressing poetry and hated most everyone". I know that God still sought me out and saved me, and the same redemptive work was done, which is all I really need to know. But I like having more to say, because He's done so much for me.
I know that God continues to work in us even after we get "saved", so I thought about it on those terms, realizing the things He's changed in me as I've grown in Him and known Him better. So, I'd probably use one of these if I were going to a cardboard testimony:

Know-it-All - Knowing HIM
Lonely - He is all I need
Self-Righteous - Made righteous by His blood alone

I'm sure there's more. What would yours be?

Lincoln's 1863 Thanksgiving Proclamation

This is taken from the collection of Lincoln's papers in the Library of America series, Vol II, pp. 520-521

The year that is drawing toward its close has been filled with the blessing of fruitful fields and healthful skies. TO these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while the theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defense have not arrested the plough, the shuttle, or the ship; the axe has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battlefield; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom.
No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence, for our nation perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferings in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consisted with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and union.

Ugh.

Well, since it looks like the popular thing to do, I guess I'll put in my two cents about the election.

I'm glad it's over. I'm really upset that "right wing Christian conservatives" thought it useless to go and cast their votes because they disagreed with the presidential candidates. Thanks for screwing over congress too. I'm not worried about the future because I know that God's in control. I'm mostly just annoyed at how ignorant people (on both sides) decided to be, and the mockery these elections make of our political setup. But at least I won't be getting more ads to contribute to my wallpaper collection, and won't have to answer the phone in the middle of nap time to listen to a robot tell me I should vote or take a loaded survey. That'll be good.

I've been having weird dreams lately. Sort of reminesent of that old end times movie "Thief in the Night". They're sort of laughable, though. I guess it's the subconcious trying to weed out everyone's prophesies about the future with Barak Obama as president.

Anyway, I guess my opinion hasn't changed through it all, though. I'm glad that we live in a great country and I'm glad for the freedoms we have, but I certainly haven't placed any sort of hope in political ventures or ideals. And I'm pretty glad I haven't. "Even so, come quickly, Lord Jesus".

Here are some lyrics that express what I think many people are trying to say today.

Crave - Shaun Groves
No magistrate can legislate
Peace and love and hope
No song can end or sermon mend
The fatal flaws in our souls
Pen and paper, Whitehouse won
Will never do what we need done
Chorus:
Can’t give me
What I crave-
Can’t give me
What I crave-
The end of tears and fears and war
Is what I’m craving in my core
Can’t give me
What I crave
What I crave

No millions spent can pay the rent
And get us into kingdom come
No atom bomb could right the wrong
Inside the veins of everyone
All the glitter, tanks and guns
Will never do what we need done

Nothing here beneath the sun
Can make us holy make us one
Only Spirit, second birth
Can satisfy my constant thirst
To spill out heaven here on earth

Thriftiness

I've been wincing every time the cashier reads the total off at the grocery store. Prices aren't ideal, and with the economy working the way it is, there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. I hear a lot of people complaining about it, offering their opinions on how it should be fixed, and worrying about what they'll do if things get "worse". Seems the popular opinion is that the government is to blame. And of course, they are. But I wonder how many of us are contributing to it by spending more than our resources allow, by throwing out things that could be salvaged, by spending more on clothes and food than we need to, or by just buying things that we don't need and can't truly afford.

I definitely fall into that category, way too often. I'd rather just get the pair of jeans full price and have them. I want a nicer house and a nicer car and newer clothes and better appliances. And I want them now. I don't want to sit around for six months, watching newspaper ads and garage sales to find a better price. I want a lot of things, and I stretch my income so that I can have many of them. But our grandparents and great-grandparents would warn us not to be so foolish. They saw what happened when people spent money they didn't have for things they wanted.

And I think we're seeing the same thing. Saving is so undervalued. Maybe we should take a lesson from the Scout Law.

A SCOUT IS THRIFTY, that is, he saves every penny he can, and puts it in the bank, so that he may have money to keep himself when out of work, and thus not make himself a burden to others; or that he may have money to give away to others when they need it.

I wonder how many people think they've got everything in order financially, but will find at the loss of a job or a major expense, that they aren't as set as they thought? Suddenly, the things they're used to buying cost too much, and they don't know how to cut back and do without.

Saving is hard, though. I'm not necessarily talking about making a savings account. I'm talking about making more money available out of what you have. Maybe I'm talking about "penny pinching". I don't understand why people are so willing to complain about how much things cost, but aren't willing to find a way to do without, make their own, or get it on sale. Are they afraid that people will think they're cheap?

Sometimes when I do things to save money, I have that creeping worry that someone will think I don't have enough money to pay for something better. But really, what difference does it make? Maybe I don't have the money. Maybe I put it toward something I like more. Or maybe I am cheap. It's not anyone's business. Being willing to save money in things I purchase for myself allows me freedom to be generous when others are in need.

I know this probably sounds like preaching, and I wasn't planning for it to, but, since everyone seems to be at liberty to express their views on how to fix the American economy and whose fault it is anyway, I think I should be able to also.

The Sunbird Pirates

That title sounds like the title of a book, but it's actually the title of last Thursday. We had a stressful week. The worst part was Thursday morning when we got a call from an area business, asking us to move our car out of their parking lot. Why was it there? We hadn't put it there. We'd left it at another parking lot right by our house (legally).
Long story short, someone stole our beater car (which we got for free) and went for a little joy ride before ripping it apart and stealing everything they could from it. I don't feel like philosiphising about how painful it is to have something like that happen to you, but it's been a long few days thinking about it.
We're OK. We have another car that Daniel can take to work until we get a replacement. The police have the car as evidence and will search it. They're treating this as a crime, same as if the car were worth a lot of money. We should hear more from the security of the place where our car had been parked (they have cameras in their parking lot), and maybe get some clues about what happened.
But, that's about all the update I want to give. It's all really stupid and makes us mad. And, if anyone has a car they want to get rid of for under $800, let me know. And, if anyone has Amy Grant or Steven Curtis Chapman CD's they don't want anymore, let me know (Daniel lost his whole collection).
And pray that they catch the pirates.

Pregnancy

It's been a while and people are asking how it's going, so I thought I'd inform the masses so you can all tell each other and I don't have to. :oD Or you can ask too.

On Friday I thought I was going into labor because I was having painful contractions at frequent intervals. It was OK. When i called they told me specifically what to look for, and as the day went on, I felt better and decided not to worry about it. The weekend was good, but I had a lot of cramps (not contractions, just cramps). So I called today and they called back and told me just to come in and have an ultrasound and they would test a hormone level to make sure I wasn't getting ready to go into labor. The ultrasound looked good, and I really wasn't worried, but I'm the kind of person who does what they're told and then asks questions later. I felt like something was weird because the lady who did the ultrasound had me wait while she talked to the doctor before telling me everything was OK, and then she asked if I had an appointment coming up (it's next Friday). So I was glad, but a little uneasy thinking there was something not terribly urgent that they wanted the doctor to tell me at my next appointment.

Apparently I worry too much. Dr. Pickering called me about an hour later and just said he was glad to see that ultrasound was OK and everything looked great. He's a really nice guy. He said he understood this was probably a difficult time since it's the same gestational week when I lost Grace (25), and he just wanted to check and make sure I was OK. He said the don't be afraid to call thing, and then he added, "We all know who you are here," which I found amusing. He's a really great guy.

So, anyway, things look to be OK in the womb, which is reassuring. I worry a lot, and I don't want to. Daniel's been working really long hours trying to get their project ready for a flight demo, which has now been pushed back a little. They're planning a 2-week-long trip for him. :o( So I have long days, if anyone wants to hang out. And I need to get supper ready.

Playing solitaire all night... with a deck of 51.

So... what's more pathetic? The fact that I felt the urge to share my solitaire score with all of my blog readers?
That my score was actually almost twice that last night?
Or the fact that I'm playing that much solitaire in the first place? (In my defense, my husband is away this week...)

Sometimes I just play the stupid card games so I can think through something. like when I'm writing and need to think of what will happen next or how to word something. It seems like an effective tool. Probably not time-saving, however. I am curious, though, if anyone else manages to win at "Vegas style" solitaire, or if I'm a prodigy and should pack up and go to Vegas tonight to win me some big money?

Politics

I have to vent. I don't think I can make it to November.

One of the first "hard lessons" we learn in life is "Don't believe everything you hear". What I want to know is, if that's the case, and we have that lesson ingrained in us to distrust society so much, then why do so many people believe every piece of media regarding political campaigns? Even if they're just believing what they choose to believe as fact, shouldn't they still be finding out whether or not it's true? Examining the context? Looking for reliability of "witnesses" and credibility of their sources?

I've always been pretty politically interested. I was a history major. I planned to be a social studies teacher. I served as a representative at the county Republican convention, and I have, since age 18, been to the polls to vote every two years. I stood on the side of a highway campaigning on election day when I was in college. And I think I will, in the future, continue to "help out" during campaign years, and fight for whatever causes I believe in. But. I have never been so sick--and sickened by politics as I am this year. I'm really just tired of it. So there. Now you know. If you're planning to strike up a political debate with me, count me out. I don't care anymore. I've decided who I'm voting for based on what I think is important. And I don't think that more mud slinging will change my mind.

What I Should Have Said

Yesterday someone asked me, in a conversation about my recovery from grief, how God had been part of it. I didn't know what to say because I suck at talking and answering deep questions on the spot, but when I thought about it later, I wished I'd said so many things.
One of them being how joy and sorrow are so closely linked, and how it's actually hard to find joy without sorrow or trial. At least for me. I know of a lot of people with deeply rooted joy that just flows out o knowing God and understanding His love.
But I've never been that way. Partly because of my intellect blocking out so many feelings, and partly because I'm not a feely person. Not that joy is a feeling, it's more of an understanding. Anyway, there are numerous reasons for my lack of joy, which has always felt like a problem to me. I wanted it, but no matter how I searched or what answer I thought I knew, there was some piece of it missing. Not that I knew what it was. I mean, I have everything I need for life and godliness through my knowledge of him who called me according to his own glory and goodness. So there should have been joy.
But, there were parts of God I didn't fully know or understand before experiencing tragedy. And I think that so much of Christian joy--the confident assurance of God's provision and care despite any circumstance--is discovered in those kinds of things. Like it says in James 1:2 "Count it all joy my brothers, when you are faced with trials and temptations, for the testing of your faith develops perseverence". Now there is a deeper knowledge of His goodness, His kindness, and His faithfulness, that can't be found in day-t0-day things.

I hope that makese sense. I'm not saying others don't know joy. I'm really just talking about myself, and the healing of my heart.

Be Still

Last night I was paranoid and anxious--very common feelings these days--about my pregnancy. Worried about things I knew I shouldn't worry about. Usually I can move on past those thoughts, but sometimes they come and bury me and I dwell on them and worry grows like a tree that shades my heart and mind.
I hadn't felt the baby move very much that day, even though I'd had an over abundance of caffine, and I was worried something could be wrong. It's stupid, but you aren't allowed to make fun of me. Anyway, when I worried out loud, Daniel prayed for me and the baby. Then, for the rest of the night (in bed, mind you), the baby wouldn't stop kicking. Ahh. That's just what I need for a good night's sleep. And I'm not being sarcastic. I now have trouble sleeping if I don't feel kicking.
Anyway, because of said caffine, I still had trouble falling asleep, so as I lay awake, praying for a friend of mine, and thanking God that this baby is still OK, He spoke to me. Quite familiar words, heard so often.

Be still and know that I am God.

And I realized my lack of faith, which I want so badly to have, is partly because I've been too busy listening to myself think and worrying and fretting, so I couldn't hear His voice speaking in the quiet. Be still. He's there with me, in presence rich and full. And, just like the baby inside who isn't easily felt in the busyness of a day, it takes being still to feel it and know it's there.